Cheaters

superB said:
No but I've made impulsive decisions that I later regret and come to think of as a mistake. The mistake in my mind being that I should never have chosen to go down that particular road.

mis·take (m-stk)
n.
1. An error or fault resulting from defective judgment, deficient knowledge, or carelessness.
2. A misconception or misunderstanding.

We have all found ourselves in situations of impaired or defective judgement to some degree or another. I am not making infidelity acceptable but I am trying to be objective. People make bad choices. Sometimes those choices are made because judgement is clouded by any number of things. Once again, not license to go out there and jump in the sack with some random because you are drunk. But yes, good people make bad choices based on bad judgement. If their actions were not malicious or 100% intentional, then yes, I could see it as a mistake.
Click to expand...

I disagree. I would not call infidelity a mistake.
 
BT6LW - You are obviously entitled to believe as you choose and I too have that luxury. I'd just like to make clear that I am not talking about getting pissed and getting off with some guy / girl in a parking lot or meeting someone on fb or mxit or some such place and then hooking up and going 'oops i didnt mean to sleep with him/her'. That is infidelity borne out of a lack of regard or respect for your partner in which case be my guest - there's the door.

But I dont think anybody on this forum is completely innocent. We all say things in anger and then regret and wished that we could take back what we said. Nobody forced us to say those things but being human we are volatile and passionate beings. There are many people in this world who are governed not by higher functioning inhibitions and advanced reasoning, but rather by basic instinctual emotions. Anger, fear, sadness etc etc. If you can honestly tell me thatyou have never made a mistake when you were feeling overwhelmed, then you have the right (in my eyes) to judge. If you have made a mistake though, then I dont believe you can judge. You have every right to stand up for yourself and say 'I do not accept XYZ behaviour from my partner' - that is your perogative. But no, I dont feel like you have the right to judge. Your mistakes may have taken on a different form. That doesnt make them any better or any worse.

I know that I am going to get completely shut down for this post, but so be it. I know a lot of good people who have made bad choices. If the entire world was as judgemental as some of the people on this forum (and no, BT6LW I'm not refering to you or anyone in particular) then there would be an entire section of the population being treated as social paraiha. Oh wait, they already are.

Those in glass houses...
 
superB - let me see if I understand you correctly?


You state that you are not talking about

"I'd just like to make clear that I am not talking about getting pissed and getting off with some guy / girl in a parking lot or meeting someone on fb or mxit or some such place and then hooking up and going 'oops i didnt mean to sleep with him/her'."

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However - we are talking about a partner cheating.... exactly what kind of cheating are you condoning due to it being a misstake?/
 
BT6LW said:
superB - let me see if I understand you correctly?


You state that you are not talking about

"I'd just like to make clear that I am not talking about getting pissed and getting off with some guy / girl in a parking lot or meeting someone on fb or mxit or some such place and then hooking up and going 'oops i didnt mean to sleep with him/her'."

---------

However - we are talking about a partner cheating.... exactly what kind of cheating are you condoning due to it being a misstake?/
Click to expand...

Firtsly condoning is the wrong word. I dony condone cheating. The question was: would you stay or go if your partner cheated? I am saying that under certain circuimstances I would stand by my partner if he cheated and I would choose to work through the problems and hopefully rebuild and forgive. It entirely depends (IMO) on what the circumstances around the infidelity are.

e.g. I was recently in a treatment center for some issues that I was having. Before I had gone in I had a discussion with my partner. There was a misunderstanding and because of my limited access to the outside world I didnt fully understand that my partner now considered himself single (I thought we were on hold while I was intreatment - long story). I on the otehr hand was holding on to the thought that we would pick up where we left off when I came out. Had he been intimate with another woman during my treatment I would have considered it cheating. The lines, however, were really blurry so he perhaps wouldnt have agreed with me. In this circumstance I would stay and work through it.

I have a friend who suffers from a mental illness. Some of her BF's have understood and stood by her even when she made horrendous choices. Some didnt and left at the first sign of trouble. But I also know that when she gets sick or has an episode she isnt in full control of her faculties. This is not only about infidelity in her case, but the concept applies across the board to me. If I were her partner I would stay and hopefully work around the bad and build with the good.

Your average chump who just thinks he can notch 'em up on his bedstand is a ****er. I'm not supporting him or is female counterparts. What i am trying to say though is that there are mitigating circumstances sometimes and I would take that into account before just walking out the door.

Plus, I think so many people these days give up so easily. If you love someone FIGHT for them. Dont just stand back and let things fizzle out.
 
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