Would you inform a friend if their partner is/was adulterous?

Craig_

Craig_

Honorary Master
Joined
Feb 22, 2016
Messages
26,906
Nerfherder said:
Are you still friends ? Did he apologies ?

I have seen a few times that the bearer of bad news gets as much grief as the bad person.

We had an alcoholic friend who went off the rails after 8 years of sobriety. Another good friend of his caught him one night and told his girlfriend . She reacted badly and ended that friendship... she still kicked his ass out when he went missing and ended up passed out on the street outside their house a day later.

Its just so odd that helping out might make you into the bad person - the wife was unaware of the relapse and hadn't even seen what he was like when he was drinking as she had only been with him when he was sober.
And yes they got married and were together for 5 years before he cheated (and probably relapsed again).
I assume she found out in a similar way to before...

So - I'd always be hesitant to involve myself in another couples business unless you really have a stake in it.
Click to expand...

We're still friends. Long story short he called me one afternoon very distraught. Spent a long time on the phone trying to calm him down. He is now married, while the ex-gf is divorced. Had a messy divorce.
 
Fulcrum29

Fulcrum29

Honorary Master
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
55,064
Personally I won’t intervene, or get involved in any way. I have already had my hands burnt in the past.

No good deed goes unpunished, but I have learned better since.

Also, it is not my place to evaluate what is going on behind closed doors. In the case, there is abuse happening there are other appropriate avenues to pursue.

Jealousy is also bad and may have severe repercussions. I pity some women, sometimes too many men wants their bratwurst buried in the same hole.

You may peek into an open relationship which is also not your business, and you won't get some.
 
Pineapple Smurf

Pineapple Smurf

Pineapple Beer Connoisseur
Joined
Aug 2, 2016
Messages
43,435
The_Donkey said:
Yeah, but you don't know how that fscks with the receiver's mind.

Someone called me and sent me a bunch of SMS's to tell me my wife was cheating. He then destroyed the SIM card. I spent weeks in mental turmoil not knowing who the person was. I spent nights awake trying to analyse the style of writing all the while arguing with my wife about who she's having an affair with.

My wife kept telling me it's someone who's trying to hurt her and after many months, we finally found out it was a couple that my wife got an interdict against after a verbal altercation. This was due to hints from a mutual friend and finally I managed to connect the dots

What made tracking who it was difficult was both the husband and the wife sent me SMS's. The husband couldn't spell for schit. They used the same number and I didn't realise it was two people contacting me at the time.. They also used a pre-RICA'd SIM registered to a Sipho. I don't even know anybody by that name.

I also don't read SMS's so it was over a period of like a week since they sent the first SMS. I immediately called back and that was the day they destroyed the SIM.

Legally I wish there was something I could do to them, but I have absolutely no proof. Or I'll just put out a hit for the nights where my wife cried me awake, begging me to believe her and for the depressed state she sunk to during that period. I'm getting pissed off all over again.
Click to expand...
Kak spelling you say?
My money is on @mushroom
 
N

Ninja'd

A Djinn
Joined
Jan 7, 2010
Messages
50,209
Zophos said:
Sounds like he went all American Pie on that...erm...pie

@Ninja'd
Click to expand...

Not an American Pie but have you ever seen a Swiss Roll?

images


Pretty tempting
 
Cius

Cius

Executive Member
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
8,347
Would depend on the person tbh and how I thought they would react to the news. Still, if it where me I would want to know and would not blame the messenger so for my true friends, sure I would tell them. If you are more of an acquaintance if it annoyed me enough I would get some evidence and get it to the person anonymously with a note explaining without revealing who sent it.
 
P

Pufferfish94

Senior Member
Joined
Sep 6, 2016
Messages
593
If my friend was cheating I would confront them and let them know I disagree with their actions but leave it at that.

If my friend was being cheated on I would become a private investigator and go to them with photos, videos and any other proof I could muster
 
Smokey mcpot

Smokey mcpot

Expert Member
Joined
May 28, 2019
Messages
1,572
All those who say they want to know, what’s your course of action when you get told?

my ex cheated on me and we had a 1 yr old daughter. I went to surprise and pick her up from work, turns out I was being surprised when I pulled into the parking lot.
 
OCP

OCP

Executive Member
Joined
Jan 23, 2014
Messages
5,306
Smokey mcpot said:
All those who say they want to know, what’s your course of action when you get told?

my ex cheated on me and we had a 1 yr old daughter. I went to surprise and pick her up from work, turns out I was being surprised when I pulled into the parking lot.
Click to expand...
tough call - would depend on circumstances?

My knee-jerk reaction would be to boot her out of my life but have never been in this situation so can't say for sure......
 
J

JohnStarr

Executive Member
Joined
May 21, 2018
Messages
9,342
Yes I would. Actually told a mate of mine years ago to never go back to his cheating girlfriend, and when she asked me to chat to him told her to take a hike.
 
Smokey mcpot

Smokey mcpot

Expert Member
Joined
May 28, 2019
Messages
1,572
OCP said:
tough call - would depend on circumstances?

My knee-jerk reaction would be to boot her out of my life but have never been in this situation so can't say for sure......
Click to expand...

im generally quite a laid back person. On the day I just saw red! Knocked the guy the F out and left. Can’t remember where I went but it was not straight home. When I eventually got home I saw her coming home a well. Told her to get lost. My daughter has been living with me since.

she eventually was in a relationship with the guy and they had a kid. Was a terrible abusive relationship and my daughter went to their place every 2nd weekend. Came home very sad one day and turns out the dude beat her mom up in front of her.
I politely asked him to not do that in front of my daughter again and to save it for when she’s not there. He gave me a bad answer and then I knocked him out again.

was the worst experience for me and definitely affected my future relationships. However it also helped me a lot in terms of growth and keeping me from cheating
 
Mystic Twilight

Mystic Twilight

Expert Member
Joined
Dec 23, 2010
Messages
4,079
If the cheating person is attractive, get evidence of the cheating and then confront them privately about it demanding some regular "services" if they don't want you to inform their partner/your friend. Record each time you get "services" so that you have a feedback loop of increasing bribery. If the person that they are cheating with is also in an existing relationship, demand [regular] money for keeping quiet about it. Sharing the cheating partner with them is optional, but ensure there is testing done beforehand for STD.

On a more serious note, I would tell my friend [privately] but get evidence first otherwise it's a "he-said-she-said", also preferably you aren't seen by the cheating partner being caught so that you don't get retaliatory flak.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top