Commitment issues

genetic

genetic

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I've been unofficially seeing this girl for a year now, and recently she's been forcing the issue of commitment. I love her very much, but I feel I'm not ready to commit. Last night she demanded an answer out of me, and she said all or nothing. So when I told I need more time and I was not ready, she said she regrets every single moment she waited for me, then proceeded to block my calls and has since flatly ignored me.

We had a rocky start to our unofficial relationship where she was seeing two guys at the same time - and came clean with me, which I respect her for doing.

She told me she was cheating on him with me, as she had started with him first. I gave her a chance, and this issue has since always come up during arguments and fights - I want to move away from this and I don't know if this is the reason why I can't commit to her yet.

I need more time to commit myself fully to her, but she is unwilling to wait. I think I've ruined it now anyway :(

What should I do?
 
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What do you mean by "commitment"? As in engagement? Or just, as the kids would say, "going steady"?
 
She wants sole access to the fun train. The love locomotive. The only kid in the lollipop store. Use the gear lever all by herself.
 
How long was she seeing the two of you at the same time? A month or two is forgivable, most of us have overlapped relationships at some point or the other.

You can't use this as an excuse not to commit either, because you chose to stay with her. Plus, how can you bring it up in arguments? Once issues are dealt with, they should remain in the past IMO, otherwise you can never move forward.
 
@ OP, it will hurt like hell for a long time, but it will hurt less than if she had eventually cheated on you. By not committing completely, you probably saved yourself from a whole lot of pain down the line.


Ms_S said:
How long was she seeing the two of you at the same time? A month or two is forgivable, most of us have overlapped relationships at some point or the other.
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W T F ?!?!

How on earth can it be forgivable? Would you want to commit if you were in the OP's position?
 
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genetic said:
I've been unofficially seeing this girl for a year now, ...

I need more time to commit myself fully to her, but she is unwilling to wait.

What should I do?
Click to expand...

I must admit that I find all of these " ... I need more time to commit myself fully to her ... " whines somewhat difficult to digest / comprehend.

You have been sharing her bed for a year. Why do you require more time ?

Best guess is that you feel that a better deal might come along, so you have one foot out the bed ... just in case.

What to do: grow up.

And, quite frankly, I don't blame her for one second.
 
rrh said:
I must admit that I find all of these " ... I need more time to commit myself fully to her ... " whines somewhat difficult to digest / comprehend.

You have been sharing her bed for a year. Why do you require more time ?

Best guess is that you feel that a better deal might come along, so you have one foot out the bed ... just in case.

What to do: grow up.

And, quite frankly, I don't blame her for one second.
Click to expand...

+1

I'd find the meme, but I don't feel like it, so I'll just type it.

If you think you'll be happy with a girl who cheated with her bf to be with you,
You're gonna have a bad time.

Also, you don't sound like a man ready for a relationship. You can't on the one hand say you love someone, but then on the other hand not commit to them - in whatever form is appropriate for your relationship at the time. Just move on and sort out your own issues before you hurt anyone else.
 
rrh said:
I must admit that I find all of these " ... I need more time to commit myself fully to her ... " whines somewhat difficult to digest / comprehend.

You have been sharing her bed for a year. Why do you require more time ?

Best guess is that you feel that a better deal might come along, so you have one foot out the bed ... just in case.

What to do: grow up.

And, quite frankly, I don't blame her for one second.
Click to expand...
This !
 
Cadavre777 said:
W T F ?!?!

How on earth can it be forgivable? Would you want to commit if you were in the OP's position?
Click to expand...

She told him which in my book is a +1 ie. Honesty. Overlap of a month or two is reasonable and is usually the case with most girls. Google monkey-branch theory.

rrh said:
I must admit that I find all of these " ... I need more time to commit myself fully to her ... " whines somewhat difficult to digest / comprehend.

You have been sharing her bed for a year. Why do you require more time ?

Best guess is that you feel that a better deal might come along, so you have one foot out the bed ... just in case.

What to do: grow up.

And, quite frankly, I don't blame her for one second.
Click to expand...

+10000

Nothing worse then a something better might come along attitude. Sounds like she was a pit-stop while you look for something better. If you can commit totally then call her, if you can't let her go and figure out why you can't/couldn't commit to her.
 
Nothing can be forced and if she's forcing you to commit (even with your issues), then she's not the one. Someone who loved you would have waited as long as you required. But there comes a point you have to realize they won't wait forever.

I think it's a good thing that happened. Let her be the one that break things/break communication. Remember, she's hurt by the fact that after a year you still can't commit (whatever it entails) and feels she wasted her time (again, someone who loves you will be able to go on for longer than just a year, I wonder now if she's like 40/almost over the hill anyway? lol)

Don't do anything. Figure out what is keeping you from fully committing in any relationship (not just this one) BEFORE you ask out a new lady and start dating her.
 
rrh said:
Best guess is that you feel that a better deal might come along, so you have one foot out the bed ... just in case.
Click to expand...

I think this is a female trait too ...
 
genetic said:
I've been unofficially seeing this girl for a year now, and recently she's been forcing the issue of commitment. I love her very much, but I feel I'm not ready to commit. Last night she demanded an answer out of me, and she said all or nothing. So when I told I need more time and I was not ready, she said she regrets every single moment she waited for me, then proceeded to block my calls and has since flatly ignored me.

We had a rocky start to our unofficial relationship where she was seeing two guys at the same time - and came clean with me, which I respect her for doing.

She told me she was cheating on him with me, as she had started with him first. I gave her a chance, and this issue has since always come up during arguments and fights - I want to move away from this and I don't know if this is the reason why I can't commit to her yet.

I need more time to commit myself fully to her, but she is unwilling to wait. I think I've ruined it now anyway :(

What should I do?
Click to expand...

She's manipulating you, always reminding of you of how she left him for you, making you feel like you owe her some sort of allegiance and debt of gratitude. If she was really into you, she wouldn't bring it up AT ALL. Ditch this one she's trouble and you are simply a commodity for her.
 
Beerisgood said:
She's manipulating you, always reminding of you of how she left him for you, making you feel like you owe her some sort of allegiance and debt of gratitude. If she was really into you, she wouldn't bring it up AT ALL. Ditch this one she's trouble and you are simply a commodity for her.
Click to expand...

He's been shagging her for a year.

She asks where the relationship is going.

And she's trouble ??

How do you treat your SO ?
 
Lets turn this around. I know a girl who waited for 8 years for a guy to propose to her and then he left her. She lost some of the best years of her life to that retard and honestly it was both of their fault. She should have left him after a year like your girl just did. The purpose of dating is to find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you are dating someone you know you will never marry you are being dishonest and stupid as it would serve you better in the long run to break it off and look for the person you really want to be with. It kills me how often I see guys in particular spending years in relationships with girls they never intend to settle down with as I can guarantee its not helping your or her life.

This problem does not happen often with people who remain celibate till after marriage but its extremely common amoung people who sleep together before marriage. Its fun to sleep with someone regardless if you like them or not and hence you have these weird and broken relationships where they are a couple living together where one (or both) of them don't ever want to tie the knot with the other. Its all about the sex. Seriously, dating should be about meeting new people, having some fun, but ultimately about finding someone who you love and who loves you and who is compatible for marriage. 90% of the time people know within a month or three if its a definite no. Only with a few cases is there still some uncertainty by 6 months. By a year you should either be committing or breaking it off.
 
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