Anger management - Is a psychologist the answer?

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MisterBigglesworth

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Hi everyone,

Well just some background info, Im a bit hot tempered. Been told by a few people I have aggression issues (not physical - but I can go off at a tangent and was told I come across as aggressive and intimidating when angry - who doesn't, right...must be the way it happens I guess, as I cant see it).

Anyways, I managed to sort this out many years ago myself and have been fine...no issues over the last 10 or so years. But over the last few months, I feel my fuse is a lot shorter. Takes less to get me irritable and angry. I have noticed, not often though, that I have easily snapped etc and Im concerned the past is surfacing again. I dont want to go down that road or visit that person again.

So, Im really all new to this kinda thing but can anyone recommend a good psychologist? Should I rather go an anger management meeting (I assume they have these like AA meetings - sorry for the noob questions). I just feel I need to get this sorted before it surfaces again...and I dont know where to start :(
 
I keep on telling my brother to do sports to get rid of his negative energy. Often people who don't exercise, which would be my next question to you, become unbalanced and agitated. If you have lots of crap at work or other things that make you angry and you don't get rid of this buildup by exhausting yourself physical, it can get too much and people become short fused.

So if that sounds familiar I suggest you go for a run until you have no energy left. Often this is the advice that you get from psychologists as well, also when you are sad. Running helps a lot.

However, this is of course not a cure but only a way to make you feel better temporarily. If you think your aggression has underlying causes then you have to talk it through with a shrink. Short fused people are not nice to be around with (no offense) and I find it great that you want to change this.

Or you have a good friend that you can trust and tell him about it. Talking will help in any case. I could ask you some questions now but I don't think that's something you wanna discuss publicly.
 
It’s a broad subject – it could be psychological or an actually irregularity in the brain or chemical imbalance
Ive heard that often people who suffer from unexplainable outbursts my even suffer from temporal lobe epilepsy
You have taken the biggest step in recognizing there is a problem so good for you on that
I would find a psychologist as a first step and it will likely end up going to a psychiatrist
There would be many tests and psychiatrist aare ridiculously expensive so ready the medical aid
It is very important that it is diagnosed correctly as medication for uncontrollable behavior(should you need it)
is rather altering and have huge side effects
One thing to note about aggression is that often the person who suffers from it doesn’t know the severity.
Someone very dear to me suffers from anger so I have been somewhat exposed to its causes and treatments
So I would definitely seek profession halp because in truth it makes you a better person seeking the answer rather than pretending there is no spoon :)
 
Anony-mousse said:
I keep on telling my brother to do sports to get rid of his negative energy. Often people who don't exercise, which would be my next question to you, become unbalanced and agitated. If you have lots of crap at work or other things that make you angry and you don't get rid of this buildup by exhausting yourself physical, it can get too much and people become short fused.

So if that sounds familiar I suggest you go for a run until you have no energy left. Often this is the advice that you get from psychologists as well, also when you are sad. Running helps a lot.

However, this is of course not a cure but only a way to make you feel better temporarily. If you think your aggression has underlying causes then you have to talk it through with a shrink. Short fused people are not nice to be around with (no offense) and I find it great that you want to change this.

Or you have a good friend that you can trust and tell him about it. Talking will help in any case. I could ask you some questions now but I don't think that's something you wanna discuss publicly.
Click to expand...

Pretty much hit the nail on the head there. I have picked up weight and am starting to exercise again (haven't been running in years, just started to exercise a few days ago - been tough starting again...sheesh).

I think you really have a point there...I remember when I was running marathons etc...it def helped. Thanks for this, it didnt even occur to me until I read your response. Will be making more effort to get on the road again! :D Going to try this first ;)
 
Murdoc said:
It’s a broad subject – it could be psychological or an actually irregularity in the brain or chemical imbalance
Ive heard that often people who suffer from unexplainable outbursts my even suffer from temporal lobe epilepsy
You have taken the biggest step in recognizing there is a problem so good for you on that
I would find a psychologist as a first step and it will likely end up going to a psychiatrist
There would be many tests and psychiatrist aare ridiculously expensive so ready the medical aid
It is very important that it is diagnosed correctly as medication for uncontrollable behavior(should you need it)
is rather altering and have huge side effects
One thing to note about aggression is that often the person who suffers from it doesn’t know the severity.
Someone very dear to me suffers from anger so I have been somewhat exposed to its causes and treatments
So I would definitely seek profession halp because in truth it makes you a better person seeking the answer rather than pretending there is no spoon :)
Click to expand...

