Who has to Financially look after their retired parent(s)/inlaw(s)

[Neuk_]

Wow. 34% responsible for parents. Would never have thought that.

I won't be surprised if it isn't more, I have a few friends who help their parents financially in some way, one friend even paid off his parents bond while helping them with monthly expenses.

I got lucky with my parents, my dad was refused entry in to the SA army so started working straight out of school while attending university part time but still managed to open his first RA within a week of starting work. He has been very financially responsible as my mother stopped work when my youngest brother was born so they only have his retirement savings to live on. He did work at effectively the same company for 42 years, so they have been covering some costs since his retirement as he joined while defined retirement benefits was still in place.

 

[ToxicBunny]

I count myself as one of the lucky few that doesn't have to financially help my parents out at all.

In saying that though, my parents do live on my property, but they renovated the granny flat themselves to suit exactly what they wanted when they decided to downsize from the ridiculously large 3 bed home they owned.
Should it ever get to a point of needing to help out though, there won't be any questions and I will happily step in to help.

 

[competentblob]

No we're estranged but I know my sibling in Australia provides them about R8k a month.

 

[maumau]

Interesting thread, in my family all parents help their adult children out ESPECIALLY now because of covid.

Without exception.

 

[blunt]

I help my parents partially each month, zero pension there just some dwindling savings, my uncle is fairly well off and would probably assist if ever required.

Luckily the MIL married a foreigner with a good pension that pays for her til she's gone, she doesn't even understand how to read a bank statement (wilful ignorance coupled with stupidity and arrogance) so I do all her finances for her.

 

[Crowley]

My dad passed away a few years ago and my mom got put on retirement in 2020 during the lockdown.

My mom stays with me and I pay for everything for her. She was quite adamant that she wanted to pay some sort of rent but I asked her to keep that money to go visit family or buy things for her garden or whatever she wants to do. Being able to look after my mom and paying back a small bit of what her and my dad did for me is a honor.

 

[Meister-Man]

My dad got retrenched at 64, during covid.
He has a measly pension as he blew it all in his late 40s when my mom passed.
With his modest job he's done what he can to recover but basically starting to save for retirement in your late 40s you are always playing catch-up.
So in a few years I will likely need to help out.

 

[Scorpio7771]

My dad passed away a few years ago and my mom got put on retirement in 2020 during the lockdown.

My mom stays with me and I pay for everything for her. She was quite adamant that she wanted to pay some sort of rent but I asked her to keep that money to go visit family or buy things for her garden or whatever she wants to do. Being able to look after my mom and paying back a small bit of what her and my dad did for me is a honor.

Utmost respect for you. Right attitude.

 

[aqualung]

May post a longer reply later, but yes, send my parents R7500 every month. It’s a strain, and I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t some resentment (father made ZERO plans for retirement and sails along blissfully unaware).

 

[Moto Guzzi]

I am convinced that for most the best planning for retirement will be just a dream come retirement, then they wake up to another dream, and this will NOT get better for obvious reasons. Our lifespan is just too short(70-90 years) to effectively learn from this on a global level, so its a repeat and rinse situation for the new birthlings.

 

[Mike Hoxbig]

My folks are fine financially. They have their health issues due to their age but they're mobile.

MIL passed away last year. FIL had a stroke shortly after and isn't mobile nor financially independent. He blew his pension.

Most of the responsibility of seeing to him has fallen onto the 2 single children. They're in a position to tend to him, and don't want to spend money on frail care, so they need to take it on themselves.

We have a family of our own. The baby takes up most of our energy and he's unfortunately our priority. We do send some money each month, but that's about the most we can do to help.

As bad as it sounds, I can't allow someone else's poor life choices to take over our marriage. If my folks were in the same position, I'd fork out for a retirement village with frail care. But if his kids don't want to, it's not my place to get involved...

 

[Venomous]

I am hated! Absolutely hated by the inlaws.
Never use to be. More recently there were some events that made to old inlaws super tense, even lashed out a bit at me as they needed to vent (this I had no issue, figured it might help them process, thus cope better. I found out some weeks later I was wrong. They liked their new habbit.
I don't do well with unfounded disrespect, especially not in my own home. They did not appreciate the result of that.
I apologised afterwards for my language and how some sentences were worded. I clearly made it known that my opinion remains unchanged.
They then wanted to argue again. Me being me i did not let them have that...


