What was your worst consensual sexual experience?

[ice_cubes]

I'm waiting for that guy who will admit to waking up and finding a lady boy next to him

 

[ArtyLoop]

No amount of money can compensate for that micropeen... funny enough he said he had 2 kids!

2 kids... he probably fapped into a cup and they used AI to conceive those kids.

 

[ice_cubes]

Thats very rude.

I dont do pity sex

 

[ice_cubes]

2 kids... he probably fapped into a cup and they used AI to conceive those kids.

 

[The_Mowgs]

Ok I have been contemplating this entire week if I should share mine. I have 2 stories.

The first one I was like 16 years old, been going out with a girl that was a year older for some time. We were waiting for her mom to come and pick her up when she suggested I go down on her on the couch.

It was going well until my inner gps malfunctioned when I tried to insert a finger. She became very quiet until I realised I stuck it in her ass. She started laughing but it was a bit embarrassing for me at the time.

Second one is a shocker. I was eyeing this one girl who used to always go to the same bar as me in Stellenbosch. It took me a good 6 months to build enough courage to go and talk to her but we always just smiled at each other in a flirty manner.

The one night my friends dragged me out although I said I am not feeling too good, dont know if it was flu or whatever but there we went. Got to the bar and shortly after that this girl and a friend walked in. We had the usual awkward eye contact and flirty smile.

I was by that time feeling really bad and decided to drink some Jaggermeister to see if it will help. That was followed by some tequila, beers, brandy and some other drinks. I finally got the courage (liquid courage) to walk up to the girl and proceeded to have one of the most relaxing and fun conversations ever.

Just before 11 I went in for the kiss which worked. She later asked me why it took .e so long etc etc. We decided to drop her friend and go to her flat.

At the flat one thing led to another until I started to feel bad again and I decided to stop. She looked really disappointed so being the gentleman that I am I decided **** this, harden up and enjoy the evening.

We were going at it doggy style, deep in die lusty moment when I felt that familiar (or so I thought) feeling of my balls tightening and I knew what was coming.

The eruption was now close, it was just before that point where there's no turning back, where your brain is in control.

I honestly honestly thought I was going to cum when my stomach churned and without notice a poop fell out, a solid, longish poop, onto her sheets, neatly between her legs.

At first I thought she did not realize what had just happened until she turned her face around and I saw the horror. The only thing my brain said was "grab the poop and your clothes and run" so that is what I did.

I actually grabbed my turd and my clothes and ran out of her house into the riverbed where I disposed of the turd, washed my hands and got dressed.

I never went back to that bar but I did see the girl once after that but luckily she did not see me.

I had to also hike back to Somerset West at like 3 in the morning which sucked.

 

[ArtyLoop]

Ok I have been contemplating this entire week if I should share mine. I have 2 stories.

The first one I was like 16 years old, been going out with a girl that was a year older for some time. We were waiting for her mom to come and pick her up when she suggested I go down on her on the couch.

It was going well until my inner gps malfunctioned when I tried to insert a finger. She became very quiet until I realised I stuck it in her ass. She started laughing but it was a bit embarrassing for me at the time.

Second one is a shocker. I was eyeing this one girl who used to always go to the same bar as me in Stellenbosch. It took me a good 6 months to build enough courage to go and talk to her but we always just smiled at each other in a flirty manner.

The one night my friends dragged me out although I said I am not feeling too good, dont know if it was flu or whatever but there we went. Got to the bar and shortly after that this girl and a friend walked in. We had the usual awkward eye contact and flirty smile.

I was by that time feeling really bad and decided to drink some Jaggermeister to see if it will help. That was followed by some tequila, beers, brandy and some other drinks. I finally got the courage (liquid courage) to walk up to the girl and proceeded to have one of the most relaxing and fun conversations ever.

Just before 11 I went in for the kiss which worked. She later asked me why it took .e so long etc etc. We decided to drop her friend and go to her flat.

At the flat one thing led to another until I started to feel bad again and I decided to stop. She looked really disappointed so being the gentleman that I am I decided **** this, harden up and enjoy the evening.

We were going at it doggy style, deep in die lusty moment when I felt that familiar (or so I thought) feeling of my balls tightening and I knew what was coming.

The eruption was now close, it was just before that point where there's no turning back, where your brain is in control.

