Why is it so challenging to find someone who is willing to commit to Christian dating?

[ScottulusMaximus]

But I'm not really willing to compromise.

There's your problem.

 

[pinball wizard]

But I'm not really willing to compromise.

Good for you. A commitment to faith requires that sort of discipline.

 

[TofuMofu]

Religious people are crazy...this is absolutely nuts.

 

[hellfire]

Well, what is marriage?

Where in (for the OP's benefit) the Bible does the way marriage is conducted as we know it mentioned, like the standard lines and so on and so forth. Marriage wasn't ever a contract in the Bible, was it?

I think the contracting was alluded to in the Bible (dowries and stuff).
For sure the concept and actual drawing up of marriage contracts goes back a few thousand years.

A marriage is a commitment between two people to remain together, essentially. If it's a religion-based marriage, there will be a few extra do's and do not's.
My question was more along the lines of the need to draw out the process.
Finding a partner is about compatibility. OP is excluding one of the biggest criteria - that being sexual compatibility. I assume that she is of the opinion that sexual compatibility is something that can be worked on and developed.
But, really, so can any other attribute provided there's an initial level of physical attraction and some sort of alignment of morals and values.
So why wait 6 months (or whatever the time period is). Go on a few dates. If you can see it working, get married. Then have sex.

 

[pinball wizard]

Go on a few dates. If you can see it working, get married. Then have sex.

Well, that's the thing, innit?

When dating everyone is looking for perfection. It's like playing blackjack. You're looking for 21, but when you get a 19, is that good enough? If you get a 16, do you stick or fold and deal again?

 

[The Darkness]

We have all heard that sex before marriage is a sin but too few people compared to the world's population get married virgins.

I am 25yrs old and not a virgin. For the past two years, I've been learning new things about my Christianity that I did not know or that I was not entirely really taught while growing up and I have made decisions based on those things.

One of those decisions is to not have sex again until I get married. Which is fairly easy as I don't really have that much experience with the other gender. I've only tried dating twice in these two years and both were turned-off by the fact that I want to avoid sex...until marriage most preferably. But even Christian guys seem to think I'm chasing pavements.

Is this really too much to ask for?

What you are doing is profound, and I celebrate your decision. The issue you are having is that people have lost touch with what marriage is about, and most importantly, why and how we should marry. Today it's all about 'things'. I can't explain it as well as the Rabbi in this clip below. I know it's not your religion, but Jesus was a jew. What this old Rabbi talks about is life-changing and deeply moving, and it changed my entire perspective on relationships.

 

[Herr der Verboten]

We have all heard that sex before marriage is a sin but too few people compared to the world's population get married virgins.

I am 25yrs old and not a virgin. For the past two years, I've been learning new things about my Christianity that I did not know or that I was not entirely really taught while growing up and I have made decisions based on those things.

One of those decisions is to not have sex again until I get married. Which is fairly easy as I don't really have that much experience with the other gender. I've only tried dating twice in these two years and both were turned-off by the fact that I want to avoid sex...until marriage most preferably. But even Christian guys seem to think I'm chasing pavements.

Is this really too much to ask for?

For a hoseholder (man) it is rather unhealthy not to cum for extended periods of time.

 

[Arthur]

We have all heard that sex before marriage is a sin but too few people compared to the world's population get married virgins.

I am 25yrs old and not a virgin. For the past two years, I've been learning new things about my Christianity that I did not know or that I was not entirely really taught while growing up and I have made decisions based on those things.

One of those decisions is to not have sex again until I get married. Which is fairly easy as I don't really have that much experience with the other gender. I've only tried dating twice in these two years and both were turned-off by the fact that I want to avoid sex...until marriage most preferably. But even Christian guys seem to think I'm chasing pavements.

Is this really too much to ask for?

Good on you. Sex outside of marriage is deeply damaging to the individuals involved and to society.
Getting our sexuality under rational control is one of the most difficult things we can attempt, and a lifelong battle.
Failure to do so is to fail to become a man.
Love is necessary, so work daily (and nightly) on deepening and purifying your love. There is no life without it. Nor any liberty.

 

[R13...]

Good on you. Sex outside of marriage is deeply damaging to the individuals involved and to society.
Getting our sexuality under rational control is one of the most difficult things we can attempt, and a lifelong battle.
Failure to do so is to fail to become a man.
Love is necessary, so work daily (and nightly) on deepening and purifying your love. There is no life without it.

I think the OP is a woman. Not sure it's easier for women or men in your scenario.

 

[Herr der Verboten]

Good on you. Sex outside of marriage is deeply damaging to the individuals involved and to society.
Getting our sexuality under rational control is one of the most difficult things we can attempt, and a lifelong battle.
Failure to do so is to fail to become a man.
Love is necessary, so work daily (and nightly) on deepening and purifying your love. There is no life without it.

Not excluding sleep and eating/substance; the classic three headed cerberus.

 

[RedViking]

I'm attractive with a great body (maybe 7/8 out of 10)

Post a picture please, so we can better advice.

 

[rietrot]

I don't think what you want would go with modern culturalpractices regarding weddings.

You'll have to get married pretty quickly and find a man willing to commit which might be hard especially since there's plenty of other less difficult women out there.

