What you earn belongs to the family what she earns belongs to her

[I.am.Sam]

slightly OT but if your wife does not work, ie. looking after the kids. Would you pay her a montly allowence and/or just give her access to your cards?

if you can afford to why not give her a "salary"

 

[F1 Fan]

slightly OT but if your wife does not work, ie. looking after the kids. Would you pay her a montly allowence and/or just give her access to your cards?

Give her access to my cards. I suppose it is totally dependant on your SO's personality. I know my wife never wastes, and therefore have no problem giving her access.

 

[ISP cash cow]

All of our money goes into one bank account of which both of us have card access too and we both have credit cards linked to the same account. We spend when and where we need, both of us aren't extravagant spenders and so we never have much problem with regards to over spending.

 

[Loumina]

We all have to get one thing straight:
"... men are born genetically provider... and women, [financial] manager..." lol! (From "Think like a man")
Just kidding... But true though!
Anyway, as a woman myself, I find it just selfish to have to get the husband/BF/fiancee to ask permission before buying anything, while I don't.

 

[ShaunSA]

We all have to get one thing straight:
"... men are born genetically provider... and women, [financial] manager..." lol! (From "Think like a man")
Just kidding... But true though!
Anyway, as a women myself, I find it just selfish to have to get the husband/BF/fiancee to ask permission before buying anything, while I don't.

I prefer to call it consultation rather than permission. The one who handles the budget does need to be consulted on any purchase.

What may seem like a small purchase/purchases can soon add to to quite a bit.

 

[Cius]

Don't understand how people can trust a person enough to marry them and have kids with them but not with money. We have one budget that all earnings (hers and mine) go into. The budget then pays the bills and gives us each personal spending money. We each get a few hundred in pocket money as well as clothing money etc. I give her a lot more clothing money than I take as makeup and stuff is expensive and I generally can use clothes a lot longer. We both have copies of cards for each others accounts and have no doubts that either of us will cheat by spending family money on ourselves.

So glad I can fully trust my wife. The OP's arrangement sounds broken and I would not marry a women who expected that.

 

[MisterBigglesworth]

Dude....that's most marriages. I got tired of it, end of each month I was scraping by while my wife was growing her savings. Was starting to piss me off. So now, all expenses etc go 50/50. Sure...she is not happy about it (I still dont get why...maybe it's because she earns more than me...which really means she should actually be helping more).

Anyways, at least I have a bit of cash in my account now...and it finally feels like we work as a team...

 

[smallearth]

You should stop buying yourself handbags

Lol, damn, my secret is out....

 

[Loumina]

I prefer to call it consultation rather than permission. The one who handles the budget does need to be consulted on any purchase.

What may seem like a small purchase/purchases can soon add to to quite a bit.

You can call it consultation or whatever, I just don't find the idea fair.
I do agree with Cius's and ISP cash cow's idea. Basically, we gather our money, pay what we have to and give ourselves some pocket money... If consultation required, it will have to be for something big and unplanned. And it goes both ways, regardless of who handles the finances (if there is one).

 

[pboy]

Dude....that's most marriages. I got tired of it, end of each month I was scraping by while my wife was growing her savings. Was starting to piss me off. So now, all expenses etc go 50/50. Sure...she is not happy about it (I still dont get why...maybe it's because she earns more than me...which really means she should actually be helping more).

Anyways, at least I have a bit of cash in my account now...and it finally feels like we work as a team...

yea i know what you mean man.
when i decided to to 50-50 with the wife, she earned less than me, so we worked percentages instead of actual figures. that way she has a certain percentage of her salary contributing the same percentage as me.
so at teh end we were left with the same percentage of our salaries in our accounts for spending. if you earn a bigger salary, then you have a bigger amount left. but same percentage.
get it.

now though we have levelled up. and i am feeling the pinch!
time for another budget meeting i guess. sigh! will have to bring flowers home that day!

 

[bassplayer]

Wow, some people are seriously whipped. Man the f*** up.

 

[noxibox]

I earn the money, so I don't ask permission.

You should stop buying yourself handbags

But they go with my shoes.

Don't understand how people can trust a person enough to marry them and have kids with them but not with money.

Why not, they're completely different things. Some people are just bad with money.

 

[DerpiesFreud]

Don't understand how people can trust a person enough to marry them and have kids with them but not with money. We have one budget that all earnings (hers and mine) go into. The budget then pays the bills and gives us each personal spending money. We each get a few hundred in pocket money as well as clothing money etc. I give her a lot more clothing money than I take as makeup and stuff is expensive and I generally can use clothes a lot longer. We both have copies of cards for each others accounts and have no doubts that either of us will cheat by spending family money on ourselves.

So glad I can fully trust my wife. The OP's arrangement sounds broken and I would not marry a women who expected that.

My parents do that,combine both salaries into a pool and take expenses out of that.I quite like the idea of that
However in our current age,the divorce rate is high,prenups and all stuff like that,I simply find it easier to have the X% system...maybe my views would change when I get closer to gestation

 

[Fiesta]

So I guess my parents are Indian.... Shame, my poor dad

 

[AfricanTech]

My wife and I both check with each other if we want to have any out of budget expenditure, such as cellphones, handbags, laptops, games, etc...

All our earnings are considered household funds...

This

 

[Kosmik]

My parents do that,combine both salaries into a pool and take expenses out of that.I quite like the idea of that
However in our current age,the divorce rate is high,prenups and all stuff like that,I simply find it easier to have the X% system...maybe my views would change when I get closer to gestation

With marriage you can still have a anc on paper which separates your finances, both with and without accrual. There's nothing stopping you both from implementing the joint concept anyway and if thing get bad, there is no issue with a split. My wife is at home with our son now but when she worked,our money would go joint and pay bills etc. We used to allocate a little aside for her to do whatever she wanted. Big expenses we work out together. If you don't have that trust, then there are deeper issues.

 

[AfricanTech]

slightly OT but if your wife does not work, ie. looking after the kids. Would you pay her a montly allowence and/or just give her access to your cards?

She has access to the cards - if you can't trust each other on all levels you shouldn't be married.

 

[noxibox]

She has access to the cards - if you can't trust each other on all levels you shouldn't be married.

So I should trust my wife to configure and maintain the server?

If you don't have that trust, then there are deeper issues.

Fact is some people are irresponsible with money and it would be incredibly stupid to leave them to wipe out the family finances.

 

[DerpiesFreud]

So I should trust my wife to configure and maintain the server?


Fact is some people are irresponsible with money and it would be incredibly stupid to leave them to wipe out the family finances.

Yes,IF SHE IS QUALIFIED
as to your 2nd point,some people are not qualified to handle money,have sex or breathe....yet they do it anyway

 

[RichardG]

Let us not generalize or anything!

Every culture is different and human being we not all the same.

Sometimes it's the way you were brought up - things that your parents didn't have and they motivate you.

Don't get me wrong nothing wrong with a women being self independent and following their goal in life to pursue.

When married it's equal responsibility everyone has to do their part to contribute to household expenses,school fees, clothing for kids, utility, house loan, car repayments, fuel, etc. Do house work together, not sit behind the television but help around the house. Do dishes, ironing, washing etc. (house chores).