(What rouxenator thinks are) funny jokes

Zophos

Expert Member
Joined
Jun 3, 2017
Messages
1,119
So halaal chicken is killed in the traditional way.

So how to you strap a rucksack to a chicken?
 

gamer16

Honorary Master
Joined
Nov 3, 2013
Messages
12,053
Hoe om te besluit hoeveel om te drinkl

As jy weet jy werk more en jy wil nie n babelas he nie, singles.

As jy weet jy werk more maar jy voel n fok, dubels.

As jy vroer daardie middag besluit het venaand bliksem ek my vrou, tripples.
 

gamer16

Honorary Master
Joined
Nov 3, 2013
Messages
12,053
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

What was David Bowie’s last hit?
Probably heroin.

What’s the difference between a joke and two dicks?
You can’t take a joke.

What do you call a deaf gynecologist?
A lip reader.

I hope Death is a woman.
That way it will never come for me.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that tiny thing?

Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.

What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?
Miss by few inches and you’re in deep ****.

Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you got to hand it to her.

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.

Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

What does tofu and a dildo have in common?
They’re both meat substitutes.

What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.

How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

Why are women like KFC?
After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A PDF File.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.

How is virginity like a soap bubble?
One prick and it is gone.

I added Paul walker on Xbox…
But he spends all his time on the dashboard.

How did the leper hockey game end?
There was a face off in the corner.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.

Real men don’t wear pink…
They eat it.

How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.

Why do men always give their jackets to their women when they are cold?
Who wants a blowjob from a woman who is shaking with her teeth?

What do a pizza boy and a gyneocologist have in common?
They both smell it but they can’t eat it.

What do pimps and farmers have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.

How is pubic hair like parsley?
You push it to the side before you start eating.

What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.

What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.

Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.

My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex…
I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.

What’s the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player?
A hockey player showers after 3 periods.

What’s does Donald Trump’s hair and a thong have in common?
They both barely cover the *******.

I’ve been taking Viagra for my sunburn.
It doesn’t cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs.

What is the best part of a blowjob?
Ten minutes of peace and quiet.

I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay.
She said she didn’t have time.

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.

Say what you want about pedophiles…
But at least they drive slow through the school zones.

What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?
Finding out it was traced.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries.

What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?
Names.

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?
A tearjerker.

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?
My penis.

Credit Source
 

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
37,686
What's blue and not heavy?
Light Blue.

What do you tell sea creatures who need to socialise more?
Be an abalone, not a crab alone.
 

Stokstert

Executive Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Messages
6,127
"Great, just what I need," she moaned as he brought home a new microwave
oven.
"One more thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty
seconds."
 

Stokstert

Executive Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Messages
6,127
A new, inexperienced waitress said she was concerned about being able to carry the heavy trays and serve from them. A co-worker explained that there were tray stands placed throughout the restaurant.

The nervous beginner served all her lunches successfully and afterward asked an elderly couple if everything had been all right.

"It was fine, dear," replied the man, "but my wife and I have to leave now. Could she please have her walker back?"
 

Stokstert

Executive Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Messages
6,127
Wife: "Honey, this afternoon the big clock fell off the wall.

Had it fallen a moment sooner, my mother would have been hit on the head and badly hurt."

Husband: "I knew that stupid clock was slow."
 

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
37,686
Punography

I tried to catch some Fog. I mist

When chemists die they barium.

Jokes about German musage are the worst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized we from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type O.

A dyslexic man walla into a bra.

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer Bunny arrested: Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell our of it!

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when ifs hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.
 

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
37,686
I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
 

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
37,686
I never thought I'd be in the competitive world of long-distance ejaculation

And now look how far I've come.
 

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
37,686
Three Hard Mice

Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse slams a shot of scotch, and pounds the shot glass to the bar, turns to the second mouse and says: "When I see a mousetrap, I get on it, lie on my back, and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, and then bench press it 100 times."
The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila. He grabs one in each paw, slams the shots, and pounds the glasses to the bar. He turns to the other mice and replies: "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can and take it home. In the morning, I grind it up into a powder and put it in my coffee so I get a good buzz going for the rest of the day." The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.
The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and **** the cat."
 
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