Why is it so challenging to find someone who is willing to commit to Christian dating?

FrankCastle

Executive Member
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Dec 3, 2010
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8,178
Disclaimer: OP is not gonna like this but keep in mind that it is not meant to cause offense.

The funny thing is that woman because they (typically) don't automatically buildup sex urge the way men do just don't understand male difficulties.

It is LITERALLY impossible for most men to stay chaste as well as romantically interested in a woman for a long period of time...... every thought about nvm touch from this woman is enough to increase the pressure beyond unbearable..... some kind of release really is necessary.

This is why "dating" in the modern sense is unfeasible for someone that believes in no sex outside of marriage. It is also why courtships were such formal affairs in the past where a certain physical as well as emotional distance was kept while both the participants as well as the chaperones/guardians assessed compatibility.

The ONLY way to do long term dating before marriage is to add in some kind of unchastity.

So basically OP has one choice, prayer and finding the right guy to take the gamble on...... with a short courtship instead of dating. If you don't think he's the guy for you within a few months dump him and move on, if you think he is take the gamble and marry him..... either way find a way to make up your damn mind faster than you used to.

Also, if any guy is willing to compromise with adultery (which is ANY sex outside of marriage including premarital) then he is already displaying that he is neither serious about you nor Christianity.

The problem here is OP needs to look the world firmly in the eye for what it is rather than what she want's it to be and change her behavior accordingly. She is 25 not 15, if she want's to be a woman she must stop acting like a girl and demanding change from others as if she is entitled to it.

And as others have untactfully mentioned.... if a certain kind of man does not want to check the boxes you want him to.... change the kind of man you are going after.
So men can't control themselves?

This is quite a narrow minded view.
 

Afon Kulikov

Forging
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Feb 24, 2016
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OP, What others are saying are correct for me too.
Once you bring up that religious nonsense and the M word. Your hot scale goes way down and your crazy scale jumps meters. We run for the hills.
You need to word it differently when the subject comes up, now I don't know you, I don't know what you look like so that part is up to you to decide.
 

Surv0

Executive Member
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Jan 7, 2006
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5,727
Sorry, most insane thing to do before you get married, but good luck... Christians get divorced too....
 

randomcat

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Dec 15, 2018
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We have all heard that sex before marriage is a sin but too few people compared to the world's population get married virgins.

I am 25yrs old and not a virgin. For the past two years, I've been learning new things about my Christianity that I did not know or that I was not entirely really taught while growing up and I have made decisions based on those things.

One of those decisions is to not have sex again until I get married. Which is fairly easy as I don't really have that much experience with the other gender. I've only tried dating twice in these two years and both were turned-off by the fact that I want to avoid sex...until marriage most preferably. But even Christian guys seem to think I'm chasing pavements.

Is this really too much to ask for?
The current generation actually has a lot of virgins compared to the previous. People are more socially awkward and can't even hold a conversation. Women look for men who are perceived to be "high status" among other women. I've experienced this personally, as soon as you get 1 girl to laugh at your joke or show interest, a lot more will show up. So the guy gets to choose and women will put out if they think they might loose him. As a man that temptation is really hard(no pun intended) to deal with because I try to hold similar values of abstaining and all that good stuff. My point is you might be looking at the wrong guys. Find some loners and see if they meet your criteria.
 

Afon Kulikov

Forging
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Messages
38,419
The current generation actually has a lot of virgins compared to the previous. People are more socially awkward and can't even hold a conversation. Women look for men who are perceived to be "high status" among other women. I've experienced this personally, as soon as you get 1 girl to laugh at your joke or show interest, a lot more will show up. So the guy gets to choose and women will put out if they think they might loose him. As a man that temptation is really hard(no pun intended) to deal with because I try to hold similar values of abstaining and all that good stuff. My point is you might be looking at the wrong guys. Find some loners and see if they meet your criteria.
Be careful there, you don't want to end up being controlled and told what to do.
For me personally the sex will happen when it does, it just comes, yes pun intended.
Strong independent woman that can take care of her self and tell me on my crap. What you are describing, what I see is submissive, can't handle themselves and can't go through life without someone else making the choices for them.
A true respective man/ helicopter/ power boat, etc should be able to handle a strong, independent other person
 

