What was your worst consensual sexual experience?

[Wasp_21]

I think I have an idea. Think about what area he thinks he is skilled in.

What is a red faced Indian situation?

Yes. Id rather not go into detail.

 

[Hamster]

2.) On Saturday while with my gf as she was chewing airwaves bubblegum I had this bright idea of telling her to go down on me while she still had the fresh airwaves breath on her. It barely took 10 seconds when the pleasure turned into pain. It actually had me screaming out loud while she was laughing her ass off. I told her maybe I should do it to her so she can see it's no laughing matter. That is something I'll wish on my worst enemies.

Wuss

 

[Ancalagon]

I think I have an idea. Think about what area he thinks he is skilled in.

Ha ha ha ha I get it!

Okay that is a little gross!

 

[Ninja'd]

Wuss

Se gat!

 

[EMAM]

With someone from MyBB no doubt..

Erm. .ya, well, no but us but never mind

 

[Grant]

A properly raised person never tells...

i was spawned on the back seat of a valiant and brought up in the gutter - i'm gonna tell

 

[Ninja'd]

i was spawned on the back seat of a valiant and brought up in the gutter - i'm gonna tell

Has enough space for an orgy.

 

[WaxLyrical]

Yeah, had a few that enjoyed a finger in the hol while eating them out. Only the tip, though. Otherwise it hurts when you pull out. Weird, but yeah, they do like it. Others just liked stroking or massaging the hol lightly while eating.

You should change your nick to slootgatvreter.

 

[Surv0]

Yes. Id rather not go into detail.

Oh wow, only just got it.... what was the word... rainbow kiss or something? Ewwww

I had a similar one, but it was more a red stained groin and stomach situation.. more an issue for her than me though.

 

[EMAM]

Ewww....all this "red" talk. ....thank goodness for chemo induced menopause!

 

[ArtyLoop]

Ewww....all this "red" talk. ....thank goodness for chemo induced menopause!

The colour red doesn't come to mind, actually the colour white does..

 

[WaxLyrical]

Quite a few. On my dating spree there were a few interesting situations.
1st: Started seeing a woman. "3rd date" at my place. Lots of wine, ended up in a great night of passion. First thing the next morning, I offered her coffee. She said yes, and asked do I have coconut oil. I said I did, and asked why? She says back, "Its perfect for anal lube"... Whilst I am no prude and have enjoyed butt play before, 7am butt sex with coconut oil wasn't my first thought.

Bulletproof anal?

 

[EMAM]

The colour red doesn't come to mind, actually the colour white does..

Racist!

 

[Slootvreter]

Bulletproof anal?

Yeah well, 7am, he was probably scared that she would stront on him

 

[EMAM]

.

 

[The_Right_Honourable_Brit]

Too early for a Friday thread

 

[Grant]

where to start . . .

1)
so i'm in bronx, darting back and forth between bronx and detour (bronx = bar on ground floor, detour = club upstairs).
i spy some hottie and think to myself "gonna git me some of that ass later".
i plunge headlong into my usual (at the time) chemical and alcohol driven night of insanity - i'm upstairs, downstairs, outside on the pavement - all over, like a bad rash, but all the while i'm keeping an eye on hottie.
at some point i'm back upstairs in detour and head over to one of the bars where a not so good drag queen friend is a barman. i belly up to the bar "oi monkeywoman (was a nickname i gave him) bring on the tequila.
monkeywoman comes over with the bottle "pour woman", i instruct - monkeywoman pours a shot for each of us.
"more" i shout - monkeywoman pours another two for us.
"grace (a nickname given to me by the drag queens), you old whore, chop us a line".
i slip around the side of the bar and produce a pair of railway lines.
"tequila sheila", i bark at monkey - the tequila flows.
next thing hottie is standing next to me with a big grin "i've been watching you" he says.
"monkey, bring the bottle, tequila for the delicious chicken"
monkeywoman hauls out the bottle and pours tequila for the 3 of us, but while pouring looks at me "grace, do what you do best. i slip round the side of the bar and produce 3 railway tracks.
"grace, got any wobblywater (ghb) ?" i haul out a bottle & grab 3 shot glasses and pour. 10 minutes later the 3 of us are well and truly farked, cackling like hyenas and clinging onto and solid structure to remain upright.

next thing hottie has his hands all over my peen - "lets go to my place for a bit" he says.
"monkey, see you just now" - and off hottie and i go.
i'm led off to his car, in we jump and off we go.
now this is highly unusual, it's usually my place, or i take my car - but i'm totally rat-arsed and schitfaced.
next thing i realise we are on the n1. "uhm, where is home" i ask hottie".
"johannesburg, but woodbridge island for the weekend"
as we drive, i'm sobering up a little more, but 2 things come to mind:
1) hottie is looking less and less hot as each kilometer passes
2) i'm not entirely over the moon at being dragged off to milnerton
we eventually get to woodbridge island and get inside. i stagger out to the patio & see the sky has gone from deep black to a purple black.
"hottie appears with drinks", but hottie is definitely not what he earlier appeared to be.
hotties starts pawing me - hands everywhere.
desperate to buy some thinking time to figure my way out of this, i haul out the marching powder and take a really long time to produce what i normally can within 60 seconds.
worst mistake ever !!
by now hottie has undone my pants, got one hand on my peen, the other inside my shirt, and rubbing himself against my leg - like a cat at a scratching post.
i come to the icy realisation that there is only one way out of this, and its best dealt with like quickly ripping a plaster off your skin.

