What causes children to become introverted?

[Solarion]

My brother in laws kids, the girl is age 7 and her brother 10. From the time they could walk they have been very quiet and it was impossible to get so much as a word out of them or even a smile.

I recently visited them with my dad and we had a small get together for a braai. So anyway the lil chick is drawing a picture outside in the braai area of some flowers. So I venture over to her to have a look, not a bad artist eh for 7. So I said hey nice picture you pretty good. She look at me and well, not so much a smile or a word, just this deadpan stare. And her brother is worse. He won't even look at you LOL. I tried to move some of their toys off of a chair and he ran up and said "No don't" and well kind of just snatched a puzzle and some other toy out of my hands.

They are the same even with my dad and step mom and well, almost everyone except their parents. Just quiet and well a little hostile.

They have been like this since forever. What causes this? Are they born like that?

 

[Mike Hoxbig]

Could be various factors.

Low self esteem, lack of socialising and therefore unsure how to behave around unfamiliar faces, bullying at school etc.

Sometimes kids also like to be left the f alone by adults. I used to be that way.

Only their parents would know if there's an issue and it's worth getting them help...

 

[skeptic_SA]

I'd rather not talk about it.

 

[dusi]

Kids learn everything from their parents, so start there.

 

[Lupus]

They'd be your niece and nephew firstly, if they are your brother in laws kids, they'd either be your wives by blood, or your sisters kids.
So that might be one of the reasons they are a little off, you don't see them as family.
I'm introverted and sometimes my son can be as well, but he also does like going out and seeing friends. So I can't even say it's entirely the parents as kids do learn from them but form their own. My mom and stepdad weren't introverts and I lived with them for 10 years, they would have parties on Friday starting at 6 o clock. Often my brother and I would try and watch open time with music playing.

 

[Alton Turner Blackwood]

Could be various factors.

Low self esteem, lack of socialising and therefore unsure how to behave around unfamiliar faces, bullying at school etc.

Sometimes kids also like to be left the f alone by adults. I used to be that way.

Only their parents would know if there's an issue and it's worth getting them help...

BS

I'm an introvert. My persona in real life (when sober that is) is completely the opposite of what I project it to be on here.

I've never been bullied, I have no self-esteem issues, I grew up in the 80's so had lots of opportunity to run around and socialise. It's got absolutely nothing to do with it.

Most things bore me - if you've noticed my posts, you'll see I get up to all kinds of kak just to make life interesting for myself. Introversion is in my nature, nothing to do with nurture.

I complete people's sentences in my mind. If I already know the outcome of the situation, I lose interest and change course.

My youngest is exactly like me. If she doesn't know you, she won't talk to you. At. All.

So just from a parent's perspective; raising an introvert: she's been quiet from birth. She hardly ever cried. I would put her in her car seat and would think she's sleeping, nope. Just sits there. Take her with the car seat out and put her in front of the TV, she'll watch TV and if you're not careful with a child like that you'll starve them to death because you don't know when they're hungry. So feeding takes discipline.

We ended up overfeeding her because of that.

 

[Nike7]

People aren’t born blank slates so temperament is always going to be half the equation, but when little kids have trouble like this it can be due to the same factors that make adults this way - what are their day-to-day routines like? Do they sleep on a regular schedule? What are their diets like? Do their parents allow the iPad to do the babysitting?

Don’t know enough to say if something like Asperger’s is a possibility in which case leave them alone, and stop trying to “fix” them all of you neurotypical smoothbrains.

Anyway , don’t stop being kind, OP. I’m sure the little girl appreciated your compliment even if she didn’t have the social acuity to show it.

 

[Nike7]

They'd be your niece and nephew firstly, if they are your brother in laws kids, they'd either be your wives by blood, or your sisters kids.
So that might be one of the reasons they are a little off, you don't see them as family.
I'm introverted and sometimes my son can be as well, but he also does like going out and seeing friends. So I can't even say it's entirely the parents as kids do learn from them but form their own. My mom and stepdad weren't introverts and I lived with them for 10 years, they would have parties on Friday starting at 6 o clock. Often my brother and I would try and watch open time with music playing.

To this day I’m resentful towards the adults who made a noise during open time

 

[Lupus]

To this day I’m resentful towards the adults who made a noise during open time

Yup I mean perfect strangers without sound sucked

 

[HvRooyen]

Introversion / extroversion seem to be hard-coded to a significant degree. There are definite EEG changes associated with the spectrum, and can apparently be picked up even before birth.

