Who takes care of your baby while you work?

[Tomtomtom]

Wow that's cheeky. Maybe she's just not serious. If she was she could come up with a more reasonable suggestion.

Bottom line is why the heck would you pay anyone more than the going rate for child-minding? In SA with our labour surplus a nanny is CHEAP.

OP should suggest to his wife if she wants to deal like that she's welcome to send him her CV and apply for the nanny position and he can offer the market rate.

 

[Tomtomtom]

So giving her a salary keeps her somewhat independent and just makes sense to me. It goes against the traditional mindset though.

It does the opposite though. It keeps her dependent. Also, it is the traditional mindset -- it's the de-facto system still used in large swathes of the country.

It's weirdly common in SA perhaps because we completely missed the woman's rights movements of the 60s and 70s. We were busy with other things.

It wasn't until the 90s that we got rid of maritale mag in which a woman could not do anything without her husband's permission. Threads like this make me wonder how much hankering there still is for it from all sides.

 

[Jet-Fighter7700]

In SA with our labour surplus a nanny is CHEAP.

for now,
problem is then comes the CCMA and pension and registration and all the rest of it for a "domestic worker"
although I suppose many do it "illegally" and take their chances.

 

[3WA]

Hire the baby to look after the wife.

 

[Wut]

Wait, so you guys don't just hand your salaries over to your wives every month?

 

[Keegan89]

Both wife and I work.
Have a child minder. She is amazing. Came with referrals from trusted individuals. I know this is not always possible.
Wife is a teacher, when lil dude is old enough/potty trained, straight to the pre-school.
The burden of paying the full salary for someone is also a tough ask.
Goodluck with what ever decision you go for...

 

[Barbarian Conan]

If it is financially possible, I honestly don't see the problem with this. She will still be working pretty hard and give up something she might have enjoyed. If it is done out of spite or manipulation, yes, that is just wrong.

It depends on a lot of things, but I think both parents should share the financial knock if both want her to take care of the kid full time. He will get less, and she will get less.
Unless she doesn't want to do it, and he wants her to do it.

 

[Rocket-Boy]

Seriously? How the F do y'all do it? In this era where both parents have to work, who takes care of your baby?

Wife wants to quit her job and have me pay her a salary every month equal to her current work salary, I did the math, and while I technically can, it would leave me with barely anything left at the end after all my expenses are accounted for.

I need some advice here. Do I get a professional? Can I really trust a stranger with my baby? In my house, while me and wife are out at work the whole day?

Scratching my head over this one. Wondering if an au pair/caretaker's slightly cheaper price(i mean im assuming its cheaper) than my wife's salary I'd be paying her and then I have peace of mind.

If anyone has any input/knows of any solutions - I'm all ears.

It sounds like you have a really weird financial setup as it is.
Im not sure why the amount needs to be her current salary? Just pool all money and expenses, pay stuff, put savings aside and allocate spending money for each of you.

From the outside it sounds like you each keep your salaries, split expenses and then keep what is left over at the end.
That makes absolutely no sense unless you are both earning the exact same amount, one is always going to have quite a lot more expendable money than the other and that will just build resentment over time.

 

[Smokey888]

we have granny looking after our 15month old.

its such a blessing actually.

 

[TheMightyQuinn]

we have granny looking after our 15month old.

its such a blessing actually.

Poor Granny...I see this so often. People in their twi-light years forced to raise children again. These people have done their bit and should be given time to rest now, not change nappies and listen to crying.

Luckily my kids know that we will not be doing that at all...

 

[Smokey888]

Poor Granny...I see this so often. People in their twi-light years forced to raise children again. These people have done their bit and should be given time to rest now, not change nappies and listen to crying.

Luckily my kids know that we will not be doing that at all...

I hear you. but she actually wants to look after the little one while my wife is at work, and I work from home. No one is forcing her. It keeps her young and motivated. Gives her something to live for. She is not doing this for free either, we pay her monthly same as what a creche would charge.

