Weirdest response from a Gumtree ad

Osiris85

Senior Member
Joined
Apr 8, 2009
Messages
838
I just received an email after responding to an add on gumtree for a flat. It was one of those "Thank you for your mail I am Rev John Smith and am on a crusade in the West Coast......bla bla bla" He said I can drive past the flat if I want to see it, he gave me the address and I checked it ( thank you google street view :) ) and it was Bentlex carpeting! I responded to the mail and said something like :

" Thank you Rev. Smith, I would like to point out that I am,in fact, a satanist and I weekly meet with my fellow followers of the damned for sacrificial offerings to our dark lord ( we have a lot of stray dogs and cats that wont be missed ). I am in general very quiet and the screaming normally only lasts a few minutes followed by prayer. Will this affect your decision in any way to let to me?"


havent gotten a reply yet :D
 

BLIXEMPIE

Honorary Master
Joined
May 22, 2009
Messages
10,063
Here is my latest reply to Miss Joy Jones which I have just sent through to her :D :

Hi Joy,

Thank you very much for your prompt reply. I'm so very sorry about
what happened to your parents, I hope they had an awesome burial and
wish I could've been there to help you and support you throughout the
shoveling and difficult times you endured.

When I was a small child my parents discarded me as well. I was
frequently punished with the stick that had many sharp objects
attached to it, for no apparent reason. To this day I suffer in
physical pain as a result of the torment I have endured in my
childhood. The scars that reflect from my skin is visible with the
naked eye of a stranger situated meters away from where I am
positioned.

Since about a year ago me and my wife of 7 years have started to grow
apart and she defers from separating her legs in opposite directions
for me when I promptly request for her to do such which in turn puts a
tedious strain on our relationship. I have attempted numerous times to
correct her wicked ways but to no avail. She simply refuses to get on
her tender knees and have my member inserted into her oral region. I
have been suggesting to her that we see a marriage counselor to
restore the beautiful things we once had between us but she refuses.
The result of her rejection is a painstaking celibacy that is
crumbling my very soul in many ways I cannot even begin to explain. My
testicalia are in constant pain of not having a frequent release and I
fear for my future health if this problem is not rectified.

Now since I am a male and we males have very strong sexual needs that
need to be fulfilled on a regular basis, I decided to be on the
lookout for a second female who can move in with me into my mansion
based in an upmarket estate in Johannesburg, South Africa, to satisfy
all my sexual needs and tidy up the living quarters.

I must admit Joy, based on the photograph that you have sent through
to me, that you are indeed a very attractive female, and I wish that
it was so that you resided close by to where I am so that perhaps you
could have fulfilled the above mentioned needs in my life. Attached to
this e-mail you will find a picture of myself which I have
photographed on your request. I will admit that, since I find you so
attractive and want to make you feel attracted to me as well, I did
take a quite explicit photograph of myself. I hope you don't mind. If
at all possible can you send a similarly provocative photograph of
yourself in reply to this e-mail?

Financially I am very stable. I am the owner of multiple very
successful businesses. I love to travel around on the roads of my
beautiful lands in my BMW car. I also love to travel the world and
bare witness to the beauty which is spread across the lands, oceans
and skies of our big earth. It is so that I have never traveled to the
West Africa region where you currently reside, bit I hope that in the
near future, as the region becomes safer, that I can set foot on the
soil there.

I am glad, Joy, that you have come in contact with me. I have been in
need of a female lover for years and it feels good to have someone,
you, to speak to about all my personal problems. Please don't forget
to send a vaginal picture of yourself as I would be very pleased by
such enormously.

Kind regards,
Your love,
Billy.


:D
 

Osiris85

Senior Member
Joined
Apr 8, 2009
Messages
838
Here is my latest reply to Miss Joy Jones which I have just sent through to her :D :

Hi Joy,

Thank you very much for your prompt reply. I'm so very sorry about
what happened to your parents, I hope they had an awesome burial and
wish I could've been there to help you and support you throughout the
shoveling and difficult times you endured.

When I was a small child my parents discarded me as well. I was
frequently punished with the stick that had many sharp objects
attached to it, for no apparent reason. To this day I suffer in
physical pain as a result of the torment I have endured in my
childhood. The scars that reflect from my skin is visible with the
naked eye of a stranger situated meters away from where I am
positioned.

Since about a year ago me and my wife of 7 years have started to grow
apart and she defers from separating her legs in opposite directions
for me when I promptly request for her to do such which in turn puts a
tedious strain on our relationship. I have attempted numerous times to
correct her wicked ways but to no avail. She simply refuses to get on
her tender knees and have my member inserted into her oral region. I
have been suggesting to her that we see a marriage counselor to
restore the beautiful things we once had between us but she refuses.
The result of her rejection is a painstaking celibacy that is
crumbling my very soul in many ways I cannot even begin to explain. My
testicalia are in constant pain of not having a frequent release and I
fear for my future health if this problem is not rectified.