randomcat

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Be careful there, you don't want to end up being controlled and told what to do.
Are you referring to me or the OP.
For me personally the sex will happen when it does, it just comes, yes pun intended.
Strong independent woman that can take care of her self and tell me on my crap. What you are describing, what I see is submissive, can't handle themselves and can't go through life without someone else making the choices for them.
A true respective man/ helicopter/ power boat, etc should be able to handle a strong, independent other person
I wasn't suggesting that the OP become submissive, just that the most men in her "preference" might not hold the same values.
 

Afon Kulikov

Forging
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Feb 24, 2016
Messages
38,419
Are you referring to me or the OP.
OP
I wasn't suggesting that the OP become submissive, just that the most men in her "preference" might not hold the same values.
I get that, why I mentioned, looks like to me. But I get what you say, but those can easily warp for someone like OP. All I'm trying to say is be careful, you might get what you want and not get what you want.
Keep back on the religious talk and keep the M-word far hidden.
That's all, I'm not in the mood to go all psychoanalysis right now
 

@naledi96

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Jan 12, 2019
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23
Thank you guys for all your comments: the rude ones, sensible ones, funny ones and everything in-between.

I prefer dating people i know (acquaintances, church mates etc) but i later find out they are modernised. I definitely do not drop that bomb on the very 1st date. Leading me to the boundaries part that I saw most people were wondering about.

It would normally be at the point after some time of dating (maybe days or 2weeks for example) and we are probably kissing...and i do not like to get deep into it because of what it leads to.
It would normally be the kissing where guy is starting to touch my places and when i pull back they are like "why" , then I be like "I'm not ready for that yet, it's too soon" , then its a "no its not, let's do it now. We both into it", and that's when I would talk about boundaries. Maybe not definitely, but i would put it off, ask to leave sooner than intended, etc. and find a way to mention it on our next conversation. Or whenever it may be. Depends on the circumstances. But definitely not on the 1st date.

About not being a virgin but not wanting sex part: sex is not about just satisfying the flesh. There are STIs and unwanted pregnancies and all that involved. When i broke my virginity I dated the guy for over a year, and due to social pressure (and porn) I decided i might as well give up the cookie coz i was convinced he was the one. We dated for 3more years then broke up.

The reason why I would rather wait until marriage is because I want a person who will be sure I'm his mate for life, and I be sure he's my mate for life. I've never been really into having sex for fun and thus have a very low body count.
And I don't want my future husband to find me with too much experience that will make me compare him sexually with other guys or expect certain things from him from previous experiences. Which I think will just bring unhappiness to me. I also don't expect a guy with too much baggage too. Maybe a low body count from his side is not to be expected, but someone who wants to settle and has his intentions clear for the future. Like myself.

I want to enjoy sex within the right boundaries and explore other things in marriage without fear of an unwanted pregnancy, infections, and a lot of hurt in the process. Divorce is a different subject so let's leave that one out. It also happens, but not before you get married 1st. And it doesn't even HAVE TO happen, in most cases. Problems can be solved. Others can't.

I have been hurt before and that can really mess up the perception on men/commitment/relationships, and we don't want that. So I want to start my future on a clean-slate with someone who will be worthy of me and willing to respect my decisions, which is crucial for any relationship. I deserve it.
 

RedViking

Nord of the South
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Feb 23, 2012
Messages
40,347
Thank you guys for all your comments: the rude ones, sensible ones, funny ones and everything in-between.

I prefer dating people i know (acquaintances, church mates etc) but i later find out they are modernised. I definitely do not drop that bomb on the very 1st date. Leading me to the boundaries part that I saw most people were wondering about.

It would normally be at the point after some time of dating (maybe days or 2weeks for example) and we are probably kissing...and i do not like to get deep into it because of what it leads to.
It would normally be the kissing where guy is starting to touch my places and when i pull back they are like "why" , then I be like "I'm not ready for that yet, it's too soon" , then its a "no its not, let's do it now. We both into it", and that's when I would talk about boundaries. Maybe not definitely, but i would put it off, ask to leave sooner than intended, etc. and find a way to mention it on our next conversation. Or whenever it may be. Depends on the circumstances. But definitely not on the 1st date.