Fortunately they have looked after their finances. Should last max 20 years.
Or if they end up having to have to live with us I then want to buy a small holding. Get builders to build a cottage in the furthest corner away from the main house

 

[cguy]

I was already responsible for some of my family in my 20’s (older widow, single mother, etc), and could already see that this wasn’t going to get any better (older family members hadn’t saved enough, hadn’t planned to live as long a they did, didn’t understand their finances very well, etc.).

One person’s goal was to be able to “live off the interest” of their savings, and focused only on saving enough to reach this milestone, without accounting for the fact that if they took all the interest, the constant capital remainder would continue to have less and less value, eventually requiring drawing from the capital and would quickly be gone.

The expectation of this was one of be reasons I decided to leave the country - dollars would go a lot further in SA.

Over time, I now support quite a few family and extended (1st cousins, cousins-in-law, etc.) family. Between the exchange rate and a fair amount of success, it’s barely a blip for me, and all my elderly family/family-in-law now simply don’t have to worry about money at all.

I have no issue with doing this, and consider it as one of my own personal rewards. I do appreciate that some people can and have taken advantage of this - the vast majority of those I help out are very responsible, but those who aren’t get less and have structured trust payments in our wills.

 

[Bighit]

Amazing to see how many of us share something in common. I was in the same boat as being financially responsible for my parent until he passed away a few years ago but shared very similar feelings buy also wondering why the hell he couldn't plan for his retirement and and and.

There is nothing you can do about it and once, my dad did try and interfere in how my wife and I run our household but that quickly came to an end when I started showing him all the nice state old age homes in the not so pleasant areas of Cape Town

It also begs the question, what the hell is happening to the taxes we pay every month.

 

[Johnatan56]

Well, my family over generations has gotten smaller and smaller. This basically means my mom's side is set and she'd basically get more than she earned her entire life, just due to how Austria pays out monthly a fixed amount, and social service etc. Is already taken out, so grandfather is at about 30 years of a very good retirement income, without taking income during his life into account, very good investments.

All grandparents in Austria are/were fine and earned above the min pension payout based on work, my dad's side the children donated money regularly, that was more to pay for holidays/trips and extra stuff, none were ever in danger of losing home or having to go down in lifestyle, mostly because all family has been very frugal.

That frugality for e.g. My dad was way too extreme imho, and he's probably saved 60% of his lifetime income in pension for him and my mom, and he earned quite a bit and never upped his lifestyle past early 30s/second job. He should have spent more if I'm honest, you need to balance saving and life quality.

So that side, don't expect to ever have to support them, and if I have to I'll probably refuse as I can't see anything besides a complete economic crash where I have nothing, or they end up in drugs or something. I do still give them other ways of support, and will probably do things like booking flights so they can come visit once I've properly built up my savings again.

That said, I'll probably end up supporting my siblings, neither of them will ever end up in a higher paying job, and I'll convince at least one of them to follow me I hope, not sure about the other, but I'm very worried about the one as I know they're already a bit jealous of my current salary since they got furloughed and then half salary with covid, meanwhile I started at triple their salary and am now nearing 15x their cut salary after promotions, while they'll maybe get to my starting in 20/30 years since the industry is garbage. And Cape Town is not cheap.

 

[BlackMamba]

Took care of my parents, its was obligation since my 10 sisters said otts duty as a last born, they watched me struggle and wouldn't help but only cause problems , my folks passed away few years back

 

[MR.C]

Mum and MIL.

 

[Bighit]

Took care of my parents, its was obligation since my 10 sisters said otts duty as a last born, they watched me struggle and wouldn't help but only cause problems , my folks passed away few years back

Wow, this is rough. Is this really a thing though that the last born is responsible in your traditions?

 

[syntax]

Covid has made a mess.
My dad was just about to sell his factory which was going to be his retirement money. Covid hit and pretty much decimated those chances. So am doing my best to help him get by now.
My partners mom has zero income as we were running a niche gym which has become a black hole of money since Covid.

Not looking positive at all anywhere

 

[My_King]

My parents live with me. Both not working anymore.

They contribute what they can like food and electricity.

Luckily we get on just fine.