Do Women's Decisions Lead To Weaker, More Sensitive Children?

[Paul Kemp]

Things to teach children that are not weak.
- Not having to win all the arguments.
- it’s ok to be wrong.

 

[Pitbull]

After really reading this thread... OP:

Nothing you, or your wife do or does, given your examples, will make a kid softer or weaker or or or.

As long as kids have a healthy family dynamic, love and support from both parents, the kid/s will turn out to be who and what they are. Unless you physically abuse or neglect a child, nothing you do as per your examples is going to change the kid one way or the other.

You are overthinking this. You do you and let your wife do her. There is no wrong or right. Focus on giving the child the best both of you can without trying to force the one to adapt to the other. The kids will turn out how the kid turns out. Simple as that. I know, I raised 5 xD

 

[ShaunSA]

OK guys it's Friday. Can you please put in some effort?

This is about as exciting as watching two drunks in a swing and miss contest

And... action!

 

[SlinkyMike]

It actually clearly illustrates your lack of interpretation skills. Triggered much as always. Already got my licence after doing it for 9 years, thanks.

Twenty two years here, enough experience to know that experience isn't a key metric.

You could have raised ten kids to adulthood and still be an antivaxx kook weirdo ranting about soyboys online.

 

[maumau]

My boy is advanced and was born just shy of 6kg and 60cm. He's needed twice of everything a normal-sized baby would. He drinks 150ml bottle of milk with no problem. The first month was wake ups every 2 - 3 hours. The next two weeks were every 4 - 6 hours. And now it's 8 - 10 hours at night.

Having a large baby

A baby weighing more than 4.5kg at birth is considered a large baby (fetal macrosomia). Here's what to expect if your baby is larger-than-average.

www.pregnancybirthbaby.org.au

 

[capd]

Having a large baby

A baby weighing more than 4.5kg at birth is considered a large baby (fetal macrosomia). Here's what to expect if your baby is larger-than-average.

www.pregnancybirthbaby.org.au

He's big due to genetics and because we went 2 weeks over, where babies pick up around 800g per week. No other reason, and no complications either.

 

[Slamz]

Agreed.

Interestingly, ironically, and conversely, she is exactly the same about bugs. But we have a rule in our home where we don't kill any creatures except flies and mozzies (don't have any ants).

A tiny moth is enough to send her into a flat tail spin, which makes things interesting. She's become a lot better, and she can at least still sleep with a moth in the room now. It's likely been forced to an extent (but also my influence), because we now live in/on the cusp of nature, with loads of bugs and spiders.

The eldest followed her footsteps and would cry when a rain spider was in his room. In the beginning it was "Doom it!" – all mom's influence. I refused and now always get them out, and he even offers advice. He will even come up close with me to inspect them.

Really glad he's not sensitive to bugs anymore!

lol, its the same here, the mrs wants to kill everything and i'm just like, leave it be... its catching on abit, but sometimes it bites me in the arse coz they fly into her hair and stuff and the end of the world arrived lol...

 

[gotaway]

Of course, men and women will forever disagree on a variety of topics. When it comes to raising children, more often than not men seem to want to do what they feel is best for children in making them stronger, where women seem to want what they feel is best in making them feel more comfortable. This seems to be linked to our biology, men being the protectors, women the carers, and so on.

In my view, and I'm sure many women will also agree, a balance of both is necessary. The question boils down to strength vs comfort potentially being at loggerheads in a child's development.

Personally, I have a newborn boy, and while her and I are mostly on the same page with all decisions, we disagree on certain ones. I am very much into giving my boy more than what others would, in order to give him the edge over his peers one day. I like the idea of a smart and sporty A-team cricket and rugby player (or which ever sports they enjoy).

Moving on, he baths every night or every other night (as an aside, mostly in water only and without organic soap/shampoo), at a temperature of 36 - 37'C. At first, I agreed with this, as I tend to leave most of these early development decisions up to her. It felt warm, and not hot. Great, baby will be safe and happy.

I found that after every bath, once moved to his towel and in either of our arms and up close after bathing him, that he would cry, usually through his nappy change until being after being clothed again. Her reason is usually that he's tired, and at times, that he's cold, and at other times that he's not enjoying his nappy change.

I then decided to experiment, while looking after him on my own on certain evenings. I always try to push him a little more than she does, for example helping him to roll over, holding him for short bursts where his feet are on the ground so that his legs are exercised, dripping a little water over his face in the bath, etc.

On these few occasions, I've bathed him at a lower temperature of 31 - 32'C. He was just as happy throughout. And not once did he cry afterwards, after moving him to his towel.

TL/DR, without getting into the differences between boy and girl children (however you're welcome to comment on this below):

Do Women's Decisions Lead To Weaker, More Sensitive Children?

No but your choice might. You chose to enact a deed of procreation with this woman. The choice to start the process was yours. She chose the outcome.

Ideally you should have had a discussion with the mom about the way you (plural) want to raise you children together. Never too late to start dealing directly with her about petty things such as bath temperatures.