I would not drop this on someone on the first date.

Good luck.

 

[konfab]

I've often wondered why religions are so obsessed with what people should do, and choose to do, with their own genitals...

 

[I.am.Sam]

has Op posted pics as yet ?

 

[konfab]

I've often wondered why religions are so obsessed with what people should do, and choose to do, with their own genitals...

Maybe because when people are irresponsible with their genitals, they make an unwanted child. All religion is, is just a codification of a very easily observed phenomena.
Unwanted children = bad, therefore be careful that you don't make an unwanted child.

I have a very simple rule, which is simply based on biology. And that is you shouldn't be having sex with a person if you don't want to have and raise a child with them. That is the function of sex in human biology, and thus basing your behaviour around this is the thing that will make your life the easiest.

 

[Herr der Verboten]

I've often wondered why religions are so obsessed with what people should do, and choose to do, with their own genitals...

Mistakenly associated with everyone within that religion forgetting it has actually to do with ritual purity (e.g. the magus/(levi) priest).

 

[copacetic]

Eish OP.... You are better of hanging yourself than coming to Mybroadband for Christian advice.

It's actually interesting - From a quick look, the majority of mainstream Christians do not adhere to the notion of no sex before marriage, when it comes down to it. Is it reasonable to say that even in this particular pond, this is by today's standards, an 'extreme' view?

The same quick look shows that (as we might expect), the history of sex and Christianity is fascinating and complex - No point here, other than it's interesting to look at such fundamental human desires clashing with one another (the biological imperative VS the somewhat arbitrary rules of a given religious framework).

For whatever it is worth, my own experience as a human makes the idea of not having sex with someone you hope to spend the rest of your life with, a bit of a crazy concept - Relationships are complex, and there are so many decisions you need to make before committing to someone. Sexual compatibility is (obviously) extremely important (to anyone with a sex drive), and what happens if it turns out two partners do not mesh in this regard, but are now locked into a contract that they view as not just legal but binding in God's eyes? Nothing good, I would warrant.

Also, I do not think it is healthy to view sex as a sin, whatever the scenario, provided it involves consenting adults. We have enough problems as a society as it is, and putting (what I view as) an arbitrary and unnatural barrier between our most basic driving force is problematic.

Each to their own though, of course. I hope OP finds success and a partner with whom this all works. I just struggle to understand the why of it, outside of, 'well, them's the rules' (which brings up all the usual questions then, about shellfish, etc).

The sample size of people I've slept with is not enormous, but I can safely say that if the sex part came once I was locked into a legal obligation to that person, there would have been big trouble on the horizon with the majority of my previous partners, so the odds are not in the favour of not testing the waters, in my view.

 

[Herr der Verboten]

It's actually interesting - From a quick look, the majority of mainstream Christians do not adhere to the notion of no sex before marriage, when it comes down to it. Is it reasonable to say that even in this particular pond, this is by today's standards, an 'extreme' view?

The same quick look shows that (as we might expect), the history of sex and Christianity is fascinating and complex - No point here, other than it's interesting to look at such fundamental human desires clashing with one another (the biological imperative VS the somewhat arbitrary rules of a given religious framework).

For whatever it is worth, my own experience as a human makes the idea of not having sex with someone you hope to spend the rest of your life with, a bit of a crazy concept - Relationships are complex, and there are so many decisions you need to make before committing to someone. Sexual compatibility is (obviously) extremely important (to anyone with a sex drive), and what happens if it turns out two partners do not mesh in this regard, but are now locked into a contract that they view as not just legal but binding in God's eyes? Nothing good, I would warrant.

Also, I do not think it is healthy to view sex as a sin, whatever the scenario, provided it involves consenting adults. We have enough problems as a society as it is, and putting (what I view as) an arbitrary and unnatural barrier between our most basic driving force is problematic.

Each to their own though, of course. I hope OP finds success and a partner with whom this all works. I just struggle to understand the why of it, outside of, 'well, them's the rules' (which brings up all the usual questions then, about shellfish, etc).

The sample size of people I've slept with is not enormous, but I can safely say that if the sex part came once I was locked into a legal obligation to that person, there would have been big trouble on the horizon with the majority of my previous partners, so the odds are not in the favour of not testing the waters, in my view.

Anything demonized is a problem.

In fact it is better to understand something for what it really is without your aversions, grasping and false-constructs. Finally, then form options from that understanding you can do or don't.

 

[LCBXX]

Beer and whiskey on the back of his Bantam first then rifles

Hell no...WTF mate? Sucking on a meth-pipe is the way to go, especially on the back of a Bantam.

 

[LCBXX]

Maybe because when people are irresponsible with their genitals, they make an unwanted child. All religion is, is just a codification of a very easily observed phenomena.
Unwanted children = bad, therefore be careful that you don't make an unwanted child.

I have a very simple rule, which is simply based on biology. And that is you shouldn't be having sex with a person if you don't want to have and raise a child with them. That is the function of sex in human biology, and thus basing your behaviour around this is the thing that will make your life the easiest.

Reasonable. Then again, adults are hardly punished for fscking unwanted children into existence and then abandoning them/raising them badly. I think when society starts hacking off the heads of adults found to be harming children and placing them on pikes along the N1, nothing will change.