Why do people generalise gay men as Effeminate?

[chefdude98]

It's nurture. Most effeminate boys are probably told that they are gay from a young age so they end up choosing to be gay.

Nobody chooses to be gay.

I don't know if I would, if it was a choice..

 

[copacetic]

Gay male speech [Wikipedia]

There seems to be something to what I think most of us would consider the 'gay way of speaking' - As per the Wiki page, this is confined to NA, and, iirc, it probably has roots in a way for gay men to identify one another in days gone by where it was, in fact, dangerous to do so (not that gay men and women are now safe due to their orientation, but things are better these days, obviously, in most developed countries).

In my own experience, it's as other people have pointed out - You tend to notice the flamboyant queens and hardcore lesbians, but the reality is that the majority of people behave as they do, for an enormous variety of reasons, and I don't think sexual orientation is a big factor here, in terms of general outward presentation.

In other words - they are AMONG US. Hide the children!

Also, for what it's worth, I have quite a few 'womanly' womanly traits (or so I'm told), and that's fine - If we need to create generalizations of gender roles (whether this is necessary is an entirely different discussion), etc, each person is going to be different, and there are going to be overlaps, no matter your orientation or gender. It must be very exhausting trying to fit yourself into a neat box that society has made for you, as I think many people are forced to do.

We're complex animals, and should all have the freedom to do who we want, when we want and how we want, and present ourselves in any manner we see fit. Provided, of course, this is all between consenting adults.

 

[chefdude98]

I just came across an incident here at work about 20 min ago.

This morning in the xxxxxx area three ladies were discussing school. One started ranting about kids being taught that it is ok to be lesbian/gay. She said that this messes with the kids moral compass. The hatred in her voice was really unsettling. I was appalled and left immediately . Although I am not naïve to think that people don’t think like this, I feel that they should keep their hatred to themselves.

And the above is what I reported to senior management, in writing. If people want to share their racist and sexist views at work, I report them.

People are ****ing stupid.

They act as if a child being gay is the worst thing in the world & their world will crumble.

Would they prefer that children not know that we exist and we are erased from society?

 

[epah]

Nobody chooses to be gay.

I don't know if I would, if it was a choice..

I don’t know if I would choose to be gay if I could too. I would love to have a wife and kiddies one day

But then again I also couldn’t imagine myself without a nice “curved stick” in my life. Oh those hands free ejaculations are the best. But that’s a story for another day.

 

[rietrot]

Nobody chooses to be gay.

I don't know if I would, if it was a choice..

People definitely do choose. You can have sex with a piece of rubber or you own hand if you like.

You get 40 year old men with a wife and kids that now all of a sudden don't like women any more. It's definitely a choice with some nurture.

 

[satanboy]

People definitely do choose. You can have sex with a piece of rubber or you own hand if you like.

You get 40 year old men with a wife and kids that now all of a sudden don't like women any more. It's definitely a choice with some nurture.

A choice to hide it for fear of victimization. Totally a different situation.

 

[chefdude98]

People definitely do choose. You can have sex with a piece of rubber or you own hand if you like.

You get 40 year old men with a wife and kids that now all of a sudden don't like women any more. It's definitely a choice with some nurture.

Dude seriously?

I have met some of these men that come out later in life.

Alot of "coming out" has to do with self acceptance. There isn't a time limit on self acceptance. It can take months or even decades.

Some men are denial, some men are fearful of "how those close to them will react", some men are fearful their identity & life will change.

Coming out is never easy & people deal with it in different ways.

I do however feel bad for the women that lose their youth to a guy that is still dealing with his sexuality.

 

[bwana]

Thanks. I chose the wrong word. Feminine is what I meant.

Then change your thread title. Effeminate is probably what you want.

 

[rietrot]

Dude seriously?

I have met some of these men that come out later in life.

Alot of "coming out" has to do with self acceptance. There isn't a time limit on self acceptance. It can take months or even decades.

