What was your worst consensual sexual experience?

WaxLyrical

WaxLyrical

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ArtyLoop said:
I would have thought a lady of your stature used a better dido than that cheap thing you have there. Also its advisable not to keep them on top of the toilet, germs, and moisture and all that.
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Why don't you recommend the one you using?
 
EMAM

EMAM

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ShaunSA said:
Lost me at "i'm in bronx"
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Bronx was THE gay club in the heyday. ...while I was tucked home in bed, ant_man was frequenting it too......used to tell me he was working late......ummmm ....ya
 
Mike Hoxbig

Mike Hoxbig

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EMAM said:
That's actually my ex's.
Mine is an exclusive red baby with swarovski crystals on, made by a top sex toy designer in the UK
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So that explains why Nick is so nice recently. His dick is sitting in your bathroom...
 
Craig_

Craig_

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Mike Hoxbig said:
So that explains why Nick is so nice recently. His dick is sitting in your bathroom...
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Also explains why he is so grumpy at times, I would also be miserable if that thing went down there at any stage....
 
Grant

Grant

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EMAM said:
Tldr

You have a problem with going to the slums of Milnerton?

Snob!
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nothing to do with slums and snobbery - i assumed "home" for a quickie, did not include travel on national highways
 
ArtyLoop

ArtyLoop

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EMAM said:
Bronx was THE gay club in the heyday. ...while I was tucked home in bed, ant_man was frequenting it too......used to tell me he was working late......ummmm ....ya
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So you came a cropper back then...
 
Craig_

Craig_

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Grant said:
where to start . . .

1)
so i'm in bronx, darting back and forth between bronx and detour (bronx = bar on ground floor, detour = club upstairs).
i spy some hottie and think to myself "gonna git me some of that ass later".
i plunge headlong into my usual (at the time) chemical and alcohol driven night of insanity - i'm upstairs, downstairs, outside on the pavement - all over, like a bad rash, but all the while i'm keeping an eye on hottie.
at some point i'm back upstairs in detour and head over to one of the bars where a not so good drag queen friend is a barman. i belly up to the bar "oi monkeywoman (was a nickname i gave him) bring on the tequila.
monkeywoman comes over with the bottle "pour woman", i instruct - monkeywoman pours a shot for each of us.
"more" i shout - monkeywoman pours another two for us.
"grace (a nickname given to me by the drag queens), you old whore, chop us a line".
i slip around the side of the bar and produce a pair of railway lines.
"tequila sheila", i bark at monkey - the tequila flows.
next thing hottie is standing next to me with a big grin "i've been watching you" he says.
"monkey, bring the bottle, tequila for the delicious chicken"
monkeywoman hauls out the bottle and pours tequila for the 3 of us, but while pouring looks at me "grace, do what you do best. i slip round the side of the bar and produce 3 railway tracks.
"grace, got any wobblywater (ghb) ?" i haul out a bottle & grab 3 shot glasses and pour. 10 minutes later the 3 of us are well and truly farked, cackling like hyenas and clinging onto and solid structure to remain upright.

next thing hottie has his hands all over my peen - "lets go to my place for a bit" he says.
"monkey, see you just now" - and off hottie and i go.
i'm led off to his car, in we jump and off we go.
now this is highly unusual, it's usually my place, or i take my car - but i'm totally rat-arsed and schitfaced.
next thing i realise we are on the n1. "uhm, where is home" i ask hottie".
"johannesburg, but woodbridge island for the weekend"
as we drive, i'm sobering up a little more, but 2 things come to mind:
1) hottie is looking less and less hot as each kilometer passes
2) i'm not entirely over the moon at being dragged off to milnerton
we eventually get to woodbridge island and get inside. i stagger out to the patio & see the sky has gone from deep black to a purple black.
"hottie appears with drinks", but hottie is definitely not what he earlier appeared to be.
hotties starts pawing me - hands everywhere.
desperate to buy some thinking time to figure my way out of this, i haul out the marching powder and take a really long time to produce what i normally can within 60 seconds.
worst mistake ever !!
by now hottie has undone my pants, got one hand on my peen, the other inside my shirt, and rubbing himself against my leg - like a cat at a scratching post.
i come to the icy realisation that there is only one way out of this, and its best dealt with like quickly ripping a plaster off your skin.

i grab hottie and pull him onto the bed, rip his pants off him thinking a quick handy will end this nightmare.
he's flat on his back & i pounce on him to pin him down, i reach for, and grab his peen, and i'm like wtf ??
i move back a little to let my eyes focus - - - a micropeen is staring me in the face.
"oh lord" i think to myself" i dont even know what to do with this little fragile looking thing.
giving a handy will be quite a challenge, and there is no way on earth that thing was going in my mouth.
the gods smiled upon me, a few strokes and my torment was over.
with that, i leapt off the bed, pulled up my pants and claimed i had to get back to town before my car was towed away.
got back to town, hottie was in love, i was aghast, leapt out of his car and into mine and sped away not looking back.
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If you don't mind me asking, where was this Bronx club?
 
ShaunSA

ShaunSA

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Grant said:
i grab hottie and pull him onto the bed, rip his pants off him thinking a quick handy will end this nightmare.
he's flat on his back & i pounce on him to pin him down, i reach for, and grab his peen, and i'm like wtf ??
i move back a little to let my eyes focus - - - a micropeen is staring me in the face.
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Your victim's just outed himself

UrBaN963 said:
I don't have a Super Venda, it's more of a Micro Venda. Is this still effective?
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