Now since I am a male and we males have very strong sexual needs that
need to be fulfilled on a regular basis, I decided to be on the
lookout for a second female who can move in with me into my mansion
based in an upmarket estate in Johannesburg, South Africa, to satisfy
all my sexual needs and tidy up the living quarters.

I must admit Joy, based on the photograph that you have sent through
to me, that you are indeed a very attractive female, and I wish that
it was so that you resided close by to where I am so that perhaps you
could have fulfilled the above mentioned needs in my life. Attached to
this e-mail you will find a picture of myself which I have
photographed on your request. I will admit that, since I find you so
attractive and want to make you feel attracted to me as well, I did
take a quite explicit photograph of myself. I hope you don't mind. If
at all possible can you send a similarly provocative photograph of
yourself in reply to this e-mail?

Financially I am very stable. I am the owner of multiple very
successful businesses. I love to travel around on the roads of my
beautiful lands in my BMW car. I also love to travel the world and
bare witness to the beauty which is spread across the lands, oceans
and skies of our big earth. It is so that I have never traveled to the
West Africa region where you currently reside, bit I hope that in the
near future, as the region becomes safer, that I can set foot on the
soil there.

I am glad, Joy, that you have come in contact with me. I have been in
need of a female lover for years and it feels good to have someone,
you, to speak to about all my personal problems. Please don't forget
to send a vaginal picture of yourself as I would be very pleased by
such enormously.

Kind regards,
Your love,
Billy.


:D
ROFL! ROFL! ( I think I might have pissed myself a little! :D :D :D :D )
 

sincerious

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 12, 2010
Messages
143
rofl!!! i hope your new-found joyfulness replies, but i think she may be put off by your request for a crude pic! girls in other parts of africa are not as 'los' as some in SA seem to be and, remember, she did say she is, above all, god-fearing. :p
 
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Helghast

GoldenFinger
Joined
Jan 9, 2010
Messages
48,413
I never understood those things where they wanted to put money into your account... hows that supposed to make things bad for you?
 

d7e7r7

Executive Member
Joined
May 30, 2009
Messages
8,783
I never understood those things where they wanted to put money into your account... hows that supposed to make things bad for you?
I dunno??
Can't they use the details to make payments or something??
 

BLIXEMPIE

Honorary Master
Joined
May 22, 2009
Messages
10,063
Joy replied this morning to my previous message to her:

Hello my dearest,
I hope you are doing fine today. I am glad to reach you, you are really a nice person from your mail and your words, i think you are the very type of person i 'm looking for, i feel you are serious and i will like to be a part of you if you wouldn't mind .I feel so happy that your family will accept me to be a part of them.
I will love to be for you till the rest of our lives, i only need very serious and committed people like you .

I 'm not so okay over here sweetheart, here is just so uncomfortable , and i am making all effort to leave here to have a happy and comfortable living with you if you wouldn't mind accepting me to be a part of you; like you know, i am living in the refugee camp here in Dakar Senegal.
It's just like one staying in the prison and i hope by Gods grace i will come out from here soon. I don't have any relatives now whom we can go to all our relatives ran away in the middle of the war the only person we have now is Rev isaac ambrose who is the reverend father and the general over seer of the church over here in the camp, he has been very nice to everyone of us here.
The Church's office Tel number is (00221-776804239)if you call and the reverend father there, that you want to speak with me; he will send for me in the hostel and i will come to speak with you. You can call from 11am to 4pm , London GMT time ,every weekdays excluding Sundays; this is the time the church office is opened .

As a refugee here i don't have any right or privilege to any thing be it money or whatever because i have not got the residence permit of this country which will entitle me to be a bit free in doing certain things and moving to the city.
I want to go back to my studies because i only had a certificate in general nursing and i was about to enroll for a degree in Nursing and Midwifery before the tragic incident that lead to my being in this situation now took place.

Please i would like to let you know that i have got with me here, my late father's statement of account and death certificate here with me which i will like to send to you latter, because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in a leading bank in europe which he used my name as the next of kin,the amount in question is $3.7M(Three Million Seven Hundred Thousand US Dollars).He saw this country to be the most peaceful and secured country in europe to deposit this money,
So i will like you to be aware of this and see how possible you can assist me get this money transferred to your account and from it you can send some money for me to get my traveling documents and wait for you to come over here and pick me up to visit you.
I kept this secret to people in the camp here the only person that knows about it is one of the Reverend Sister here who is just like a mother to me.
So in the light of above i will like you to keep it to yourself and don't tell it to anyone for i am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people gets to know about it.
However i like you to send me some of your pictures and also try to call me through the reverend office phone line, my favorite language is English but our official language is French , but i speak English very fluently because i attended an American and English speaking private school all in my country for almost all my school.
I will like you to call me as i requested so that we can hear our voices, i have a lot to tell you. Have a nice day
Later I should have time to reply to her. Hahaha! Oh man this is fun.
 

Zewp

Banned
Joined
Sep 3, 2009
Messages
10,655
I get a lot of emails from joy dian. Nigerian scammer. I even got various pics from her over the years. Always with the refugee camps, but oh so well dressed.
 
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