Would you meet for forgiveness?

[The_Pumpkin_King]

There is a person from my past who hurt me fairly badly, and is now wanting to get together to try and explain and possibly get some sort of forgiveness ... Now to me it was a very big deal, and I am just not sure how to handle this ... To close that chapter it would be best to go, but then again by going it could bring back everything I have put away. What would the best way to handle this be in your opinion?

Thaaaaaaaanks *drink*

i vote yes, wear shoes with a steel covered tip, kick him in the nards and walk away like the H man! oh yes! truly awesome






ps....take pics

 

[Kitten]

Hmmm don't put ideas into my head lol

 

[The_Pumpkin_King]

Hmmm don't put ideas into my head lol

awww man, i had so many ideas

 

[Dohc-WP]

Kitten : If it was me, I'd tell the person where to get off and carry on with my life as if they'd never gotten hold of you.

(i've been in what I think is a similar experience, and yeah.. i've cut the person out entirely... and I'm happier for it tbh)

Yip thats what i also did ! If he really had a concience he shoudnt have hurt u in the 1st place.

 

[guest2013-1]

IMO. He probably realizes what he's done, and regret it. He will then try to apologize to possibly get back together (if that was the situation)

Holding grudges and letting it go can be done entirely without any contact with the person whatsoever.

It will only bring up a lot of emotions you don't want by sitting there watching him cry about how sorry he is for doing what he did trying to justify it.

 

[PPC_SouthAfrica]

If its only to make him feel better then why do it, but if it will make you feel better too then maybe

 

[Waaib]

Apologizing is one thing. Accepting the apology is another.

I think it's a bit rich to expect forgiveness before the fact. If the end result is already determined why not just skip the detail and say ok I forgive you. There's no need for the stuff in between.

I think you should hear him out but tell him the it's his opportunity to state his case and clear his head. You make no promises, commitments and guarantees on how you respond.

 

[Gazer]

If its only to make him feel better then why do it, but if it will make you feel better too then maybe

Exactly! You're not responsible for making him feel better.

If it was me I wouldn't go. I've done it once before and it didn't make any difference to they way I felt about the person. It just made me more annoyed at myself for giving them peace of mind and doing nothing for the way I felt.

 

[Pitbull]

This fk'r has alterior motives.

He would only want to meet you in person for one of 2 things

1. He wants to get back into your pants
2. He is really fk'd up in his head and wants to finish what he started.

Best is to tell him to fk off and get someone else to love and hold

This is the best advice tbh What has happened has happened. Nothing anyone else says will change it.... This is only a means to a way for him/her/it.

Let it go

 

[skoob]

My ex and I did the whole "talking" thing...it was telephonic...both ended up in tears. Now we are good friends.

It needs to be a mutual thing. If you are uncomfortable with it, then don't do it.

 

[Nocturnity]

Coming from "the guy who made a mistake" thing, I'd say you should hear him out, depending on what exactly he did, of course. I made a mistake 3 years ago (no, not cheating, it's much deeper than that) and I'm a very "soft" person so it rides heavily on my conscience. I'd give anything to apologize to the woman in question but I also feel that I should rather leave it because she's moved on with her life and I certainly don't want to dredge up old emotions for her. I just want her to be happy and if that means I have to carry the burden alone, so be it. I was the one who made the choice so I should be the one to carry the guilt. It's been hard but I've maintained silence for 3 years.

Just a little glimpse into the other side. Use it, don't use it. Ultimately it's up to you.

 

[Kitten]

Yeah I never looked at it from his side really ... part of me wants to hate him forever, and part of me wants to actually tell him exactly what he did and how it affected my life for many many years. I dunno, I guess we'll see.

Nocturnity, do you think it would have been much easier to clear things up with this woman? or if you had the chance, would it be too hard?

 

[Nocturnity]

Yeah I never looked at it from his side really ... part of me wants to hate him forever, and part of me wants to actually tell him exactly what he did and how it affected my life for many many years. I dunno, I guess we'll see.

Nocturnity, do you think it would have been much easier to clear things up with this woman? or if you had the chance, would it be too hard?

I'd certainly be able to clear things up if I sat down with her for a few hours. Thing is, it's actually easier for someone to move on if they're angry or resentful because they have a crutch. Once you remove that crutch, it becomes much more difficult to accept your fate. At least, that's the way I see it. Let me explain.

Some background: Girl left me 3 years ago when I was still living in JHB. First and so far the only girl I've really loved. It tore me apart for a year and I packed up and moved back to Cape Town where I still couldn't get her out of my head. Eventually, another 18 months later, I finally started healing and became myself again. Then she came for a visit and wanted us to try again. I was all for it and she quit her cushy job to move in with me. What I didn't mention earlier is that I'd been dating a new girl and things were pretty good at the time. Obviously with the "old flame" coming back, I ended the relationship with the new girl.

After two weeks (and some harsh mails from new girl) I felt really bad about myself and I thought that if I hadn't been good enough for this girl before, why would I be now... So I told her not to move down. I made her lose a great job that she loved and I gave up possibly my best chance at finding a soulmate.

So, I think I'd be able to explain what went wrong and give both her and myself some closure but that was 2 years ago and I'm pretty sure she's moved on with her life. I agreed not to contact her again and out of respect I have done just that. That also means that, because she doesn't really understand why I changed my mind and how tough it was for me, she can be angry at me for saying no.

Hope that answers your question!

 

[Kitten]

Oh wow okay, I think if it were explained you wouldn't come across as the bad guy she probably thinks you are now ... that doesn't sound as much harmful as it does just cautious ... Either way, sorry that things turned out the way they did.

 

[Mila]

I've explained as best I can without going into too much detail, this is after all a clean forum .... Postman, I wish! But he says he needs to get past what he did and blah blah .. i'm just left wondering if it may help me too.

Sounds like you dated the same evil bastard as me...... and no he wants to feel beter about himself, its like telling your best friend you slept with her BF it's only to make you feel less guilty nothing to do with her.....

So no, if i think about me it would encourage the idiot to stay in contact and make me hate him more.....

 

[Nocturnity]

Oh wow okay, I think if it were explained you wouldn't come across as the bad guy she probably thinks you are now ... that doesn't sound as much harmful as it does just cautious ... Either way, sorry that things turned out the way they did.

Correct, but with her thinking of me as the "bad guy", she has a scapegoat and a reason to be angry. Take that away and the anger is replaced with sadness, which I think is much worse.

See where I'm going with this? Depending on your situation, it may just happen that you feel less angry at the person but that anger may be replaced by something worse. Then again, it may just reinforce your anger.

 

[Kitten]

Yeah I see what you're saying ... but our situation is very different, in the sense that it wasn't really emotional pain that got to me the most .. but yeah, I see how the anger may be better to move on with than sadness.

 

[eek]

I read through like half of all this!

In a nutshell...I think see the guy! Yes, he hurt you, but at least he wants to apologise for what he did. And that is quite something in itself!

If you hear what he has to say, let him know how it has been for you all this time so he can more clearly understand the implications of his actions, and if you can accept his apology, that will close that chapter in your life forever and you will feel a whole heap of weight being lifted off your shoulders, weight you didn't even know about. And you will feel a whole lot better...and so will this person.

We all make mistakes in our lives, but only so many get to say "I'm sorry" before it's too late, give the guy a chance to say "I'm sorry" before it's too late and finish it off once and for all!

 

[Kitten]

He has organised for us to get together once before, and it ended very badly! ... now he says its different, argh.

 

[TheHiveMind]

Im hoping to never see her again. I doubt i can forgive because she can never understand.
Perhaps my exerience does not compare at all to yours.