Who takes care of your baby while you work?

[blunt]

My partner lost her job towards the end of last year. It was hellish anyway with us both working from home during lockdowns with a toddler. She is a pre-school teacher and pre-schools are struggling as people are keeping their kids at home. Her school tried zoom teaching but it didn't work with the little ones.

At the moment we are still paying the school but not sending my daughter as she kept on coming home super sick and infecting the rest of us. Two hospitalizations this year so far and I had hand foot and mouth disease in April and my f0k that was terrible. With covid round 3, the sickness at school, and one salary, we have decided to pull my daughter out of school for now. Things are a bit tighter financially and we need to put new house dreams on hold but I think it will be worth it stress-wise.

My son brought hand foot and mouth home earlier this year, hardly anything on him but f$ck me did it hit us hard, could barely walk and my throat was so sore I could barely swallow. Afterwards quite a few of my finger and toenails fell off and basically the entire layer of skin under my feet came off.

He had a patch of back to back sickness when he was around 9 months to 12 months, but it has gotten better now, each time making us sick too.

Sucks, but that's how they build their immune system I suppose.

 

[Nick333]

Seriously? How the F do y'all do it? In this era where both parents have to work, who takes care of your baby?

Wife wants to quit her job and have me pay her a salary every month equal to her current work salary, I did the math, and while I technically can, it would leave me with barely anything left at the end after all my expenses are accounted for.

I need some advice here. Do I get a professional? Can I really trust a stranger with my baby? In my house, while me and wife are out at work the whole day?

Scratching my head over this one. Wondering if an au pair/caretaker's slightly cheaper price(i mean im assuming its cheaper) than my wife's salary I'd be paying her and then I have peace of mind.

If anyone has any input/knows of any solutions - I'm all ears.

Lol! Your wife wants you to pay her her full salary to take care of her own kid? What a cockwomble.

 

[Lucas Buck]

The conversation most likely went like this.

InternetSwag: I don't like other people looking after our son.
Wife: If you want me to stay home and look after our son, then you pay my salary. Equivalent to what I'm earning now.
InternetSwag: *does the math*
Wife: Checkmate

 

[Brawler]

My son brought hand foot and mouth home earlier this year, hardly anything on him but f$ck me did it hit us hard, could barely walk and my throat was so sore I could barely swallow. Afterwards quite a few of my finger and toenails fell off and basically the entire layer of skin under my feet came off.

He had a patch of back to back sickness when he was around 9 months to 12 months, but it has gotten better now, each time making us sick too.

Sucks, but that's how they build their immune system I suppose.

HFMD is kak! And they say it doesn't often hit adults. I know quite a few adults who got beaten by it.
My hands and feet were not bad, maybe 15 spots combined which peeled off nicely. No layers of skin peeling off. My mouth was an absolute wreck though. I would say 20+ ulcers on the tongue, cheek, and gums. Any movement felt like I was pulling stitches out. Basically could not eat/drink for a week and was permanently applying numbing cream.

My daughter had it super mild. Maybe a handful of spots on hands and feet, mouth was fine.

Be warned though you can get it again and soon after. Two months later my daughter brought it home again from school and this time it put her in hospital. High fevers leading to febrile seizures.

I was aware that children get sick often but not this kak... and they also pass it on to the rest of the family.

 

[blunt]

HFMD is kak! And they say it doesn't often hit adults. I know quite a few adults who got beaten by it.
My hands and feet were not bad, maybe 15 spots combined which peeled off nicely. No layers of skin peeling off. My mouth was an absolute wreck though. I would say 20+ ulcers on the tongue, cheek, and gums. Any movement felt like I was pulling stitches out. Basically could not eat/drink for a week and was permanently applying numbing cream.

My daughter had it super mild. Maybe a handful of spots on hands and feet, mouth was fine.

Be warned though you can get it again and soon after. Two months later my daughter brought it home again from school and this time it put her in hospital. High fevers leading to febrile seizures.

I was aware that children get sick often but not this kak... and they also pass it on to the rest of the family.

Eish that's quite scary, the seizure thing

 

[Smokey888]

Nice gesture to cover costs although I'd be a bit worried about the dynamic personally. Reminds me of this story: https://freakonomics.com/2013/10/23/what-makes-people-do-what-they-do/

Grandparents who are keen to look after kids are a godsend though regardless of money. They care in a way a stranger can't, and they can actually be more energetic and less frustrated/angry/sleep-deprived than a parent if they're not being asked to do too much.

She did not ask for money, nor expected it. In fact, she was surprised when we paid her after month one and asked why we paid her. She wanted to do it for the love of her grandchildren. It's just fair that we compensate her.

 

[Tomtomtom]

She wanted to do it for the love of her grandchildren. It's just fair that we compensate her.

Fair enough. Still wonder how it plays out longer-term though. On the other hand grandparents doing it for "free" is maybe just creating its own more subtle obligations down the line.

 

[Tomtomtom]

My son brought hand foot and mouth home earlier this year, hardly anything on him but f$ck me did it hit us hard, could barely walk and my throat was so sore I could barely swallow. Afterwards quite a few of my finger and toenails fell off and basically the entire layer of skin under my feet came off.

He had a patch of back to back sickness when he was around 9 months to 12 months, but it has gotten better now, each time making us sick too.

Sucks, but that's how they build their immune system I suppose.

Making a mental note to add "continuous illness" and "medical bills you would not otherwise have" to the Cons column.

 

[blunt]

Making a mental note to add "continuous illness" and "medical bills you would not otherwise have" to the Cons column.

definitely not for the faint-hearted..

 

[Venomous]

Wtf?!?
Pay her a salary?

