Woman in their 40s

[Spliffcat]

This has had me pondering for a while. Two relationships I have had have not worked out. Both of the girls were in their mid forties and both had lost their fathers in their late teens and early twenties. Both could not keep a stable relationship before we met.
What does this early trauma do to their future lives? Both have verbally abused me when drunk.
Is this a common reaction to the trauma they have suffered. Any known studies done on this?
I am baffled.

 

[nfbs]

Mix of excessive amount of alcohol and female in her 40s should already have been no go.

 

[Spliffcat]

That sounds like common sense to me.

 

[chrisc]

Had these ladies been married before? My wife lost her father when she was 13 (he died of cancer) and has managed to maintain a stable marriage to me for 43 years.

The scenario you paint is too vague to be taken as a rule. Many other things influence how people behave, plus a 40+ year old might be trying too hard

A friend lost his wife due to illness at 38 and after 8 years started to date again. He said he was horrified at the women throwing themselves at him, offering god knows what. It took him 4 years to find a sane, level-headed woman with whom he has settled down.

 

[Viva]

Both of the girls were in their mid forties

:wtf:

 

[Spliffcat]

Hi Chriss
Yes both have been married before it did not last long for either of them.

 

[biometrics]

Losing a parent in your late teens or early twenties means nothing.

Two people hardly make for reliable statistics.

 

[noxibox]

You can't call that early trauma.

 

[Spliffcat]

ok then why the abuse and personality shifts when they both drink alcohol.

 

[biometrics]

ok then why the abuse and personality shifts when they both drink alcohol.

Maybe the fault is with you and who you pick.

 

[Celine]

i actually can't understand the alcohol part of it to be honest. i didn't have parents from the age of, oh i don't know, i guess it must have been about 3 or 4. both never played an active part in my life ever so i don't even know what age to say really. but that hasn't made me turn to alcohol or any other abusive stuff whatever that may be. i also don't believe in this abusive thing. yes all relationships have their ups and downs but my children have come from a very stable home and it proves in their up bringing and their manners.

 

[Cadavre777]

Two previously divorced single females in their 40's... and this didn't raise any alarms?

 

[Nanfeishen]

ok then why the abuse and personality shifts when they both drink alcohol.

Because alcohol brings out the crazy in head case people that are good at hiding their true colours.

Want to know what somebody is really all about, catch them when they are drunk.
If they are mellow and sane, burbling along quietly , great, if they lose it , lose them.

 

[maumau]

i actually can't understand the alcohol part of it to be honest. i didn't have parents from the age of, oh i don't know, i guess it must have been about 3 or 4. both never played an active part in my life ever so i don't even know what age to say really. but that hasn't made me turn to alcohol or any other abusive stuff whatever that may be. i also don't believe in this abusive thing. yes all relationships have their ups and downs but my children have come from a very stable home and it proves in their up bringing and their manners.

Well done celine you've achieved what most of us strive for

 

[Hemi300c]

Where did you meet the two women?

 

[Grubscrew]

Another common factor that both share is that they dated you.

 

[Spliffcat]

Because alcohol brings out the crazy in head case people that are good at hiding their true colours.

Want to know what somebody is really all about, catch them when they are drunk.
If they are mellow and sane, burbling along quietly , great, if they lose it , lose them.

This looks like what has happened. The gremlins only start surfacing after about 6 months.

 

[Spliffcat]

Another common factor that both share is that they dated you.

Yep I'm a sucker for punishment/softheart.

 

[ponder]

i actually can't understand the alcohol part of it to be honest. i didn't have parents from the age of, oh i don't know, i guess it must have been about 3 or 4. both never played an active part in my life ever so i don't even know what age to say really. but that hasn't made me turn to alcohol or any other abusive stuff whatever that may be. i also don't believe in this abusive thing. yes all relationships have their ups and downs but my children have come from a very stable home and it proves in their up bringing and their manners.

Yeah but don't you beat up school kids?

Where's that thread when you need it...

 

[Spliffcat]

oh Celine thanks for the advice. Now you are getting flak.