I honestly honestly thought I was going to cum when my stomach churned and without notice a poop fell out, a solid, longish poop, onto her sheets, neatly between her legs.

At first I thought she did not realize what had just happened until she turned her face around and I saw the horror. The only thing my brain said was "grab the poop and your clothes and run" so that is what I did.

I actually grabbed my turd and my clothes and ran out of her house into the riverbed where I disposed of the turd, washed my hands and got dressed.

I never went back to that bar but I did see the girl once after that but luckily she did not see me.

I had to also hike back to Somerset West at like 3 in the morning which sucked.

OMFG.... siffff

 

[BrendanMc]

Ok, so this isn't really a sexual encounter, but something that happened just before.
Years ago, when I was younger and didn't always think before doing things, my ex used to wax.
She would wax her legs and then also the bikini line as certain women do/ did. Now she would always yelp and wince whenever she was waxing. Now of course one day I decide to open my trap and casually mention that surely it can't be that sore, and she is making a meal of it. So I get "The Look" and she promptly replies by saying "OK, so why don't you try it and then pass comment?".
So being young and dumb I go challenge accepted. Now I'm not a complete idiot, though you might feel differently after reading this, so I am well aware that you do need to trim the hair to a certain extent before waxing. I grab the scissors and trim the pubic bush to an acceptable length.
Now being the village idiot that I am, I had trimmed the bush over a mat in the bathroom. Which of course means there was hair lying all over the floor and on the mat. So rather than try sweep it up, i got the trusty Conti 1400W vacuum cleaner (Yes, I remember the brand very well!).
So after vacuuming up the hair on the floor and mat I had a brain fart. In my deluded mind. I assumed that there would be little bits of cut hair still attached to the remaining bush...and what better way to get rid of said bush by vacuuming it up??? I mean, what could possibly go wrong right??? So I switched the vacuum on, and then started to vacuum up the excess hair. This is where i truly learnt to respect the power of a 1400W vacuum cleaner. That little suction puppy grabbed right testicle faster than a flash of lightning. Have you ever had a ball of paper caught on the end of a vacuum cleaner, and it makes that blocked up sound??? Yeah well this made pretty much the same sound.
Now any other reasonable person would just have switched the vacuum cleaner off. Well, not me, in my panicked state, I tried to pull the vacuum loose. This is where you realise how powerful that suction is. At this point seeing that my nut sack was moments away of being removed in it's entirety, I had the clarity of mind to turn the vacuum off.
After that the waxing was a walk in the park...

 

[Pineapple Smurf]

Ok I have been contemplating this entire week if I should share mine. I have 2 stories.

The first one I was like 16 years old, been going out with a girl that was a year older for some time. We were waiting for her mom to come and pick her up when she suggested I go down on her on the couch.

It was going well until my inner gps malfunctioned when I tried to insert a finger. She became very quiet until I realised I stuck it in her ass. She started laughing but it was a bit embarrassing for me at the time.

Second one is a shocker. I was eyeing this one girl who used to always go to the same bar as me in Stellenbosch. It took me a good 6 months to build enough courage to go and talk to her but we always just smiled at each other in a flirty manner.

The one night my friends dragged me out although I said I am not feeling too good, dont know if it was flu or whatever but there we went. Got to the bar and shortly after that this girl and a friend walked in. We had the usual awkward eye contact and flirty smile.

I was by that time feeling really bad and decided to drink some Jaggermeister to see if it will help. That was followed by some tequila, beers, brandy and some other drinks. I finally got the courage (liquid courage) to walk up to the girl and proceeded to have one of the most relaxing and fun conversations ever.

Just before 11 I went in for the kiss which worked. She later asked me why it took .e so long etc etc. We decided to drop her friend and go to her flat.

At the flat one thing led to another until I started to feel bad again and I decided to stop. She looked really disappointed so being the gentleman that I am I decided **** this, harden up and enjoy the evening.

We were going at it doggy style, deep in die lusty moment when I felt that familiar (or so I thought) feeling of my balls tightening and I knew what was coming.

The eruption was now close, it was just before that point where there's no turning back, where your brain is in control.

I honestly honestly thought I was going to cum when my stomach churned and without notice a poop fell out, a solid, longish poop, onto her sheets, neatly between her legs.

At first I thought she did not realize what had just happened until she turned her face around and I saw the horror. The only thing my brain said was "grab the poop and your clothes and run" so that is what I did.

