Why do people generalise gay men as Effeminate?

[copacetic]

I don't agree that bisexual people are heading to, or want a hedonistic lifestyle.

Didn't mean to imply that they are - Just sounds like fun to me, from a tongue in cheek lifestyle perspective, from a practical standpoint of there being more options for dalliances, is all. As I said previously, I'm not suggesting any of these things dictate a penchant for any specific behaviour.

Pleasure isn't the only goal of sex in any case.
Being intimate with someone goes beyond just screwing, even if it is pleasurable.

Of course. Sex is a deeply complex part of being human, for many reasons; from the mundane to the divine.

Why do bisexual have more control and choice due their sexuality than gay or heterosexual people? That doesn't make sense to me. That might be your opinion, but it's not true.

Well, it's obvious they have more choice, since there are more options available, surely? As for control - I don't see why there is a need for control, unless your desires are harmful to yourself and/or others, but that's a separate issue.

 

[kolaval]

What many gay/bi/other people feel (and state, repeatedly) is that to be (gay/bi/other) or not to be (gay/bi/other) is not a choice and the choice is only whether or not to accept it and live "out"

Sigh, these threads always devolve into the sex side of things.

Any case, is my preference for a certain music genre and dislike of other genres a nature or nurture?

 

[Prawnapple]

I don't know why you want to bring the Bible into this. You seem a bit emotional, relax and try again. What do you disagree with?

See below:

Everything you have said.

 

[kolaval]

Lol or religion.
Any case @|tera| good luck and I hope you find some peace.

 

[copacetic]

So I think this is the crux of the "choice" discussion and where much gets lost in translation. When certain people use the word "choice" they do so in order to make it seem as if being gay is a choice because it suits their narrative (ick/but Bible/some of my friends are gay, but). What many gay/bi/other people feel (and state, repeatedly) is that to be (gay/bi/other) or not to be (gay/bi/other) is not a choice and the choice is only whether or not to accept it and live "out" - with all the other choices that come with it

I know from your post that you agree with the sentiment, but it is important to make the distinction clearly from the start which aspect of choice you are discussing because it's a trigger point.

For sure. It's one of those things that seems so obvious to me, I sometimes forget what a contentious and misunderstood topic it can be for many.

Also, as I said before, I just don't understand why people care so much about the sexual lives of other people. I mean, I do, from a societal/psychological/cultural viewpoint, of course, but still, the level of emotion some people invest in this... it's almost as bad as politics and religion, and by far the least harmful of the axis of conversational evils.

 

[The Voice]

Most of the gay men I know are effeminate somehow. An old friend of mine introduced me to the wonders of threading. Thanks to him, I'm no longer a unibrow! He talks with his hands, makes his voice a higher pitch, etc.

And the ones who aren't, I knew straight away were gay - either there was just something campish about them, or my gaydar is insanely strong.

I think why the general world view appears to be that ALL gay men are like that, though, is thanks to Hollywood shoving it down our throats with shows like Queer Guy, etc, and every gay man in film appears to act like a stupid adolescent girl for some reason, too. They don't seem to understand that just because you like to shag men, doesn't mean you want to be or act like a woman. Then again, there are queens who perpetuate the stereotype.

 

[copacetic]

Also, what's more manly than ****ing a dude, if you think about it?

 

[The Voice]

Also, what's more manly than ****ing a dude, if you think about it?

Was a big part of Spartan life. I'd dare anyway to say they weren't manly as ****.

 

[grok]

Maybe it's because gays have a man-Malematjie?

Well actually all guys have one, just with straights it's like the g-spot for women, they just haven't discovered their's yet..

 

[|tera|]

Didn't mean to imply that they are - Just sounds like fun to me, from a tongue in cheek lifestyle perspective, from a practical standpoint of there being more options for dalliances, is all. As I said previously, I'm not suggesting any of these things dictate a penchant for any specific behaviour.



Of course. Sex is a deeply complex part of being human, for many reasons; from the mundane to the divine.



Well, it's obvious they have more choice, since there are more options available, surely? As for control - I don't see why there is a need for control, unless your desires are harmful to yourself and/or others, but that's a separate issue.

Thanks for clarifying

Lol or religion.
Any case @|tera| good luck and I hope you find some peace.

Thanks. I'm at peace though. Everyone faces the music sometimes. I just avoid the judgment of some people, so I don't talk about the personal stuff to people I know.

 

[|tera|]

I was explicitly simplifying it as far as possible in order to demonstrate that it is in fact not so cut and dry as "oh i did xyz and now I'm gay", as if there exists a set of rules written in stone. For your example simply replace "gay" with "bisexual" or whichever label is under discussion.
So sure, of course there is plenty of nuance and everyone has a different experience.

Please mind the double post. Quoting is giving me issues on my phone.
Thanks for clarifying as well

 

[|tera|]

Also, what's more manly than ****ing a dude, if you think about it?

Are you talking from an experienced point of view?

 

[copacetic]

Are you talking from an experienced point of view?

Nope, but if I ever found myself on a discrete orgy island oasis, why not? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Worst outcome is that it's not my cup of tea.

 

[|tera|]

Nope, but if I ever found myself on a discrete orgy island oasis, why not? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Worst outcome is that it's not my cup of tea.

Orgy island sounds like a weird fetish bro
Just saying. Haha

 

[kolaval]

I don't think the issue is f'ing, it's being f'd.

 

[SauRoNZA]

Going by what my gay friends have to say the term queen is their own and specifically refers to the more effeminate variety of gay male.

So I would imagine that’s where everyone else gets it from?

 

[SauRoNZA]

Nobody chooses to be gay.

I don't know if I would, if it was a choice..

Don’t you think that in a small minority of cases someone who is called something long enough would be more likely to experiment with that notion and eventually convert?

Note I’m not saying that all gay people chose to be gay. I’m more questioning the extreme statement that nobody chooses to be gay.

I would like to believe there are in fact people who choose to be for a variety of reasons, just like there are plenty who choose to be straight as it makes their lives easier or gets them where they need to be.

 

[SauRoNZA]

A choice to hide it for fear of victimization. Totally a different situation.

I don’t know hey.

There are obviously many examples of that and a strong case for it, but it certainly doesn’t happen across the board.

In fact it’s not a (free) choice at all in that context.

I know of more than one person who was happily straight (not hiding or fearing victimisation in other words) for a long time. Things ran their course and they flipped to the other side and did so happily.

Like anything I guess you can just get bored of it and want to try new things. And if you have any kind of honour system you would then stick it out and not flip flop back and forth.

 

[SauRoNZA]

I grew up with the "misapprehension" that there is always one dominant (more masculine) person in a homosexual relationship and one more submissive (feminine) type. I know now that's not always the case, but I dunno where the misapprehension came from...

Likely just from trying to reconcile it with the known norm of a binary family nucleus as you’ve always perceived it.

I do find that of the gay people I know most put themselves in the same boxes of wife and husband though, oddly the guys more so than the women.

 

[blah99]

I know of more than one person who was happily straight (not hiding or fearing victimisation in other words) for a long time. Things ran their course and they flipped to the other side and did so happily.

They were NEVER straight. Either 100% gay or 100% Bi sexual.