what exactly constitutes cheating?

Pitbull said:
Dancing, really?

I sit at the bar and my wife dances with the whole damn place. (I don't do dancing)
That being said, it happened 6 months ago and you need to break up with her now? Jirre, something's obviously not right here. You have deeper issues. If you feel you want to break up with her do so. Don't use something that happened 6 months ago to justify it...
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You read my mind.

I don't do dancing either...therefore I have no problem if my wife does it with other people.

I bet the OP doesn't do dancing either...but because he doesn't now it's off limits to her as well which is bull****.
 
STS said:
i think the basis for cheating is the dishonesty and the threat of leaving - if you and your SO can be honest about what you guys do and even more bravely - be upfront of what you want to do, it should all be good.

being in a poly relationship i know what my partner will be getting up to, where she is going, that she'll be home later, that any guy she meets will know about me, etc :p
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And neither of you get jealous :confused: Since you openly admit you're in a polyamorous relationship, I have a few questions if you don't mind. I've always been curious about this and open relationships.

1. What is it that keeps you (besides your son) in a relationship with your SO? What or how do you define commitment in your relationship? I hope my question makes sense?
2. Are there any boundaries and what are they?
3. What happens if you or your SO enjoys the company of and spends more time with the third party?
4. Do you and your SO ever spend time together with the third party/parties?
5. How do you decide who sleeps with who?
5. Do you ever worry about STDs - you don't have to answer this if it's too personal.
 
SauRoNZA said:
You read my mind.

I don't do dancing either...therefore I have no problem if my wife does it with other people.

I bet the OP doesn't do dancing either...but because he doesn't now it's off limits to her as well which is bull****.
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But dancing is one thing. Grinding is another. I don't see a problem with dancing with someone else, but grinding? That's another level.
 
SaoirseB said:
But dancing is one thing. Grinding is another. I don't see a problem with dancing with someone else, but grinding? That's another level.
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If that's your view then at least have the balls to call them out the very moment it happens. Not wait 6 months then use it as an excuse to break up /facepalm
 
SaoirseB said:
And neither of you get jealous :confused: Since you openly admit you're in a polyamorous relationship, I have a few questions if you don't mind. I've always been curious about this and open relationships.

1. What is it that keeps you (besides your son) in a relationship with your SO? What or how do you define commitment in your relationship? I hope my question makes sense?
2. Are there any boundaries and what are they?
3. What happens if you or your SO enjoys the company of and spends more time with the third party?
4. Do you and your SO ever spend time together with the third party/parties?
5. How do you decide who sleeps with who?
5. Do you ever worry about STDs - you don't have to answer this if it's too personal.
Click to expand...

I am also in an open relationship so I can also answer these questions, so maybe you can see more than one opinion on the same thing if you want?
 
SaoirseB said:
And neither of you get jealous :confused: Since you openly admit you're in a polyamorous relationship, I have a few questions if you don't mind. I've always been curious about this and open relationships.

1. What is it that keeps you (besides your son) in a relationship with your SO? What or how do you define commitment in your relationship? I hope my question makes sense?
2. Are there any boundaries and what are they?
3. What happens if you or your SO enjoys the company of and spends more time with the third party?
4. Do you and your SO ever spend time together with the third party/parties?
5. How do you decide who sleeps with who?
5. Do you ever worry about STDs - you don't have to answer this if it's too personal.
Click to expand...

I know your question was intended for STS, but I can give you another perspective on it as well

1) I have no children, so what keeps me in this relationship is the fact that we understand each other on a fundamental level. He gets my brain and I get his, the way we think, why we react to situations the way we do, etc. I don't think I'd ever have that closeness or understanding with another person (and I have tried). Commitment to us means trusting in each other and the strength of our relationship.
2) We have a "no fly list" of people we're not allowed to sleep with (for a variety of reasons). We also talk about the girl/guy we want to be involved with. If one of us is uncomfortable with the other's choice, nothing will happen. We are also allowed to put a stop to anything at any time (e.g. if I'm out with a girl/guy and my SO feels uncomfortable, he can call me, ask me to stop, and I will. Even if we're both already naked and about to get it on). We can also limit what we are willing to let the other do with a girl/guy (e.g. no sex, but fooling around is OK). We also like to be introduced to the girl/guy, so that we can get to know them before anything happens.
3) We do have rules about that. For example, we do not talk to the girl/guy after 6:30 at night during the week as that is the time we spend together.
4) We do. See boundaries above.
5) We generally have our own people. My SO is quite straight, so he will only sleep with women. I will sleep with both men and women. We choose our own girl/guy and then introduce them to each other. Sometimes that has lead to both of us sleeping with the same person, sometimes not.
6) Sometimes, especially if the girl/guy is new to us. But the rule here is don't be a fool, wrap your tool. If there is any suspicion, we go get tested as soon as possible and ask the other person to do the same. It's never actually been a problem.
 
SaoirseB said:
And neither of you get jealous :confused: Since you openly admit you're in a polyamorous relationship, I have a few questions if you don't mind. I've always been curious about this and open relationships.

1. What is it that keeps you (besides your son) in a relationship with your SO? What or how do you define commitment in your relationship? I hope my question makes sense?
2. Are there any boundaries and what are they?
3. What happens if you or your SO enjoys the company of and spends more time with the third party?
4. Do you and your SO ever spend time together with the third party/parties?
5. How do you decide who sleeps with who?
5. Do you ever worry about STDs - you don't have to answer this if it's too personal.
Click to expand...

