(What rouxenator thinks are) funny jokes

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
37,654
What do you call it when you did something wrong and you feel so bad that you just uncontrollably blurt out a confession?

An emission of guilt.
 

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
37,654
You know they're making a new Star Trek series about the first Latino captain?
They're calling him Captain Spicard.
 

Mister 44

Executive Member
Joined
Nov 10, 2011
Messages
5,782
Roses are red
and Violets are flowers
take two Viagra
but consult a physician if it lasts for more than 4 hours
 

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
37,654
For the longest time, I never found my ears, eyes, nose, or tongue very sexy.
Then one day, I came to my senses.

What do you call it when people come to a mutual understanding to dislike a soft cow's milk cheese?
Agree to dis a brie.
 

TheRealRaspeggi

Active Member
Joined
Mar 6, 2020
Messages
61
You know they're making a new Star Trek series about the first Latino captain?
They're calling him Captain Spicard.
Well if Star Wars can have mexicans then spicard is OK with me.

don't ever make fun of fatties...
they got enough on there plate already.

I just wanted to ask the person with tourettes syndrome... excuse me sir but what exactly makes you tick, but thought better of it.

I saw a obese woman get out of a honda fit the other day, misunderstood doctors orders or just amazing irony?

They say the camera puts on 20 pounds... then ffs stop eating the ****ing camera!

Roses are red
and Violets are flowers
take two Viagra
but consult a physician if it lasts for more than 4 hours
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but wips and chains excite me.

Im gonna book mark this thread and come post jimmy carr jokes in it every day for the next 2.4 weeks.
 

TheRealRaspeggi

Active Member
Joined
Mar 6, 2020
Messages
61
I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water". And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.

I did a gig in the US once for the homeless. I said "It's nice to see so many bums on seats".

I'd rather see a pregnant woman standing on the bus than a fat girl sitting down crying.

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol(TM).

"Say what you like about those servicemen amputees from Iraq and Afghanistan, but we're going to have a ****ing good Paralympic team in 2012."
 

TheRealRaspeggi

Active Member
Joined
Mar 6, 2020
Messages
61
here is some Milton Jones jokes...

"Hopefully, I’ve got a book coming out soon. Shouldn’t have eaten it, really."

"One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window. As we played hide and seek and she said: 'you're getting warmer'."

"My grandfather invented the cold air balloon but it never really took off."

"So I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama."

"I don't trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say 'press', but if you press those badges they just fall over all surprised."

Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. I was involved in very organised crime."

"The worst job I ever had was as a forensicologist for the United Nations. One time I thought I'd come across the mass grave of a thousand snowmen, but it turns out it was just a field of carrots."

"To the man on crutches dressed in camouflage who stole my wallet: you can hide but you can't run."

"The school had a big problem with drugs... especially Class A."
 
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Stokstert

Executive Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Messages
6,117
LEXOPHILIA - WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP?

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

I thought I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last.
 
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