I actually grabbed my turd and my clothes and ran out of her house into the riverbed where I disposed of the turd, washed my hands and got dressed.

I never went back to that bar but I did see the girl once after that but luckily she did not see me.

I had to also hike back to Somerset West at like 3 in the morning which sucked.

Aah man, that is the best one I have read on this thread. Thanx for sharing it LOL

 

[Pineapple Smurf]

Ok, so this isn't really a sexual encounter, but something that happened just before.
Years ago, when I was younger and didn't always think before doing things, my ex used to wax.
She would wax her legs and then also the bikini line as certain women do/ did. Now she would always yelp and wince whenever she was waxing. Now of course one day I decide to open my trap and casually mention that surely it can't be that sore, and she is making a meal of it. So I get "The Look" and she promptly replies by saying "OK, so why don't you try it and then pass comment?".
So being young and dumb I go challenge accepted. Now I'm not a complete idiot, though you might feel differently after reading this, so I am well aware that you do need to trim the hair to a certain extent before waxing. I grab the scissors and trim the pubic bush to an acceptable length.
Now being the village idiot that I am, I had trimmed the bush over a mat in the bathroom. Which of course means there was hair lying all over the floor and on the mat. So rather than try sweep it up, i got the trusty Conti 1400W vacuum cleaner (Yes, I remember the brand very well!).
So after vacuuming up the hair on the floor and mat I had a brain fart. In my deluded mind. I assumed that there would be little bits of cut hair still attached to the remaining bush...and what better way to get rid of said bush by vacuuming it up??? I mean, what could possibly go wrong right??? So I switched the vacuum on, and then started to vacuum up the excess hair. This is where i truly learnt to respect the power of a 1400W vacuum cleaner. That little suction puppy grabbed right testicle faster than a flash of lightning. Have you ever had a ball of paper caught on the end of a vacuum cleaner, and it makes that blocked up sound??? Yeah well this made pretty much the same sound.
Now any other reasonable person would just have switched the vacuum cleaner off. Well, not me, in my panicked state, I tried to pull the vacuum loose. This is where you realise how powerful that suction is. At this point seeing that my nut sack was moments away of being removed in it's entirety, I had the clarity of mind to turn the vacuum off.
After that the waxing was a walk in the park...

 

[The_Mowgs]

Ok, so this isn't really a sexual encounter, but something that happened just before.
Years ago, when I was younger and didn't always think before doing things, my ex used to wax.
She would wax her legs and then also the bikini line as certain women do/ did. Now she would always yelp and wince whenever she was waxing. Now of course one day I decide to open my trap and casually mention that surely it can't be that sore, and she is making a meal of it. So I get "The Look" and she promptly replies by saying "OK, so why don't you try it and then pass comment?".
So being young and dumb I go challenge accepted. Now I'm not a complete idiot, though you might feel differently after reading this, so I am well aware that you do need to trim the hair to a certain extent before waxing. I grab the scissors and trim the pubic bush to an acceptable length.
Now being the village idiot that I am, I had trimmed the bush over a mat in the bathroom. Which of course means there was hair lying all over the floor and on the mat. So rather than try sweep it up, i got the trusty Conti 1400W vacuum cleaner (Yes, I remember the brand very well!).
So after vacuuming up the hair on the floor and mat I had a brain fart. In my deluded mind. I assumed that there would be little bits of cut hair still attached to the remaining bush...and what better way to get rid of said bush by vacuuming it up??? I mean, what could possibly go wrong right??? So I switched the vacuum on, and then started to vacuum up the excess hair. This is where i truly learnt to respect the power of a 1400W vacuum cleaner. That little suction puppy grabbed right testicle faster than a flash of lightning. Have you ever had a ball of paper caught on the end of a vacuum cleaner, and it makes that blocked up sound??? Yeah well this made pretty much the same sound.
Now any other reasonable person would just have switched the vacuum cleaner off. Well, not me, in my panicked state, I tried to pull the vacuum loose. This is where you realise how powerful that suction is. At this point seeing that my nut sack was moments away of being removed in it's entirety, I had the clarity of mind to turn the vacuum off.
After that the waxing was a walk in the park...

Hahahahahahaha. I could actually hear that sound the vacuum makes when struggling whilst reading.