About not being a virgin but not wanting sex part: sex is not about just satisfying the flesh. There are STIs and unwanted pregnancies and all that involved. When i broke my virginity I dated the guy for over a year, and due to social pressure (and porn) I decided i might as well give up the cookie coz i was convinced he was the one. We dated for 3more years then broke up.

The reason why I would rather wait until marriage is because I want a person who will be sure I'm his mate for life, and I be sure he's my mate for life. I've never been really into having sex for fun and thus have a very low body count.
And I don't want my future husband to find me with too much experience that will make me compare him sexually with other guys or expect certain things from him from previous experiences. Which I think will just bring unhappiness to me. I also don't expect a guy with too much baggage too. Maybe a low body count from his side is not to be expected, but someone who wants to settle and has his intentions clear for the future. Like myself.

I want to enjoy sex within the right boundaries and explore other things in marriage without fear of an unwanted pregnancy, infections, and a lot of hurt in the process. Divorce is a different subject so let's leave that one out. It also happens, but not before you get married 1st. And it doesn't even HAVE TO happen, in most cases. Problems can be solved. Others can't.

I have been hurt before and that can really mess up the perception on men/commitment/relationships, and we don't want that. So I want to start my future on a clean-slate with someone who will be worthy of me and willing to respect my decisions, which is crucial for any relationship. I deserve it.

Sounds like you are in need of some good counselling or a psychologist to help you work through your issues before you do further dating.
 

azbob

Honorary Master
Joined
Nov 18, 2008
Messages
34,116
I know this might sound silly but are you hot?

Or are you one of those ugly girls on Tinder who says "No DTF/ONS" on her profile.

Bitch please, no one wants you.

You know need to grow up, not just growing older every year. Okay? Will do you some good.

Ja hy. I mean I also really like intimacy. I'm attractive with a great body (maybe 7/8 out of 10) and well educated.

Is my apology on the way or is that another thing that won’t come?
 

rambo919

Honorary Master
Joined
Jul 30, 2008
Messages
17,258
So men can't control themselves?

This is quite a narrow minded view.
Past a certain point the only control possible is distance..... sometimes control is managing proximity.

Biology is as biology does, ignoring that is playing stupid games which gives stupid prizes.
 

rambo919

Honorary Master
Joined
Jul 30, 2008
Messages
17,258
It would normally be at the point after some time of dating (maybe days or 2weeks for example) and we are probably kissing...and i do not like to get deep into it because of what it leads to.
It would normally be the kissing where guy is starting to touch my places and when i pull back they are like "why" , then I be like "I'm not ready for that yet, it's too soon" , then its a "no its not, let's do it now. We both into it", and that's when I would talk about boundaries. Maybe not definitely, but i would put it off, ask to leave sooner than intended, etc. and find a way to mention it on our next conversation. Or whenever it may be. Depends on the circumstances. But definitely not on the 1st date.
A word of warning on kissing.... it can easily be like turning on an engine and not being able to turn it off or stop the revving....

Kissing is not as innocent as it might seem and much more intimiate than people might think because they have been so desensitized to it's effect.
 

SauRoNZA

Honorary Master
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
40,447
The worst possible idea on the planet is to get married without having sex beforehand.

It's a massive gamble and it's either a case of sheer luck it works out for some, or they just suffer in silence forever....there really aren't other outcomes.

Silly broken logic to commit to a relationship indefinitely without knowing up front the sum of all its parts.
 

rambo919

Honorary Master
Joined
Jul 30, 2008
Messages
17,258
The worst possible idea on the planet is to get married without having sex beforehand.

It's a massive gamble and it's either a case of sheer luck it works out for some, or they just suffer in silence forever....there really aren't other outcomes.

Silly broken logic to commit to a relationship indefinitely without knowing up front the sum of all its parts.
Sex can change, there is no such thing as being incompatible only being too selfish to adapt.

The broken logic is thinking you can test drive multiple people without side effects.
 
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