Thanks for the detailed reply, much appreciated ;) Im going to keep this in mind for future. I want to give the exercise option a try first. I have missed my running, and it did help as I recall.
 
are you not able to "switch off" to what is making you annoyed? e.g. if a specific person is annoying you can you not just look through that person? eventually you will learn to switch off to whoever is annoying you. obviously if it is something that is important i.e. work related you can't do this but if it is something trivial try switching off. don't answer back this will annoy that person even more and you won't feel anger.
 
Celine said:
are you not able to "switch off" to what is making you annoyed? e.g. if a specific person is annoying you can you not just look through that person? eventually you will learn to switch off to whoever is annoying you. obviously if it is something that is important i.e. work related you can't do this but if it is something trivial try switching off. don't answer back this will annoy that person even more and you won't feel anger.
Click to expand...

Some days are better than others. When stuff starts building, it just gets pushed back..but eventually the weight becomes too much, and ja well...it then takes the smallest thing and it all comes crashing down...

I think the issue is I dont have an outlet...like I used to have. I would previously just run it off...I recon it will help ;)
 
CrazyFig said:
Pretty much hit the nail on the head there. I have picked up weight and am starting to exercise again (haven't been running in years, just started to exercise a few days ago - been tough starting again...sheesh).

I think you really have a point there...I remember when I was running marathons etc...it def helped. Thanks for this, it didnt even occur to me until I read your response. Will be making more effort to get on the road again! :D Going to try this first ;)
Click to expand...

I found that active exercising and sufficient relaxing time helps with mine. Funny that I also find that excessive salt intake also effects my "mood-swings". There are so many factors that can also effect you, stress being a big one. Last year I was having a rather bad "anger" year even though I was cycling each day for at least an hour. Ended up causing serious problems in my marriage, very serious. We went for marriage counseling and that was the start of things getting better for me.

If your a church going person, then speak to your church about counseling as they often offer it for free in either group or individual sessions. We found it very helpful and it was not faux faith-healing stuff.
 
Ok I have to say – dealing with the angry is important. Burying the angry is the worst thing you can do. Not only does it build up and eventual pop. But something I really believe in is
emotions have the potential to manifest in physical ways. Studys show that people who shout a lot suffer from cardiac arrest (citation needed Im no Doc ) less. And people who keep stuff in are prone to cancers and pain …all sorts
Controlling angry is the controversy of it all. I would definitely consider that. Its not really about controlling it but more dealing with the underline stuff. This is in regard to serious issues , like daddy issues , abuse type thing.

If you wish to self treat it , Chamomile Tea can help and the bacher remedy flower thing Ive heard good things about.
These things did not help my friend thou. Who issue was an alcoholic and abusive father.
But Chamomile tea helps me deal with the a$shole boss of mine ;p
 
CrazyFig said:
Pretty much hit the nail on the head there. I have picked up weight and am starting to exercise again (haven't been running in years, just started to exercise a few days ago - been tough starting again...sheesh).

I think you really have a point there...I remember when I was running marathons etc...it def helped. Thanks for this, it didnt even occur to me until I read your response. Will be making more effort to get on the road again! :D Going to try this first ;)
Click to expand...

You are welcome. You will feel better very soon. Even the fact that you now accepted that something is not right should already make you feel better. It all starts with feeling good about yourself, then you also won't lose your cool.
 
Anony-mousse said:
I keep on telling my brother to do sports to get rid of his negative energy. Often people who don't exercise, which would be my next question to you, become unbalanced and agitated. If you have lots of crap at work or other things that make you angry and you don't get rid of this buildup by exhausting yourself physical, it can get too much and people become short fused.

So if that sounds familiar I suggest you go for a run until you have no energy left. Often this is the advice that you get from psychologists as well, also when you are sad. Running helps a lot.

However, this is of course not a cure but only a way to make you feel better temporarily. If you think your aggression has underlying causes then you have to talk it through with a shrink. Short fused people are not nice to be around with (no offense) and I find it great that you want to change this.

Or you have a good friend that you can trust and tell him about it. Talking will help in any case. I could ask you some questions now but I don't think that's something you wanna discuss publicly.
Click to expand...

Agreed!