 

[TheMightyQuinn]

I honestly honestly thought I was going to cum when my stomach churned and without notice a poop fell out, a solid, longish poop, onto her sheets, neatly between her legs.

At first I thought she did not realize what had just happened until she turned her face around and I saw the horror. The only thing my brain said was "grab the poop and your clothes and run" so that is what I did.

I actually grabbed my turd and my clothes and ran out of her house into the riverbed where I disposed of the turd, washed my hands and got dressed.

I never went back to that bar but I did see the girl once after that but luckily she did not see me.

I had to also hike back to Somerset West at like 3 in the morning which sucked.

 

[yebocan]

Ok I have been contemplating this entire week if I should share mine. I have 2 stories.

The first one I was like 16 years old, been going out with a girl that was a year older for some time. We were waiting for her mom to come and pick her up when she suggested I go down on her on the couch.

It was going well until my inner gps malfunctioned when I tried to insert a finger. She became very quiet until I realised I stuck it in her ass. She started laughing but it was a bit embarrassing for me at the time.

Second one is a shocker. I was eyeing this one girl who used to always go to the same bar as me in Stellenbosch. It took me a good 6 months to build enough courage to go and talk to her but we always just smiled at each other in a flirty manner.

The one night my friends dragged me out although I said I am not feeling too good, dont know if it was flu or whatever but there we went. Got to the bar and shortly after that this girl and a friend walked in. We had the usual awkward eye contact and flirty smile.

I was by that time feeling really bad and decided to drink some Jaggermeister to see if it will help. That was followed by some tequila, beers, brandy and some other drinks. I finally got the courage (liquid courage) to walk up to the girl and proceeded to have one of the most relaxing and fun conversations ever.

Just before 11 I went in for the kiss which worked. She later asked me why it took .e so long etc etc. We decided to drop her friend and go to her flat.

At the flat one thing led to another until I started to feel bad again and I decided to stop. She looked really disappointed so being the gentleman that I am I decided **** this, harden up and enjoy the evening.

We were going at it doggy style, deep in die lusty moment when I felt that familiar (or so I thought) feeling of my balls tightening and I knew what was coming.

The eruption was now close, it was just before that point where there's no turning back, where your brain is in control.

I honestly honestly thought I was going to cum when my stomach churned and without notice a poop fell out, a solid, longish poop, onto her sheets, neatly between her legs.

At first I thought she did not realize what had just happened until she turned her face around and I saw the horror. The only thing my brain said was "grab the poop and your clothes and run" so that is what I did.

I actually grabbed my turd and my clothes and ran out of her house into the riverbed where I disposed of the turd, washed my hands and got dressed.

I never went back to that bar but I did see the girl once after that but luckily she did not see me.

I had to also hike back to Somerset West at like 3 in the morning which sucked.

winner! haahahaha

 

[SeRpEnT]

I honestly honestly thought I was going to cum when my stomach churned and without notice a poop fell out, a solid, longish poop, onto her sheets, neatly between her legs.

LMFAO

 

[Wut]

I'm waiting for that guy who will admit to waking up and finding a lady boy next to him

I was punched in the face by one during a heavy party night.

 

[sand_man]

I'm waiting for that guy who will admit to waking up and finding a lady boy next to him

The morning after a one night stand, I woke up to find my junk covered in dry menstrual blood.

Does that count?

 

[Wut]

The morning after a one night stand, I woke up to find my junk covered in dry menstrual blood.

Does that count?

Urgh. Super STD risk right there.

 

[sand_man]

Urgh. Super STD risk right there.

Bigtime!! In fact this was at a time when HIV was featuring prominently in the news. I was young and reckless.

 

[Wut]

Bigtime!! In fact this was at a time when HIV was featuring prominently in the news. I was young and reckless.

I had a condom tear with a girl just after her period and I freaked out. Rushed to the bathroom and washed my junk with mouthwash immediately (I know it wouldn't have helped and it burned like hell, but I was panicked).

 

[ice_cubes]

I had a condom tear with a girl just after her period and I freaked out. Rushed to the bathroom and washed my junk with mouthwash immediately (I know it wouldn't have helped and it burned like hell, but I was panicked).

 

[Slootvreter]

The morning after a one night stand, I woke up to find my junk covered in dry menstrual blood.

Does that count?

Doesn't matter. it's about the sex.