(What rouxenator thinks are) funny jokes

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
36,176
Personally I think the time has come for ejaculating clocks.

Two condoms are walking down the street and they pass a gay bar. The one condom turns to the other and says "Wanna get **** faced?"
 

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
36,176
Genie: You have two wishes left
Me: I wish the letter G was the letter P instead
Penie: And your final wish?
Me: I wish that every E at the end of a word was an S instead
Penis:
Ms: Nics
 

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
36,176
You need advice, what is the first line of cocaine you seek it from?
First snort of call.

When you are vomiting, what do you sing to the first mouthful you bring up when you know there will be a lot more coming?
Hurl, you'll be a puddle, soon.

Wigs aren't free.
You have toupee.

Why don't bakers give out their recipes?
It's on a knead to dough basis

Next time you want a blow job in the morning, tell your wife you need a head start.

No one ever talks about how the electric eel replaced the internal combustion eel.
 

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
36,176
My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly I'm not fan.

If someone is 10% Polish, that makes them a tad Pole.

If she doesn't like it when you make fun of her weight, tell her to lighten up.

Get yourself a dyslexic hooker who will cook your socks for R50.
 

David101

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 21, 2012
Messages
393
I’m fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex, like:
"I'm tired." "I'm washing my hair." "I've got a headache." “I am your sister-in-law.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman in labor is in pain and screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital
Bed. He says, "Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass, but N-O-O-O-O,
You said that might hurt! “
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted. I spent another $2,000
On a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she
Couldn't thank me enough. But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she
Goes ****ing nuts! Women, I can't figure them out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother in law said to her son's wife when their baby was born, "I don't mean to be
Rude but he doesn't look anything like my son." The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and
Said, "I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy, not a ****ing photo-copier."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Dr Phil:
I was watching my next door neighbor's wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom
Window. As I was jerking off, I turned to notice my wife was just standing there,
Arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert or what?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sorry for not calling you on New Year's, but I just got out of jail. I was
Locked up for punching the **** out of this idiot at a party. In my defense,
When you hear an Arab counting down from 10 your instincts kick in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife just came in and said, "I don't know if I'm coming or going."
I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face you're going, because when
You're coming you look like a ****ing squirrel trying to whistle!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I had a girl named Penny. Is that spooky or what?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip, do you think about me?"
Apparently, "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly!" wasn't the right answer.
 

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
36,176
Fresh from my brain to your eyeballs.

When you can rest easy because you have honey collecting insects inside your head.
Bees of mind.

When you go somewhere no other man has gone before, but you are damp and and fungi grow upon thee.
Too moldly go where no man has gone before.

Why should you never jizz on a hive ?
Because you'll end up with kombees and David Kramer will sing his ****ing songs .

Dexy's Midnight Runners made a bold fashion statement, but it would have been ever bolder had their pantaloons been made from bees.
Dungabees.
 

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
36,176
I went to the doctors recently

He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”

I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”
 

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
36,176
My friend was so obsessed with a ghost girl that people started assuming he's falling for her. So I asked him about the situation to which he responded by saying: "It's nothing serious. She's just a soul, mate"
 

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
36,176
I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants and she dropped her price.

My mother never breastfed me . She told me she only liked me as a friend.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years, and then we met.

I tell ya when I was a kid , all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!

I had a girl I wanted to **** but instead she gave me radiation poisoning.
She wanted me as a plutonium friend.

I grew up in a real tough neighbourhood. I bought a water bed and found a dead guy at the bottom of it.

One time I went to a hotel , I asked the bellhop to handle my bag and he felt up my wife.
 

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
36,176
A crab and a Chinese man whose been run over by a bus ?
One's a crustacean and the other is a crushed Asian.
 

Rouxenator

Dank meme lord
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Messages
36,176
Got asked in an interview about the 4 year gap in my CV. So I said I went to yale.
The interviewer said great, you're hired.
 
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