LOS ANGELES. Just days after she apologised for auctioning off a meeting with Nelson Mandela without asking his permission, actress Charlize Theron has admitted that she also tried to sell a cuddle with Desmond Tutu and a dry-hump with Julius Malema. Sources confirmed that the highest bid for Malema had been $1.30, from Malema himself.
Theron, who won an Oscar in Phony for her portrayal of Charlize, a small-town South African girl whose nasal delivery and large pout fool audiences into believing she can act, has denied that she is running a high-class escort service featuring South African political icons.
According to her spokesman, Mandible Claw, Theron regretted trying to auction the visit with Mandela, in which bidders had been offered a chance to sit on his lap, have Madiba dust sprinkled over them that would make them live forever, and have baby fawns eat from their hands while little birds flew around in the flower wreath on Mandela's head.
However, when pushed by journalists he also conceded that there had been other abortive attempts to auction off "the affections and attentions of leading South African policymakers".
"Yes, Archbishop Desmond Tutu was on the bill," said Claw. "We marketed that hook-up as 'One On One Equals Tutu'. Charlize came up with that herself."