But seriously.... We can only assume that you'd take care of all expenses even if you don't pay her a salary.

Chances are she earns more than a child care provider (whichever version you select).

Rather interview a few people. Have cameras in home and stop by to check in sometimes.

While there are bad ones out there, most are generally good to great with little ones. Which is why you should interview a few.

That way your wife keeps her salary, and you get to keep more liquid capital to work with in a month.

You did not want money trouble, it generally does not end well for many

 

[InternetSwag]

Hi guys, worked something out.

Wifey will work part time, so I only have to pay her 12k, which is a lot easier.

The other allotment managed to find someone I trust.

 

[Messugga]

Hi guys, worked something out.

Wifey will work part time, so I only have to pay her 12k, which is a lot easier.

The other allotment managed to find someone I trust.

Oh man... I love this "having" to pay her thing. So odd.

 

[Smugs]

Make her sign a contract....

 

[Affieplaas]

Glad you managed to find a compromise.

When my son (now 13) was born both my wife and I worked full days with very little flexibility. I worked 40km from where we lived and my wife worked in a hospital with no chance of "popping out quickly to sort things out". We managed to find a housekeeper/nanny that still works for us 13 years later. She took care of my son for the first 4 years while we worked and we then sent him to pre-school when he turned 5.

If both parents work from an office with little flexibility it makes things super complicated, like who drops the kids off at school and who picks them up at 14h00 when the school is out. We had no parents close by who could help and just sorting these arrangements out required active daily management and planning. Getting him too and from extra mural activities is still a complex process. Fortunately I am still working from home and I do have the flexibility at the moment but once Covid is over, I can foresee tough times ahead when I have to return to the office.

My wife threatened many times to stop working but I refused to budge. Providing for children in a proper way is super expensive. School fees can be anywhere between R3000 and R10000 per month per child. My son is in a public high school and I pay R3300 per month.

I honestly don't know how people with 3 children with a single income make it, unless the dad earns north of R5mil per year.

We decided that one kid is enough. We love him dearly.

I am a CA by profession, so we live by a strict budget. Even if my wife (pharmacist) decided to stop work, I will never pay her a salary. I have set up a single credit card account with two credit cards linked to the account. Once a month (after we get our salaries), I will transfer the funds we need for the month (based on our budget) into this account. We then both use this one account and managing what has been spent and what is still left is easy.

 

[RedViking]

Glad you managed to find a compromise.

When my son (now 13) was born both my wife and I worked full days with very little flexibility. I worked 40km from where we lived and my wife worked in a hospital with no chance of "popping out quickly to sort things out". We managed to find a housekeeper/nanny that still works for us 13 years later. She took care of my son for the first 4 years while we worked and we then sent him to pre-school when he turned 5.

If both parents work from an office with little flexibility it makes things super complicated, like who drops the kids off at school and who picks them up at 14h00 when the school is out. We had no parents close by who could help and just sorting these arrangements out required active daily management and planning. Getting him too and from extra mural activities is still a complex process. Fortunately I am still working from home and I do have the flexibility at the moment but once Covid is over, I can foresee tough times ahead when I have to return to the office.

My wife threatened many times to stop working but I refused to budge. Providing for children in a proper way is super expensive. School fees can be anywhere between R3000 and R10000 per month per child. My son is in a public high school and I pay R3300 per month.

I honestly don't know how people with 3 children with a single income make it, unless the dad earns north of R5mil per year.

We decided that one kid is enough. We love him dearly.

I am a CA by profession, so we live by a strict budget. Even if my wife (pharmacist) decided to stop work, I will never pay her a salary. I have set up a single credit card account with two credit cards linked to the account. Once a month (after we get our salaries), I will transfer the funds we need for the month (based on our budget) into this account. We then both use this one account and managing what has been spent and what is still left is easy.

Are you guys allowed to have some fun or spending money? Does she need permission first if she want to spend some of her money not budgeted for?

 

[bwana]

Hi guys, worked something out.

Wifey will work part time, so I only have to pay her 12k, which is a lot easier.

The other allotment managed to find someone I trust.

Good grief, paying a mother to do her job. Is she paying you for your fatherly responsibilities as well?

How much is she contributing to the usual household expenses?

You might consider getting a vasectomy.

 

[Affieplaas]

Are you guys allowed to have some fun or spending money? Does she need permission first if she want to spend some of her money not budgeted for?

What is your definition of fun?
Spending money is budgeted for.

 

[Smugs]

Good grief, paying a mother to do her job. Is she paying you for your fatherly responsibilities as well?

How much is she contributing to the usual household expenses?

You might consider getting a vasectomy. Divorce.

FTFY..

 

[Pho3nix]

FTFY..

He has basically screwed himself there with child support and spousal support now.

Press F

 

[Polymathic]

Seriously? How the F do y'all do it? In this era where both parents have to work, who takes care of your baby?

Wife wants to quit her job and have me pay her a salary every month equal to her current work salary, I did the math, and while I technically can, it would leave me with barely anything left at the end after all my expenses are accounted for.

I need some advice here. Do I get a professional? Can I really trust a stranger with my baby? In my house, while me and wife are out at work the whole day?

Scratching my head over this one. Wondering if an au pair/caretaker's slightly cheaper price(i mean im assuming its cheaper) than my wife's salary I'd be paying her and then I have peace of mind.

If anyone has any input/knows of any solutions - I'm all ears.

If she going to be a stay at home mother then the money and all expenses are going to run out of a single account and a budget needs to be drawn on both your expenses, including spending money for both of you.

This paying her a salary nonsense will only end up biting you in the arse because at the end of the month she's going to demand her "salary" hell or high water and you are the one who's going to end up cutting back if funds get tight.