Just face off, already
SO YOU’RE ON Facebook, are you? So is a paranoid drunk called “Thabo Mbeki,” a sex fiend called “Alex Jay” and “Robert Mugabe” – more precisely, scores of Robert Mugabes. Only Robert Mugabe’s profiles come close to the real thing, thanks to the fact that you can throw almost any epithet at Bonkers Bob and it will stick.
So Facebook, the most visited site in South Africa, and its ilk are changing the world, hey? There’s not a corner of the globe, an aspect of modern life or a person in the world that will be left untouched by Facebook, we’re told. It’s a social, technological, political revolution. And email is going the way of the compact disc thanks to Facebook – why would you send someone an email and hope it makes it through spam filters and automatic deletes when you can poke him or her? Why send an SMS when you can tickle him or her?
And don’t forget the new new thing called Twitter (won’t go into it. I get irritated just thinking about someone twittering about what they had for lunch, which appears to be twits’ primary interest).
Facebook is going to save the planet. No more carbon emissions and getting into aircraft because we can tickle, poke and goodness knows what else right inside Facebook. You won’t find a job, a partner or have sex ever again if you’re not on Facebook. You’ll die lonely and frustrated if you’re not on Facebook. No – you’re already dead.
Whereas before your rank in society may have been predicated on your involvement in the community, your job or how much money you have, now all that counts is how many friends you have on Facebook.
Facebook started life as a service to varsity goers, hence widespread nudge-nudge, wink-wink student humour and the practice of first being poked before you can invite someone to be your friend.
Yet researchers, commentators and thought leaders (the only people I find scarier than the thought police) tell us Facebook will end dictatorships, censorship and be the foundation of a new democracy. Who’s got the most Facebook friends? Yahoo! Paris Hilton’s going to be the next US president. Signing on to Facebook is a lot like going to your high school reunion.
Suddenly someone who you hardly remember wants to be your friend again. A friend who wants you to join his pyramid scheme and help him sell Avon washing detergent, that is. Or out of the blue an old flame wishes to rekindle things and sets up a fan club in your honour. How do you digitally ditch someone? By asking them to stop poking you? (You see, it doesn’t take long before you regress to an adolescent mindset – Facebook’s founder is still only 23, for Pete’s sake.)
The latest Internet chatter (almost said twitter) is that Google won’t stop at You Tube in its efforts to rule the social web. It’s planning to take Google Earth and turn it into a virtual world to be populated by virtual people. It would be like a location-based three-dimensional version of Facebook the size of our planet.
Like everyone else, I’ve wondered how the (real) world will end. Doesn’t look as if it’ll be with a bang or a whimper. It’ll just end virtually. And you can poke me on that.
Finweek
Loading ...