I need to exercise if I don't exercise for a couple of days I become irritated pretty easy, so I try to exercise everyday.
 
I'm sure exercise can help but aggression problems usually stem from not dealing properly with situations that annoy you.

I also have a short fuse but I generally come off as calm and polite to the point that people think I'm a push over. And people being what they are there's always some ******* who thinks they should try their luck. Which is when I get scary and they **** their pants.Of course then I'm branded the *******.

It doesn't happen often or at all anymore but when I think back on the times that it has I realise that no one got what they didn't deserve. It was always a case of someone thinking they could bully or manipulate me then crapping themselves when they realised they just ****ed with the wrong nice guy. The truth is I'm not a nice guy. I'm polite and respectful and helpful. In other words a decent human being but not a doormat or punching bag.

These days I've learnt to tell people calmly and rationally that they need to back off, or stop ****ing me around instead of just sucking it up until I crack and rip someone a new one.

So, just ignoring peoples **** is ideal but for people with a bit of a temper not such a good idea.

Does any of that ring true OP?
 
Thanks for the replies everyone, most look to hint at exercising. Things are not bad at all in terms of anger etc...I just wanna make sure I stop it from getting back to what it was...and all the replies have helped, thats for sure. I have a wealth of options now, and I great appreciate each comment...the humorous ones too (Im thankful I dont own a gun! :P )

Nick333 said:
I'm sure exercise can help but aggression problems usually stem from not dealing properly with situations that annoy you.

I also have a short fuse but I generally come off as calm and polite to the point that people think I'm a push over. And people being what they are there's always some ******* who thinks they should try their luck. Which is when I get scary and they **** their pants.Of course then I'm branded the *******.

It doesn't happen often or at all anymore but when I think back on the times that it has I realise that no one got what they didn't deserve. It was always a case of someone thinking they could bully or manipulate me then crapping themselves when they realised they just ****ed with the wrong nice guy. The truth is I'm not a nice guy. I'm polite and respectful and helpful. In other words a decent human being but not a doormat or punching bag.

These days I've learnt to tell people calmly and rationally that they need to back off, or stop ****ing me around instead of just sucking it up until I crack and rip someone a new one.

So, just ignoring peoples **** is ideal but for people with a bit of a temper not such a good idea.

Does any of that ring true OP?
Click to expand...

It does, to be honest. When I lose my temper, I seem to do it in "style" (not a compliment, the opposite). Many people have said they would never have suspected Im like that, but I too come off as: calm, polite, friendly, passive...

Anyways...I WILL get this sorted now! :)
 
CrazyFig said:
It does, to be honest. When I lose my temper, I seem to do it in "style" (not a compliment, the opposite). Many people have said they would never have suspected Im like that, but I too come off as: calm, polite, friendly, passive...

Anyways...I WILL get this sorted now! :)
Click to expand...

Well, Im being sort of presumptuous obviously but I'm guessing you're suppressing something. Running may help burn off excess energy but its not going to solve the problem on its own.

My advise is don't be too hard on yourself about it. It doesn't make you a bad person (even some people will think so) it just makes you a sometimes scary one.

Next time somebody pisses you off tell them how they are pissing you off. If a waiter messes up your order just tell him he messed up your order and let him fix it for you instead of putting up with it even though it really pisses you off. That sort of thing.
 
CrazyFig said:
Thanks for the replies everyone, most look to hint at exercising. Things are not bad at all in terms of anger etc...I just wanna make sure I stop it from getting back to what it was...and all the replies have helped, thats for sure. I have a wealth of options now, and I great appreciate each comment...the humorous ones too (Im thankful I dont own a gun! :P )
Click to expand...

Lance Armstrong said in his bio his mom used to let him cycle and run as much as possible as he also had a temper problem growing up. So exercise is important :p

CrazyFig said:
It does, to be honest. When I lose my temper, I seem to do it in "style" (not a compliment, the opposite). Many people have said they would never have suspected Im like that, but I too come off as: calm, polite, friendly, passive...

Anyways...I WILL get this sorted now! :)
Click to expand...

Sounds a lot like me :eek:
 
actually roger federer had anger problems as well. he had to get over that quickly if he wanted to start winning tournaments. i guess it worked wonders whatever he did. maybe a gander would do the trick.
 
Why not try a counselor first?Would be cheaper and they should recommend you to someone 'higher' if needs be.
 
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