i grab hottie and pull him onto the bed, rip his pants off him thinking a quick handy will end this nightmare.
he's flat on his back & i pounce on him to pin him down, i reach for, and grab his peen, and i'm like wtf ??
i move back a little to let my eyes focus - - - a micropeen is staring me in the face.
"oh lord" i think to myself" i dont even know what to do with this little fragile looking thing.
giving a handy will be quite a challenge, and there is no way on earth that thing was going in my mouth.
the gods smiled upon me, a few strokes and my torment was over.
with that, i leapt off the bed, pulled up my pants and claimed i had to get back to town before my car was towed away.
got back to town, hottie was in love, i was aghast, leapt out of his car and into mine and sped away not looking back.

 

[EMAM]

where to start . . .

1)
so i'm in bronx, darting back and forth between bronx and detour (bronx = bar on ground floor, detour = club upstairs).
i spy some hottie and think to myself "gonna git me some of that ass later".
i plunge headlong into my usual (at the time) chemical and alcohol driven night of insanity - i'm upstairs, downstairs, outside on the pavement - all over, like a bad rash, but all the while i'm keeping an eye on hottie.
at some point i'm back upstairs in detour and head over to one of the bars where a not so good drag queen friend is a barman. i belly up to the bar "oi monkeywoman (was a nickname i gave him) bring on the tequila.
monkeywoman comes over with the bottle "pour woman", i instruct - monkeywoman pours a shot for each of us.
"more" i shout - monkeywoman pours another two for us.
"grace (a nickname given to me by the drag queens), you old whore, chop us a line".
i slip around the side of the bar and produce a pair of railway lines.
"tequila sheila", i bark at monkey - the tequila flows.
next thing hottie is standing next to me with a big grin "i've been watching you" he says.
"monkey, bring the bottle, tequila for the delicious chicken"
monkeywoman hauls out the bottle and pours tequila for the 3 of us, but while pouring looks at me "grace, do what you do best. i slip round the side of the bar and produce 3 railway tracks.
"grace, got any wobblywater (ghb) ?" i haul out a bottle & grab 3 shot glasses and pour. 10 minutes later the 3 of us are well and truly farked, cackling like hyenas and clinging onto and solid structure to remain upright.

next thing hottie has his hands all over my peen - "lets go to my place for a bit" he says.
"monkey, see you just now" - and off hottie and i go.
i'm led off to his car, in we jump and off we go.
now this is highly unusual, it's usually my place, or i take my car - but i'm totally rat-arsed and schitfaced.
next thing i realise we are on the n1. "uhm, where is home" i ask hottie".
"johannesburg, but woodbridge island for the weekend"
as we drive, i'm sobering up a little more, but 2 things come to mind:
1) hottie is looking less and less hot as each kilometer passes
2) i'm not entirely over the moon at being dragged off to milnerton
we eventually get to woodbridge island and get inside. i stagger out to the patio & see the sky has gone from deep black to a purple black.
"hottie appears with drinks", but hottie is definitely not what he earlier appeared to be.
hotties starts pawing me - hands everywhere.
desperate to buy some thinking time to figure my way out of this, i haul out the marching powder and take a really long time to produce what i normally can within 60 seconds.
worst mistake ever !!
by now hottie has undone my pants, got one hand on my peen, the other inside my shirt, and rubbing himself against my leg - like a cat at a scratching post.
i come to the icy realisation that there is only one way out of this, and its best dealt with like quickly ripping a plaster off your skin.

i grab hottie and pull him onto the bed, rip his pants off him thinking a quick handy will end this nightmare.
he's flat on his back & i pounce on him to pin him down, i reach for, and grab his peen, and i'm like wtf ??
i move back a little to let my eyes focus - - - a micropeen is staring me in the face.
"oh lord" i think to myself" i dont even know what to do with this little fragile looking thing.
giving a handy will be quite a challenge, and there is no way on earth that thing was going in my mouth.
the gods smiled upon me, a few strokes and my torment was over.
with that, i leapt off the bed, pulled up my pants and claimed i had to get back to town before my car was towed away.
got back to town, hottie was in love, i was aghast, leapt out of his car and into mine and sped away not looking back.

Tldr

You have a problem with going to the slums of Milnerton?

Snob!

 

[ArtyLoop]

.

I would have thought a lady of your stature used a better dido than that cheap thing you have there. Also its advisable not to keep them on top of the toilet, germs, and moisture and all that.

 

[EMAM]

I would have thought a lady of your stature used a better dido than that cheap thing you have there. Also its advisable not to keep them on top of the toilet, germs, and moisture and all that.

That's actually my ex's.
Mine is an exclusive red baby with swarovski crystals on, made by a top sex toy designer in the UK