 

[The_MAC]

Not suggesting this is the same thing but a good friend of mines boy got diagnosed with Aspergers Sydrome (autism), and now everything adds up in terms of his behaviour. And I can assure you that the parents are very solid and normal.

So, there might be other outlying issues or just a combination of personality and upbringing.

Personally, my middle child simply has a defiant personality for example, always swimming upstream, he's been like that from small, it's just a matter of learning how to deal with it.

 

[B-1]

Today's discussion is nature vs nurture.
And Go...

 

[Nike7]

Today's discussion is nature vs nurture.
And Go...

vs? It’s both. There’s no question about it, we know this because it’s 2021 and the science is conclusive.

 

[RedViking]

Also read up on autism and kids "on the spectrum". Don't say this is necessarily the case, but something people don't understand or realise too late.

 

[Nike7]

Also read up on autism and kids "on the spectrum". Don't say this is necessarily the case, but something people don't understand or realise too late.

*raises hand

And then you grow up wondering why everyone thinks you’re defective, when in fact they’re the ones who can’t even recite the first 100 digits of pi

 

[Herr der Verboten]

BS

I'm an introvert. My persona in real life (when sober that is) is completely the opposite of what I project it to be on here.

I've never been bullied, I have no self-esteem issues, I grew up in the 80's so had lots of opportunity to run around and socialise. It's got absolutely nothing to do with it.

Most things bore me - if you've noticed my posts, you'll see I get up to all kinds of kak just to make life interesting for myself. Introversion is in my nature, nothing to do with nurture.

I complete people's sentences in my mind. If I already know the outcome of the situation, I lose interest and change course.

My youngest is exactly like me. If she doesn't know you, she won't talk to you. At. All.

So just from a parent's perspective; raising an introvert: she's been quiet from birth. She hardly ever cried. I would put her in her car seat and would think she's sleeping, nope. Just sits there. Take her with the car seat out and put her in front of the TV, she'll watch TV and if you're not careful with a child like that you'll starve them to death because you don't know when they're hungry. So feeding takes discipline.

We ended up overfeeding her because of that.

tldr: Because we simply are not the ideal citizen nor are we mass produced like average person.

 

[The_MAC]

Also read up on autism and kids "on the spectrum". Don't say this is necessarily the case, but something people don't understand or realise too late.

Therein lies the challenge, separating the natural state of a child and their upbringing.

In other words, as a parent not absolving yourself off all responsibility, but also acknowledging that each child is different.

I like the word spectrum, because there is no discreet state, we are all somewhere on that spectrum, always some element of "not normal".

I personally get very bored very quickly, lose interest very quickly, but can still concentrate if something interests me and am an extrovert, but I wasn't always like that, so we might even change over time.

 

[Herr der Verboten]

*raises hand

And then you grow up wondering why everyone thinks you’re defective, when in fact they’re the ones who can’t even recite the first 100 digits of pi

Depends on the person? I know they are defective and didn't stress about whatever everyone 'thinks'

 

[Alton Turner Blackwood]

Therein lies the challenge, separating the natural state of a child and their upbringing.

In other words, as a parent not absolving yourself off all responsibility, but also acknowledging that each child is different.

I like the word spectrum, because there is no discreet state, we are all somewhere on that spectrum, always some element of "not normal".

I personally get very bored very quickly, lose interest very quickly, but can still concentrate if something interests me and am an extrovert, but I wasn't always like that, so we might even change over time.

My kids are on the polar opposite sides of the spectrum. The younger one (the one I mentioned earlier) is quiet and reserved. She'd just lie on the couch with her phone or tablet, while the other, extroverted, eccentric older one would be jumping around pretending the remote is a mic and singing to some kak song playing on the TV.

The older one is the reason why I'm working from my bedroom since last week - and before someone tells me that I'm raising my kids improperly by allowing them to be noisy while I work...It's school holidays, technically I'm invading in their space.

To get back to their personalities and the topic at hand. A parent is very lucky if their kids are all the same because then you don't have to apply your mind when talking to them as they will perceive the content of the conversation the same.

With mine it's difficult and I sometimes think people think that I'm spoiling my youngest when it's not true. The older one DOES NOT LISTEN!!! While with the introvert, if you ask her to do something, she won't even acknowledge that she heard you, she'll just do it and again won't even tell you she's done. You have to ask.

Even when they call me - I have to ask who it is so I know what hat to wear in my subsequent conversation. It's funny, they're 14 and 11 and I'm their father and I'm embarrassed to say that I cannot distinguish between their voices

 

[R13...]

the lil chick is