Who takes care of your baby while you work?

[S.Claus]

Cuts the monthly income in half and I promise you now she won’t be returning to work once the kid is going to school (before you know it she’s following some weird guru that tells her you should only eat salads and meditate)
You going to have a wife that gets a foothold for child support and proof that you are/were willing to pay her a monthly salary if things turn sour.

Ok, that was pessimistic….I think it’s better to have a daycare where the kid can socialize and it also leaves a backup income.

 

[marbro]

we send our kids to daycare.

everyone i know does the same....

 

[RedViking]

Can fully agree. Sounds like what I call pocket money you call salary. From what OP is saying though it sounds like the wife wants a lot of money as her pocket money/salary and he will be left with almost nothing for himself. Hence me advising to look it as a family budget rather with both getting pocket money that is fair.

Well that is the thing. In my mind, pocket money is R5000, while giving her a salary is R20 000. The scale will change of course depending on how much or how little your household income is. I have no problem giving my wife R20 000 if that is what she used to get, AND I CAN AFFORD IT. But in a healthy relationship you work these things out.

 

[Willie Trombone]

Seriously? How the F do y'all do it? In this era where both parents have to work, who takes care of your baby?

Wife wants to quit her job and have me pay her a salary every month equal to her current work salary, I did the math, and while I technically can, it would leave me with barely anything left at the end after all my expenses are accounted for.

I need some advice here. Do I get a professional? Can I really trust a stranger with my baby? In my house, while me and wife are out at work the whole day?

Scratching my head over this one. Wondering if an au pair/caretaker's slightly cheaper price(i mean im assuming its cheaper) than my wife's salary I'd be paying her and then I have peace of mind.

If anyone has any input/knows of any solutions - I'm all ears.

Welcome to the real world.
I have supported my wife financially from the first year. I didn't pay her a salary, I just gave her the bank cards and she has full access to our bank account. There's no my money/her money.
She has supported our family in other ways since then too. Having mom home is fantastic for me and the kids. I wouldn't do it differently. Neither of us have pocket money. I've long learned that you either have kids or money, seldom both. We do occasionally spend on ourselves, but with kids that spending was drastically cut. Our youngest kids are nearly done with varsity so we're nearly at the point of having pocket money though our means have increased dramatically over the years. All the best with working it out!

 

[CyraxHB]

Both my kids went to creche after my wife's maternity leave was finished.

My son is 4 years old and started when he was 4 months. My daughter is 1 and started at 6 months. The creche has a proper baby center where they get all the required stimulation and they have cameras so you can monitor them.

imo not an option for a family to rely on one salary in an uncertain economy.

 

[Illegal Allien]

The salary part I really don't understand. why not cover all expenses yourself as "breadwinner" and then probably give an allowance to cover those silly personal expenditures?

 

[Jean Claude Vaaldamme]

NO, No and No. You don't get au pairs or nannies or take your baby to some tannie's daycare. or even worse, grandma.
You take your kids to the best proper Nursery school in your area. They will have full programs to teach and develop kids from every age. Your kid will also learn to socialize with other kids. You don't cheap out on kids future when they young, you only have the first 7 years to do it right.
Even most stay at home moms dont have the skill or knowledge to develop their own kids, giving love and attention is not developing the brain.
Most bigger cities will have many great nursery schools. Do not cheap out on some dodgy place, go for the best.

 

[Paul Kemp]

My wife has a very flexible work environment. She was back working after a couple of weeks but could take as much time for kid stuff as required. Between that and my in-laws who are retired we managed until they needed to go to a crèche and socialise.
Thinking back now, that initial intensive period was actually such a short period of time.

 

[Willie Trombone]

NO, No and No. You don't get au pairs or nannies or take your baby to some tannie's daycare. or even worse, grandma.
You take your kids to the best proper Nursery school in your area. They will have full programs to teach and develop kids from every age. Your kid will also learn to socialize with other kids. You don't cheap out on kids future when they young, you only have the first 7 years to do it right.
Even most stay at home moms dont have the skill or knowledge to develop their own kids, giving love and attention is not developing the brain.
Most bigger cities will have many great nursery schools. Do not cheap out on some dodgy place, go for the best.