Some men are denial, some men are fearful of "how those close to them will react", some men are fearful their identity & life will change.

Coming out is never easy & people deal with it in different ways.

I do however feel bad for the women that lose their youth to a guy that is still dealing with his sexuality.

Lol. You do realise how stupid the born that way argument is if you can just accept or reject "yourself" based on some whim or social pressure.

 

[|tera|]

Then change your thread title. Effeminate is probably what you want.

Thanks bwana. I didn't know I could

 

[copacetic]

I also suspect the vast majority of people are not on the extreme ends of the continuum, and in the modern world, people now have more freedom to explore their real selves, in less danger and judgement than a decade or 3 ago.

If you fall in the middle (i.e. bisexual, then of course a given person's sexual activities are just that - a choice). However, I find it hard to believe that people with firm orientations have much of a choice about it. If someone told me it was a 'choice' to like boobies when I first noticed them back in the day, I'd quite correctly think they were being an idiot.

 

[chefdude98]

This thread reminds me of a guy I really cared about..

He was so conflicted with accepting his sexuality, was fearful of how his "bros" will react & is suppressing the **** out of feeling anything for a man.

2 men being together still isn't widely accepted within society.

I think he will live his life being in a relationship with women, eventually break up & crave sex with men.

The 1 thing you can't hide is pure desire/attraction.

 

[|tera|]

I also suspect the vast majority of people are not on the extreme ends of the continuum, and in the modern world, people now have more freedom to explore their real selves, in less danger and judgement than a decade or 3 ago.

If you fall in the middle (i.e. bisexual, then of course a given person's sexual activities are just that - a choice). However, I find it hard to believe that people with firm orientations have much of a choice about it. If someone told me it was a 'choice' to like boobies when I first noticed them back in the day, I'd quite correctly think they were being an idiot.

I disagree that bisexual men could choose or have a choice in their sexuality.
Due to my past and what I've been through I have been in the middle of my sexuality for most of my life.
Yes, I have had denial about it and don't live the lifestyle, but as per gay men, I don't think I've got a choice about it.

 

[rietrot]

I disagree that bisexual men could choose or have a choice in their sexuality.
Due to my past and what I've been through I have been in the middle of my sexuality for most of my life.
Yes, I have had denial about it and don't live the lifestyle, but as per gay men, I don't think I've got a choice about it.

Why not?

 

[Willie Trombone]

People don't go around announcing that they're gay, so unless you know a ton of them or are close friends, you're only ever going to see those who put on a show.

 

[|tera|]

Why not?

Why not what? Choose to be gay or straight?
That's not a choice if you are bisexual.
You don't 'feel' gay one day and straight the next. It's a complete balance of whom you are atrracted to and if you act on it or not.

 

[satanboy]

Why not?

Straight man = can suck another man's dick, but doesn't want to
Gay man = can suck another man's dick and wants to

 

[Prawnapple]

It's nurture. Most effeminate boys are probably told that they are gay from a young age so they end up choosing to be gay.

Rofl.
Told that they are gay!? hahahah, where are you getting this from?

People definitely do choose. You can have sex with a piece of rubber or you own hand if you like.

You get 40 year old men with a wife and kids that now all of a sudden don't like women any more. It's definitely a choice with some nurture.

In your above post, you said:
Most effeminate boys are probably told that they are gay from a young age so they end up choosing to be gay.

Then you said:
It's definitely a choice with some nurture.

So which is it? If it's both, then nothing you say changes that fact.

If it's a choice, there's no nurture that comes into play, but there is certainly nurture involved to some degree.

 

[rietrot]

Straight man = can suck another man's dick, but doesn't want to
Gay man = can suck another man's dick and wants to

I don't think real life is that binary. There's no evidence for it.

 

[satanboy]

I don't think real life is that binary. There's no evidence for it.

So I left out the Bisexual.

You are either trolling us, or very naive.

or fearful of your own sexuality.