I am also in an open relationship, and I don't mind answering

1. I love my SO, I trust her with everything, and I know she trusts me. what keeps us together is so much more than just sex.
2. Rule 1, talk about it before hand, respect the other party, if she says no then its a no, dont argue.
3. she will tire with them after time. she is still sleeping next to me at night and she WANTS to be next to me. as it was pointed out earlier in this thread, you cant give your SO 100% of what they need, that is why we all have friends, I view this as the same thing
4. we do, in both a sexual and non sexual way.
5a) I don't decide who she sleeps with, and she does not decide who I sleep with. we talk about it and if either of us are not ok with the third party we back out.
just like you don't pick your SO's clothes out in the morning, the same thing is true for us and third parties.
5. the people we are involved with are safe, we know them all. and we will ALWAYS use a condom with each other and other parties, becuase of STDs and that parasite that takes 9 months to leave your body and then eats all your money and free time for the next 20 plus years
 
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I also want to add in addition to the above 2 posters in open/poly relationships that there is ironically a lot more trust in these couples than in a lot of traditional relationships. Cheating is not when sex happens with a 3rd party - only when the other one doesn't know about it.

The world is changing and more people are realizing that monogamy is an extremely difficult expectation and not everybody fits in that mould. Different strokes for different folks. ;)
 
SaoirseB said:
And neither of you get jealous :confused: Since you openly admit you're in a polyamorous relationship, I have a few questions if you don't mind. I've always been curious about this and open relationships.

1. What is it that keeps you (besides your son) in a relationship with your SO? What or how do you define commitment in your relationship? I hope my question makes sense?
2. Are there any boundaries and what are they?
3. What happens if you or your SO enjoys the company of and spends more time with the third party?
4. Do you and your SO ever spend time together with the third party/parties?
5. How do you decide who sleeps with who?
5. Do you ever worry about STDs - you don't have to answer this if it's too personal.
Click to expand...

1.) She is just an awesome person and I've yet to meet another lady like her, she is incredibly beautiful and wonderful in ways that fit my dysfunctional worldview. We are both poly so she enjoys meeting new people, and she trusts me enough to go and spend time romantically with other women if i ever want to. that seldom happens tho as she likes people a lot more than i like them :p

2.) There are just common sense boundaries, like i don't want a new guy moving in, she tells people upfront that she is poly, etc :p i like to know where she is going just so i know that she's safe and if anything ever bugs her, that she can talk to me

3.) She is welcome to. Just because we love each other, it doesn't mean we want to spend time with each other ALL the time. I know that in a lot of relationships that partners complain that they don't get enough space or that they hardly see their SO, in our case it's that we're our own people and do the things that we love, but when we come back from these things, we want to share the new experiences and what we've been up to

4.) We both prefer not to as we want to do our own things and we can both get very busy, but we've met each other's partners before, invited them over for dinner/visits, played Xbox for a whole day, dropped her off somewhere and spent time socialising

5.) I'm not phased where she sleeps, if guests have come over tho i'll let her spend as much time with them as she can, so i normally camp somewhere else :p

6.) I do worry because STDs are very hard to notice, but she is very careful with protection and so am i, we are also open about our doctor visits and pregnancy scares :p
 
winner said:
We talked about it and she said she will never do it again but I always ask myself why I have to teach someone what to me sounds like common sense. ?
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:wtf: This sounds almost abusive.
 
Baxteen said:
I am also in an open relationship
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What keeps you and this woman together?

If she decides that she no longer wishes to be with you or have contact with you; and wants someone/ something else. would this bother you?
 
SaoirseB said:
And neither of you get jealous :confused: Since you openly admit you're in a polyamorous relationship, I have a few questions if you don't mind. I've always been curious about this and open relationships.

1. What is it that keeps you (besides your son) in a relationship with your SO? What or how do you define commitment in your relationship? I hope my question makes sense?
2. Are there any boundaries and what are they?
3. What happens if you or your SO enjoys the company of and spends more time with the third party?
4. Do you and your SO ever spend time together with the third party/parties?
5. How do you decide who sleeps with who?
5. Do you ever worry about STDs - you don't have to answer this if it's too personal.
Click to expand...

1. I love him. And I intend spending the rest of my life with him.
2. If either one of us vetoes the potential shag. There are also certain set rules that have been agreed on.
3. Hasn't happened yet. If it does we are both secure and trusting enough not to have any issues.
4. Yes. Sometimes we even become friends.
5. By discussion. Communication really is the key here.
6. Yes. Any action is safe and we both go in for regular testing. We also choose partners carefully.

And to those of you going :wtf: the majority of our hook-ups/potential hook-ups are married/involved.
 
ShaunSA said:
1. I love him. And I intend spending the rest of my life with him.
2. If either one of us vetoes the potential shag. There are also certain set rules that have been agreed on.
3. Hasn't happened yet. If it does we are both secure and trusting enough not to have any issues.
4. Yes. Sometimes we even become friends.
5. By discussion. Communication really is the key here.
6. Yes. Any action is safe and we both go in for regular testing. We also choose partners carefully.

And to those of you going :wtf: the majority of our hook-ups/potential hook-ups are married/involved.
Click to expand...

Are homosexuals mostly polygamists?
 
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