The best proper nursery school? How do you vet them? And what if their core values are not your own? Many nursery schools are run by tannies and nannys.

 

[Neuk_]

We have a full time nanny who looks after our son during the day while my fiancé is at work and while I either go to the office or WFH.

 

[Jean Claude Vaaldamme]

The best proper nursery school? How do you vet them? And what if their core values are not your own? Many nursery schools are run by tannies and nannys.

A proper nursery school will have hundreds of concerned parents looking into every little thing they do with their precious little ones over the years. So if you stay in a area long enough and speak to mature educated parents from the same area, you would know what the good nursery schools are.

edit, And a nursery school or any school, is not there to teach your kid values. The school is there to to develop your kid's brain. Not to teach him religion, manners, values etc, that's your job.

 

[koffiejunkie]

Wife wants to quit her job and have me pay her a salary every month equal to her current work salary,

Frankly, I wouldn't marry, let alone breed with someone who thinks this is a reasonable demand. And yes, it's an idea pushed by the same people who yap on about how terribly oppressed women in America and England are.

Let's consider the implications here: She wants her full salary. Does this imply you will do absolutely nothing relating to the child? No? Do you dock her pay if you have to hold the baby while she takes a bath? Do you have any other duties arou nd the house? Wash the dishes? Mow the lawn? Something else? Does she pay you for this?

 

[AstroTurf]

Seriously? How the F do y'all do it? In this era where both parents have to work, who takes care of your baby?

Wife wants to quit her job and have me pay her a salary every month equal to her current work salary, I did the math, and while I technically can, it would leave me with barely anything left at the end after all my expenses are accounted for.

I need some advice here. Do I get a professional? Can I really trust a stranger with my baby? In my house, while me and wife are out at work the whole day?

Scratching my head over this one. Wondering if an au pair/caretaker's slightly cheaper price(i mean im assuming its cheaper) than my wife's salary I'd be paying her and then I have peace of mind.

If anyone has any input/knows of any solutions - I'm all ears.

Both kids up to 9 months were at granny every day, after that creche.

Also tell your wife fine but if you are taking a pay cut to pay her she is also taking a pay cut.

 

[TheMightyQuinn]

Point is the baby was probably not planned or discussed prior to him knocking her up. At least that how it seems from his previous threads. Admirable that he did right by her even after the fact.

No...the point is the topic of the OP.

 

[rietrot]

The best proper nursery school? How do you vet them? And what if their core values are not your own? Many nursery schools are run by tannies and nannys.

They'll have a education program syllables suitable to toddlers and actually do stuff.

Not just watch or abuse the kids.

For babies it's not really a problem.

 

[maumau]

Both my kids went to creche after my wife's maternity leave was finished.

My son is 4 years old and started when he was 4 months. My daughter is 1 and started at 6 months. The creche has a proper baby center where they get all the required stimulation and they have cameras so you can monitor them.

imo not an option for a family to rely on one salary in an uncertain economy.

Cameras FTW.

 

[Tman543]

Interesting demand. I would tell her to reconsider and put baby in a quality creche, both parents can contribute towards. The father paying a salary for her being a mother, just sounds awful.

 

[I.am.Sam]

put your kid in creche or a montesorrie its much better than a nanny

but only issue is finding one that does full day

 

[I.am.Sam]

NO, No and No. You don't get au pairs or nannies or take your baby to some tannie's daycare. or even worse, grandma.
You take your kids to the best proper Nursery school in your area. They will have full programs to teach and develop kids from every age. Your kid will also learn to socialize with other kids. You don't cheap out on kids future when they young, you only have the first 7 years to do it right.
Even most stay at home moms dont have the skill or knowledge to develop their own kids, giving love and attention is not developing the brain.
Most bigger cities will have many great nursery schools. Do not cheap out on some dodgy place, go for the best.

20 years ago there were many stay home mums who have done the same as creches and worked out perfectly fine

 

[I.am.Sam]

these days most parents work so kids have to get a nanny or go to creche