We all have seen this one before, but it's still good.
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary
submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest.
The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for
a little something extra for my wife Julie..
What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser..
The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no
long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her
adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing!
I was disappointed.
I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn
spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really
needed to try this thing out on a flesh &blood moving target..
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a
second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.
But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, and taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your
assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a
major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make
your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water Any burst
longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5 inches
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded
with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible
way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side as to say, 'don't do it idiot,' reasoning that a one second
burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.
I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . .
WHAT THE F_ _K !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure The Hulk ran in through the side door, picke d me
up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over
and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position with tears in
my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be
found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and
tingling in my legs?
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a
picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to
avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap
yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from
your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor..
A three second burst would be considered conservative?
*(^%#@, THAT HURT !!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
originally was.
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I cr_pp_d myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my
sense of smell was gone.
I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for
their safe return!!
P. S.
My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!B