Realistically, if after a bath and a rectal thermometer temperature check, the young-ling is not having a feverishly high temperature, all should be fine.

So man up, own up and life by your decisions, or lack thereof.

 

[capd]

No but your choice might. You chose to enact a deed of procreation with this woman. The choice to start the process was yours. She chose the outcome.

Ideally you should have had a discussion with the mom about the way you (plural) want to raise you children together. Never too late to start dealing directly with her about petty things such as bath temperatures.

Realistically, if after a bath and a rectal thermometer temperature check, the young-ling is not having a feverishly high temperature, all should be fine.

So man up, own up and life by your decisions, or lack thereof.

Don’t get me wrong and please do read all my posts to understand a little more if you haven’t already. We’re on the exact same page 99% of the time and there are no issues there, nor pettiness. I happily let her make most of the decisions, which I owe to her instincts, and which I agree with.

What I’m explaining is certain minor factors that women tend to decide based on comfort, versus men based on strength, which added up over time, may lead to a stronger/easier/more tolerant/less sensitive/fewer sensory issues child, and so on. It’s not “toughening up” or being too harsh, cruel, or unkind or unthoughtful towards baby, in any way.

The bath issue is just one of these areas, where perhaps if adjusted slightly in favour of strength, could actually develop a stronger baby, against mom’s intuition focussing on comfort.

That is my question. And it has nothing to do with satisfying my own desires or “living vicariously through my child”, as certain ones have strangely misinterpreted.

 

[RunningFromFat]

Yoh having kids sounds hectic yoh
Yoh yoh.

 

[capd]

Yoh having kids sounds hectic yoh
Yoh yoh.

Some people really struggle. Some find it gets easier, and others more difficult. A friend had a baby and could not handle it, was booked in to a clinic for months, leaving her partner and his mom to raise the child for the first 6 months.

Thankfully we’ve understood our babies and have done the research, so they’ve been a breeze.

Found yourself a woman who is a natural mother, if you haven’t already.

 

[RunningFromFat]

Some people really struggle. Some find it gets easier, and others more difficult. A friend had a baby and could not handle it, was booked in to a clinic for months, leaving her partner and his mom to raise the child for the first 6 months.

Thankfully we’ve understood our babies and have done the research, so they’ve been a breeze.

Found yourself a woman who is a natural mother, if you haven’t already.

children are cringe, no thanks

 

[capd]

children are cringe, no thanks

Also used to think the same and never wanted kids.

 

[Sepeng]

Absolutely. But do you not think minor changes in pursuit of strength may have a positive effect on widening the gap between children and their peers? Bath water temperature is one of many aspects where these types of changes could be made, much like my other example of my baby not needing warmed bottle milk and happily drinking room or fridge temperature. Do you not think this could lead to strength/advantages, even subtle ones? I'm not trying to be pedantic or overthink the bath issue. It's just an example that's gotten me thinking, which I thought I'd discuss.

No idea. Maybe, in the same way hugging them 1 time less a day might make them leaner and meaner. But I'd argue the end result to be so slight as to not warrant the effort.
There's a scene in Big Bang Theory where Sheldon is asked if he'd have done better if his mum was all hardcore and withheld affection and all that. His reply was "Perhaps. But my mum cut up hot-dogs and put them in my spaghetti so who cares".
There's big things we can do as parents to help our children. Then there's smaller things. Then there's things that maybe make a difference, maybe they don't, but might just interfere with the big things which means they're actually harmful in the long run.

in order to give him the edge over his peers one day.

I've never followed the pack

I'm certainly the more intelligent one by most measures.

and from other threads...

The Effects of YouTube & Streamers on Raising Young Superheroes (And Other Questions)

What are your thoughts on raising children when it comes to YouTube and streamers? In my case I have an 8-year-old boy (stepson) who has slowly begun watching more and more nonsense on YouTube with no educational/value whatsoever, with a mother who doesn't quite understand what I believe to be...

mybroadband.co.za

I want to raise a Superhero who can fend for himself in this cruel world, and not someone average.

I’m raising a Superhero who I refuse to allow to grow up to be just another average brick in the wall.

Look we all want what's best for our child and we'll all have our own ways of doing that. The fact that you're here and thinking about these things means you're invested and that's a good thing.
But for me, intent is very important. Why do we do things? Do I send my child for extra football lessons because I once played football and I want to brag to my friends about my son being in the A team and better than his friends, or do I do it because my son really likes football, wants to play as much as possible and I want him to be the best version of himself? There's a difference I think, even if the actions seem the same.
I mean, refusing allowing your child to be another average brick in the wall? Like I"m not sure what this means - what if they're happy and average? I'd argue if you're in this world and happy and kind you're already way above average. But again, comes down to intent for me. If you're happy with the intent behinds your decisions you're on your way.

Raising a child is like trying to hold a butterfly in your hand - squeeze to tight and you'll crush it.
But like someone else said, I'm no professional. I'm just another dad giving their viewpoint. I know as much as the next dad.

 

[MagNorthDigital]

At OP, play some God Of War 2018...