Anger Management

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ChocolateBadger

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I have a problem that I can't control. It's maybe a sick desire so hurt people. Not physically but mentally. To completely become assertive over them. I really think I should see a therapist.

I'm generally a calm and controlled person in everyday life. It takes a lot for something to get to me but when it does, I completely lose it and I would say the most hurtful and horrible things with the intent to destroy that person on the inside. I hate that I do it but the weird thing is I don't feel bad for doing it. Only if that person completely shuts me out because of it, I feel bad for it.

It is a huge problem in my relationships because, like what happened in my last relationship, if it feels unfair or if my pride gets hurt, I would retaliate by hurting that person by saying hurtful things an attacking at their weakest parts. Mentally of course. I would never ever physically hurt a woman no matter the context.

Sad to say that lead to our break up. Speaking to my family, my anger has become a real problem. So I'm thinking of seeking therapy to sort out my thought process and manage my anger in a healthy way.

Does anyone here also have a similar problem or some constructive advice?
 
i'm the same way. just learn to bite your tongue...and seek help cause if you don't know how to control it you will start to get physical if you feel the mental hurt isn't doing enough.
 
Yup, you've realised the problem which is the biggest part I guess, there are many people who can hopefully help you! Good luck I hope that you can work on your issue!
 
It is a huge problem in my relationships because, like what happened in my last relationship, if it feels unfair or if my pride gets hurt, I would retaliate by hurting that person by saying hurtful things an attacking at their weakest parts. Mentally of course. I would never ever physically hurt a woman no matter the context.
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Do you think it's worse?
Not haing a go, just provoking thought....
 
WoDotNant? said:
Do you think it's worse?
Not haing a go, just provoking thought....
Click to expand...

If you are thinking I threaten physical violence, I don't. That's a line I would not cross, or even go near.

It's more an attack on that persons weakness. Things they not good at or their bad traits. Like things people would consider rude or hurtful to tell someone.
 
TJ99 said:
From what you said, I assume you would have no problem physically hurting men then? Any reason for this?
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Not more than anyone else would on this forum. I don't pick fights, I try my best to avoid physical fights but if a dude swung a punch, of course I would defend myself.
 
ChocolateBadger said:
If you are thinking I threaten physical violence, I don't. That's a line I would not cross, or even go near.

It's more an attack on that persons weakness. Things they not good at or their bad traits. Like things people would consider rude or hurtful to tell someone.
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I meant... you said you will never threaten physical violence. My Q is - is that only because you don't want to break the law, or because you think it's worse? Or will it just make you look worse?
 
WoDotNant? said:
I meant... you said you will never threaten physical violence. My Q is - is that only because you don't want to break the law, or because you think it's worse? Or will it just make you look worse?
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I think its worse. Like I think everything is bad, hence seeking help and wanting to sort it out. I don't care how it makes me look.
 
ChocolateBadger said:
Not more than anyone else would on this forum. I don't pick fights, I try my best to avoid physical fights but if a dude swung a punch, of course I would defend myself.
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That sounds perfectly reasonable, I was just wondering why you singled women out.
 
ChocolateBadger said:
I think its worse. Like I think everything is bad, hence seeking help and wanting to sort it out. I don't care how it makes me look.
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Sure, I see that, but I honestly think you likely don't understand it from the woman's point of view. Sometimes it's easier to write off physical abuse and move on than emotional. It's not a rule, but I think it might help a little if you could get a glimpse of the damage done. Not saying you don't care, just suggesting it's sometimes not as obvious as physical, yet still as painful if not more.
Big up for taking steps to deal with it, now go see someone professional if you can.
 
WoDotNant? said:
Sure, I see that, but I honestly think you likely don't understand it from the woman's point of view. Sometimes it's easier to write off physical abuse and move on than emotional. It's not a rule, but I think it might help a little if you could get a glimpse of the damage done. Not saying you don't care, just suggesting it's sometimes not as obvious as physical, yet still as painful if not more.
Big up for taking steps to deal with it, now go see someone professional if you can.
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I fully understand that. That's why I have to get help. Emotionally I cross lines but I struggle to see where those lines are. My ex begged me to see her feelings but I just couldn't, not because I didn't want to, just I couldn't understand. I never knew when I went too far.
 
ChocolateBadger said:
I think because of the context of the paragraph with my past relationship being in there.
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But you did say "no matter what the context", implying that whereas you would hurt a man that hurt you first, you wouldn't do the same with a woman.

Does this extend to the mental harm you're talking about? Because you don't make it clear what you're retaliating to. Just the word "retaliating" makes it clear that you aren't just doing it out of malice but that you have been attacked first.
 
TJ99 said:
But you did say "no matter what the context", implying that whereas you would hurt a man that hurt you first, you wouldn't do the same with a woman.

Does this extend to the mental harm you're talking about? Because you don't make it clear what you're retaliating to. Just the word "retaliating" makes it clear that you aren't just doing it out of malice but that you have been attacked first.
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It's a pride thing. I think I take myself too seriously. If someone had to make a comment, I'm fine. But if someone were to embarrass me or attack something close to my heart, I go straight for the throat, so to speak.
 
ChocolateBadger said:
I fully understand that. That's why I have to get help. Emotionally I cross lines but I struggle to see where those lines are. My ex begged me to see her feelings but I just couldn't, not because I didn't want to, just I couldn't understand. I never knew when I went too far.
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I recommend watching 'A tale of two brains' by Mark Gungor... gives awesome insight into why Men and Women are so different and why Women tend to think and do everything with more emotion than men... and hence why emotional abuse really hurts them. You can likely find it on torrents... seriously worth a watch!

*EDIT*
[video=youtube;3XjUFYxSxDk]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XjUFYxSxDk[/video]
 
WoDotNant? said:
I recommend watching 'A tale of two brains' by Mark Gungor... gives awesome insight into why Men and Women are so different and why Women tend to think and do everything with more emotion than men... and hence why emotional abuse really hurts them. You can likely find it on torrents... seriously worth a watch!

*EDIT*
[video=youtube;3XjUFYxSxDk]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XjUFYxSxDk[/video]
Click to expand...

Thanks :) will have a watch
 
ChocolateBadger said:
It's a pride thing. I think I take myself too seriously. If someone had to make a comment, I'm fine. But if someone were to embarrass me or attack something close to my heart, I go straight for the throat, so to speak.
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Well without knowing you or the other person, it's hard to say who's really at fault. It might be you overreacting, or it might be that she also attacked you knowing exactly what your weak spots are.

I'm obviously no psychologist myself, but I just find it hard to believe that someone who doesn't use physical violence has an actual anger problem. Some anger is justified. But then again, maybe a professional might be what you need and you'd obviously know better if your pride is causing problems than some random dude on a forum would.
 
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