 

[Tomtomtom]

I hear you. but she actually wants to look after the little one while my wife is at work, and I work from home. No one is forcing her. It keeps her young and motivated. Gives her something to live for. She is not doing this for free either, we pay her monthly same as what a creche would charge.

Nice gesture to cover costs although I'd be a bit worried about the dynamic personally. Reminds me of this story: https://freakonomics.com/2013/10/23/what-makes-people-do-what-they-do/

Grandparents who are keen to look after kids are a godsend though regardless of money. They care in a way a stranger can't, and they can actually be more energetic and less frustrated/angry/sleep-deprived than a parent if they're not being asked to do too much.

 

[InternetSwag]

NO, No and No. You don't get au pairs or nannies or take your baby to some tannie's daycare. or even worse, grandma.
You take your kids to the best proper Nursery school in your area. They will have full programs to teach and develop kids from every age. Your kid will also learn to socialize with other kids. You don't cheap out on kids future when they young, you only have the first 7 years to do it right.
Even most stay at home moms dont have the skill or knowledge to develop their own kids, giving love and attention is not developing the brain.
Most bigger cities will have many great nursery schools. Do not cheap out on some dodgy place, go for the best.

How do I find the best one?
I did some Googling and couldn't find anything substantial

 

[InternetSwag]

Both wife and I work.
Have a child minder. She is amazing. Came with referrals from trusted individuals. I know this is not always possible.
Wife is a teacher, when lil dude is old enough/potty trained, straight to the pre-school.
The burden of paying the full salary for someone is also a tough ask.
Goodluck with what ever decision you go for...

So I should look for a child minder?

I'm honestly learning these things as I go now

 

[Lupus]

I became to sole bread winner 7 years ago, my son is 9 now, it can be done but you need to make a few sacrifices and or find a better job.

 

[Brawler]

My partner lost her job towards the end of last year. It was hellish anyway with us both working from home during lockdowns with a toddler. She is a pre-school teacher and pre-schools are struggling as people are keeping their kids at home. Her school tried zoom teaching but it didn't work with the little ones.

At the moment we are still paying the school but not sending my daughter as she kept on coming home super sick and infecting the rest of us. Two hospitalizations this year so far and I had hand foot and mouth disease in April and my f0k that was terrible. With covid round 3, the sickness at school, and one salary, we have decided to pull my daughter out of school for now. Things are a bit tighter financially and we need to put new house dreams on hold but I think it will be worth it stress-wise.

 

[nazmo]

we had twins (8 months now, so no, not covid babies), we both work, currently Im self employed wife can work from home permanently as her company saw it works out great, she can go into office that has floating desks should she want to. However, as there are two, we actually have one live in nanny and our regular cleaner who is incredible with kids, come in to help.

Its a massive expense, but we can both work full days and have full access to our babies, which is such a blessing.

That being said, the expense we have now is preparing us nicely for when they goto daycare/creche'/school as the costs are similar. I have WAY LESS disposable income, as we also bought a new house (without selling previous one), but couldnt be happier.

Bottom line, this wouldnt be possible if we both werent working. Also its cheaper to pay for help than for one of us to stop working.

 

[rh1]

My wife has access to all my accounts. She does not spend money on kak, because it our money. When she was retrench in 2017, it forced me to get a better paying job.

I dont think I would have made the required stepping out of my confort zone. The pressure of being the only bread winner forced me to grow.

In fact as a family, it has been really good, my wife took to being housewife very easily. More time for our daughter, more home cooked meals. Sits with my daughter as she requires a bit more help (also two months premature), which aftercare, specialists did not seem to help except cost me money, my wifes sit daily with her and it is showing in her grades.

 

[blunt]

Both myself and my wife work and my son (15mo) goes to a curro castle. Great school and he's happy.

 

[RedViking]

So I should look for a child minder?

I'm honestly learning these things as I go now

If you do get someone to look after the child at your home. Make sure, no matter how experienced they are, you put up cameras.