When is the right time to move in together

bsntombela · Feb 9, 2009

Hi Guys,

My girlfriend and I have been friends for 5 years, and have been dating for 8 months. She spends most of her time at my place (I really do not mind since I don't really have that many friends). Thing is she just recently got retrenched, meaning she's unable to pay for her apartment's rent anymore. We had discussed her staying with me till she finds a new job (though I think this might end up being a permanent setting).

I like having her around a lot, but since she's been laid off, she has understandably become more depressed, aggressive, impatient and does not listen to me that much any more. I have spoken to her about this and she said that she was aware that her behaviour had changed and it was affecting our relationship. She asked that I bare with her for a while...

Should I really still consider moving in with her at this time? I somehow think that this might just affect the quality of our relationship and we may end up hating each other...
Plz advice

CathJ · Feb 9, 2009

Well, telling her she can't move in might also affect the quality of your relationship

It's a difficult one - you should be moving in together because you feel it's right, not because she's got nowhere else to go. Given that's the situation you're in, though... give her some time. Try to be understanding, she's going through something difficult.

Byakuya · Feb 9, 2009

When is the right time to move in together? When she has mastered the arts of cooking cleaning and another ~ing!

xrapidx · Feb 9, 2009

bsntombela said:
Should I really still consider moving in with her at this time? I somehow think that this might just affect the quality of our relationship and we may end up hating each other...

If you have to ask - then don't do it.

thedutchman · Feb 9, 2009

well cant she find a better job with better payment ? what is she doing for a living that she cant even afford her own place anymore ? how old are you guys ??

Waaib · Feb 9, 2009

I have a colleague who met her husband on a Wednesday. They had a date on the Friday and she spent the night at his place. On Saturday she moved in. They've been together 17 years and have 3 wonderful kids. So from my sample group 3 days is the perfect time to move in.

YelloFever · Feb 9, 2009

Just after she wins the lottery.

xrapidx · Feb 9, 2009

Waaib said:
I have a colleague who met her husband on a Wednesday. They had a date on the Friday and she spent the night at his place. On Saturday she moved in. They've been together 17 years and have 3 wonderful kids. So from my sample group 3 days is the perfect time to move in.

Yeh - my current girlfriend literally moved in two days after we got together - we're still going strong...

EDIT: It is something the old fashioned parents frowned upon

syntax · Feb 9, 2009

Its different for everyone, i would not do it now though. Moving in can create an added stress, and she sounds like she is stressing enough. Be supportive at the moment, and when she is back on her feet and everything is great. Ask her.

Also, with her being laid off, she has financial woes. Moving in with you might create tension with regards to her not being able to pay her way...on both sides actually... If she cant pay it might make her feel like she is not contributing etc, or u might feel like she is sponging...

Basically move in when things are stable and ur comfortable enough with it...Spending most nights together and living together are very different....

Slootvreter · Feb 9, 2009

thedutchman said:
well cant she find a better job with better payment ? what is she doing for a living that she cant even afford her own place anymore ? how old are you guys ??

She is retrenched, meaning she is out of work.

Vegeta · Feb 9, 2009

Do it if you both get something out of it be a little selfish girls are selfish all the time. She gains a place to stay what do u gain? If you gained lets say a car she has one you dont maybe that would do or lets say you both earn an income and together you can afford a luxary flat but on your own you cant kwl man. You need to atleast get a little something for all the baby-momma-drama you're gonna have to put up with. Even though you dont have kids buddy she ur baby-momma in a sense!

brixton tower · Feb 9, 2009

Byakuya said:
When is the right time to move in together? When she has mastered the arts of cooking cleaning and another ~ing!

True dat

But on the real it would be silly the kick the woman out now that she's going through a rough patch. She's understandably aggressive but if you're man enough you'll be able to deal with her mood swings.

stoke · Feb 9, 2009

This is the cool part about your life. You get to decide based on your value system.
Fun innit?

bsntombela · Feb 9, 2009

Thank you guys, you've really given some light onto the situation...

I guess I will hold off living together for a while till she gets back on her feet, then I'll take it from there...

PS: My Xbox 360 almost got trashed just becoz i forgot to take the trash out!!!

bsntombela · Feb 9, 2009

Vegeta said:
Do it if you both get something out of it be a little selfish girls are selfish all the time. She gains a place to stay what do u gain? If you gained lets say a car she has one you dont maybe that would do or lets say you both earn an income and together you can afford a luxary flat but on your own you cant kwl man. You need to atleast get a little something for all the baby-momma-drama you're gonna have to put up with. Even though you dont have kids buddy she ur baby-momma in a sense!

We had already started saving some cash when we started dating, currently that is helping pay her car installments. Just the other day I suggested that the car be ridden off, lets just say her reaction to that was not too diplomatic.

I have hope though, coz most of the time we get along, it's just the intensity of the isolated incidents that really get met thinking

Vegeta · Feb 9, 2009

bsntombela said:
Thank you guys, you've really given some light onto the situation...

I guess I will hold off living together for a while till she gets back on her feet, then I'll take it from there...

PS: My Xbox 360 almost got trashed just becoz i forgot to take the trash out!!!

Agggg dont worry about that my little lady constantly threatens that she's going to throw water in my pc case because she usually threatened to cut the cables i told her that water would be the only thing i wont be able to recover from in 10min. She's never done it though, dont think she will but she surely cant clearly(in her hormone infested mind) understand me when i say "if you do that, i will keeeeeel you!"

Vegeta · Feb 9, 2009

bsntombela said:
We had already started saving some cash when we started dating, currently that is helping pay her car installments. Just the other day I suggested that the car be ridden off, lets just say her reaction to that was not too diplomatic.

I have hope though, coz most of the time we get along, it's just the intensity of the isolated incidents that really get met thinking

LOL why are women so touchy when it comes to their cars? Maybe because they only started driving the other day? Or is it the only sure murder weapon they own if you deceide to go stray? Strange little creatures they are...

thedutchman · Feb 9, 2009

Vegeta said:
LOL why are women so touchy when it comes to their cars? Maybe because they only started driving the other day? Or is it the only sure murder weapon they own if you deceide to go stray? Strange little creatures they are...

+111111

CathJ · Feb 9, 2009

Vegeta said:
Do it if you both get something out of it be a little selfish girls are selfish all the time. She gains a place to stay what do u gain? If you gained lets say a car she has one you dont maybe that would do or lets say you both earn an income and together you can afford a luxary flat but on your own you cant kwl man. You need to atleast get a little something for all the baby-momma-drama you're gonna have to put up with. Even though you dont have kids buddy she ur baby-momma in a sense!

Err, no.

What you get out of is being with her.
What she gets out of it is being with you.

If you want something more materialistic, you're not moving in together for the right reasons. Then you need a flatmate, not a girlfriend.

Vegeta · Feb 9, 2009

thedutchman said:
+111111

Myne has one she never drives(EVER) refuses to sell it because it has sentimental value. Its on my name btw.... I cant make sense of it, i never talk about the car soon as i mention even the first letter of its name she starts shouting

I dont even mention selling it and she screams: "I'm not selling it!!!!!"

btw she has another with every extra in the world

When is the right time to move in together

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