Why is it so challenging to find someone who is willing to commit to Christian dating?

[konfab]

The worst possible idea on the planet is to get married without having sex beforehand.

It's a massive gamble and it's either a case of sheer luck it works out for some, or they just suffer in silence forever....there really aren't other outcomes.

Silly broken logic to commit to a relationship indefinitely without knowing up front the sum of all its parts.

I completely agree. Even though I am happy I exist, my parents had a deeply unhappy marriage that would not have happened if they didn't live together first.

The problem is that people take the idea that you have given, and toss the baby out with the bathwater, that is they toss out any and all reason why not to have sex.

 

[konfab]

Fussy guys/chicks looking for Mr/Ms Perfect tend to end up on the shelf wondering wtf went wrong with their life

Standards matter as well.

There are red flags with people that you ignore with your own peril.

 

[ShaunSA]

Standards matter as well.

There are red flags with people that you ignore with your own peril.

There are standards and then there's being a fussy bitch

 

[SauRoNZA]

I completely agree. Even though I am happy I exist, my parents had a deeply unhappy marriage that would not have happened if they didn't live together first.

The problem is that people take the idea that you have given, and toss the baby out with the bathwater, that is they toss out any and all reason why not to have sex.

Yeah that’s part and parcel of the equation.

Live together for a year or two, do all the “married” things that come with that and then make the long term commitments.

The whole system is broken where people…

1. Make huge debt to have a wedding.
2. Get married and then move in together all in one breath.
3. Then struggle and fight about finances.

It’s just silly.

I say buy a house together and live in it for a few years.

If you survive that then getting married is easy.

And pay cash for it. Done.

 

[pinball wizard]

I say buy a house together and live in it for a few years.

If you survive that then getting married is easy.

And pay cash for it. Done.

That I agree with 100%. In fact that's exactly what me and the Chinese did. (The wedding is on the 5th of June, but done within budget and paid cash, the house was bought two years ago)

 

[konfab]

Yeah that’s part and parcel of the equation.

Live together for a year or two, do all the “married” things that come with that and then make the long term commitments.

The whole system is broken where people…

1. Make huge debt to have a wedding.
2. Get married and then move in together all in one breath.
3. Then struggle and fight about finances.

It’s just silly.

I say buy a house together and live in it for a few years.

If you survive that then getting married is easy.

And pay cash for it. Done.

Those three things contradict each other quite badly.
Young people won't have the ability to buy a house cash. And buying a house with someone is way more risky than throwing away money on a wedding in terms of costs.

Do agree with the wedding part, keeping it as simple and as low key as possible was one of the best decisions my wife and I made.

 

[w1z4rd]

We have all heard that sex before marriage is a sin but too few people compared to the world's population get married virgins.

I am 25yrs old and not a virgin. For the past two years, I've been learning new things about my Christianity that I did not know or that I was not entirely really taught while growing up and I have made decisions based on those things.

One of those decisions is to not have sex again until I get married. Which is fairly easy as I don't really have that much experience with the other gender. I've only tried dating twice in these two years and both were turned-off by the fact that I want to avoid sex...until marriage most preferably. But even Christian guys seem to think I'm chasing pavements.

Is this really too much to ask for?

Which verse in your Bible says "no sex before marriage"?

Are you really doing what the Bible says you should do, or are you doing something some prudes made up?

 

[SauRoNZA]

Those three things contradict each other quite badly.
Young people won't have the ability to buy a house cash. And buying a house with someone is way more risky than throwing away money on a wedding in terms of costs.

Sorry I meant pay for the wedding cash. Not the house.

 

[konfab]

Sorry I meant pay for the wedding cash. Not the house.

Ah.

In that case I still disagree about buying a house

 

[pinball wizard]

Those three things contradict each other quite badly.
Young people won't have the ability to buy a house cash. And buying a house with someone is way more risky than throwing away money on a wedding in terms of costs.

Do agree with the wedding part, keeping it as simple and as low key as possible was one of the best decisions my wife and I made.

He means pay for the wedding cash...

 

[pinball wizard]

In that case I still disagree about buying a house

You can still do that, either with some trust in the relationship, or with an actual trust, so if the relationship dissolves, the house becomes an asset of the trust and you can divide it up that way. It's an extra step, but not a terrible one.

 

[airborne]

I've often wondered why religions are so obsessed with what people should do, and choose to do, with their own genitals...

Back in the day with no birth control or modern medicine to cure std's abstinence before marriage had a fair amount of merit, now days not so much.

The bible was written for people lives that were current 2000+ years ago.

Wonder when a revision will be released, bible 2.0... a premarital shag is fine as long as protection is used, god loves those who use latex

 

[SauRoNZA]

Ah.

In that case I still disagree about buying a house

It’s an infinitely better “test” of a relationship with the legal hassles of getting married.

 

[UrBaN963]

Can I call it a Christian relationship because we do missionary sometimes?

 

[FrankCastle]

Past a certain point the only control possible is distance..... sometimes control is managing proximity.

Biology is as biology does, ignoring that is playing stupid games which gives stupid prizes.

Since the introduction of birth control pills the dynamic has changed. Men and women are now more or less on an equal footing, so best rather take an impartial view.

Social gatherings are no longer about man looking for woman, but both man and woman getting in the sack.

 

[konfab]

You can still do that, either with some trust in the relationship, or with an actual trust, so if the relationship dissolves, the house becomes an asset of the trust and you can divide it up that way. It's an extra step, but not a terrible one.

Still no.

Houses are expensive to buy. Even for a "cheap" house of R1m you are looking at thousands of rands worth of transfer duties and lawyer fees.

Buying a house can wait till after marriage. Till then, it is much saner to rent.

 

[pinball wizard]

Still no.

Houses are expensive to buy. Even for a "cheap" house of R1m you are looking at thousands of rands worth of transfer duties and lawyer fees.

Buying a house can wait till after marriage. Till then, it is much saner to rent.

For me it's a potato/potayto issue.

I think it's not a one size fits all issue/solution. For us, and I suspect many, it's more cost effective to buy than rent, and a lot of us in that position have the cash to pay bond costs and transfer/lawyer fees.

Also, I think it even living with someone is a leap, some of us are glass half full people and will take it on faith.

 

[konfab]

It’s an infinitely better “test” of a relationship with the legal hassles of getting married.

A "test" that costs thousands if it fails is not a good test.

Why not just rent?

 

[rietrot]

Buying a house is almost a bigger commitment than marriage. It's really easy to get divorced, if you don't have expensive illiquid assets to divide.

If you are unsure abou marrying someone,definitely don't buy a house together just to test them out.

 

[konfab]

For me it's a potato/potayto issue.

I think it's not a one size fits all issue/solution. For us, and I suspect many, it's more cost effective to buy than rent, and a lot of us in that position have the cash to pay bond costs and transfer/lawyer fees.

Also, I think it even living with someone is a leap, some of us are glass half full people and will take it on faith.

Still money down the drain if you end up in a position where you are forced to sell.