Dealing with a passive aggressive friend

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envo

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One of my best friends can be very passive aggressive. I was wondering, if he causes a fight deliberately after I voiced my opinion on being treated a little better (like someone he has known for 23 years and not some douche he met yesterday), and he turns it around on me making me feel like I'm in the wrong, do I keep fighting about it or do I just let it go and accept that he is just like that and I shouldn't demand better treatment at all.

Some remarks from his side started making me think that his perception of me might be that I'm better than him somehow, whereas I treat him the way I'd like to be treated. It's a valid perception, and even though it might have been said out of a place of anger perhaps, maybe it has some truth to it. So instead of focussing on who is right, I'm trying to introspectively look at myself and how I act that may be construed as being "holier than thou"

Personally I think I'd just let it go, never bring it up again and let the whole situation ride it out until he gets over it (which may take a while) as I value our relationship enough to let it be. But does that tell him that I'm willing to back down and always be treated like I mean nothing to him?

#bromance
 
envo said:
One of my best friends can be very passive aggressive. I was wondering, if he causes a fight deliberately after I voiced my opinion on being treated a little better (like someone he has known for 23 years and not some douche he met yesterday), and he turns it around on me making me feel like I'm in the wrong, do I keep fighting about it or do I just let it go and accept that he is just like that and I shouldn't demand better treatment at all.

Some remarks from his side started making me think that his perception of me might be that I'm better than him somehow, whereas I treat him the way I'd like to be treated. It's a valid perception, and even though it might have been said out of a place of anger perhaps, maybe it has some truth to it. So instead of focussing on who is right, I'm trying to introspectively look at myself and how I act that may be construed as being "holier than thou"

Personally I think I'd just let it go, never bring it up again and let the whole situation ride it out until he gets over it (which may take a while) as I value our relationship enough to let it be. But does that tell him that I'm willing to back down and always be treated like I mean nothing to him?

#bromance
Click to expand...

Give us the full story.
 
envo said:
One of my best friends can be very passive aggressive. I was wondering, if he causes a fight deliberately after I voiced my opinion on being treated a little better (like someone he has known for 23 years and not some douche he met yesterday), and he turns it around on me making me feel like I'm in the wrong, do I keep fighting about it or do I just let it go and accept that he is just like that and I shouldn't demand better treatment at all.

Some remarks from his side started making me think that his perception of me might be that I'm better than him somehow, whereas I treat him the way I'd like to be treated. It's a valid perception, and even though it might have been said out of a place of anger perhaps, maybe it has some truth to it. So instead of focussing on who is right, I'm trying to introspectively look at myself and how I act that may be construed as being "holier than thou"

Personally I think I'd just let it go, never bring it up again and let the whole situation ride it out until he gets over it (which may take a while) as I value our relationship enough to let it be. But does that tell him that I'm willing to back down and always be treated like I mean nothing to him?

#bromance
Click to expand...
Fcck him. Literally and figuratively. I assume you're young so now is a good time to learn that people that make you feel less than are toxic and will suck the soul from you.

That's not a gay joke, Shaun.
 
I had a friend like that. I introduced him to the local prossie and bars and he was mostly agressive after that! Passive-Aggressive is a paint to bear with.
 
I kind of agree with nick here. It sounds as though he's chronically negative and you don't need that in your life. People either suck the energy from you or feed you when you're with them and you need to learn to choose to be with the latter kind. I don't have a whole lot of people in my life, but the ones I have, I always feel excited to see, and the ones that give me that feeling of dread when I need to be with them, I cut off.
 
hmm...I have the same issue with a friend of mine. We've been friends for 23 years as well

I'm sarcastic and everyone knows I am... He gets offended by it, even though it is extremely trivial.

Like on Tuesday, he asked me if I've eaten at the new Indian restaurant before, and I said yes, a lot. He then asks if it's nice and I said "Obviously" (as in I've eaten there a lot as stated...). He then get offended by that. Freakin annoying.

I just leave it till he cools down, which takes a few days.
 
Method said:
hmm...I have the same issue with a friend of mine. We've been friends for 23 years as well

I'm sarcastic and everyone knows I am... He gets offended by it, even though it is extremely trivial.

Like on Tuesday, he asked me if I've eaten at the new Indian restaurant before, and I said yes, a lot. He then asks if it's nice and I said "Obviously" (as in I've eaten there a lot as stated...). He then get offended by that. Freakin annoying.

I just leave it till he cools down, which takes a few days.
Click to expand...
In this case you would be the passive aggressive one.
 
envo said:
Some remarks from his side started making me think that his perception of me might be that I'm better than him somehow, whereas I treat him the way I'd like to be treated. It's a valid perception, and even though it might have been said out of a place of anger perhaps, maybe it has some truth to it. So instead of focussing on who is right, I'm trying to introspectively look at myself and how I act that may be construed as being "holier than thou"
Click to expand...

Perhaps you've been subtly condescending or dismissive of him without realizing it and he's picking up on it. If you value your friendship you owe it to yourself to do a thorough and honest self assessment of your own behavior before making a decision. Not saying that is the case but you don't want to come to the realization a few years down the line that you bear some responsibility for this.
 
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Method said:
hmm...I have the same issue with a friend of mine. We've been friends for 23 years as well

I'm sarcastic and everyone knows I am... He gets offended by it, even though it is extremely trivial.

Like on Tuesday, he asked me if I've eaten at the new Indian restaurant before, and I said yes, a lot. He then asks if it's nice and I said "Obviously" (as in I've eaten there a lot as stated...). He then get offended by that. Freakin annoying.

I just leave it till he cools down, which takes a few days.
Click to expand...

What a child.
 
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