Dealing with depression

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nkpza

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Hi all,

So after sacrificing his happiness for many years working in a crappy job he hated to provide stability (steady no-risk income) for me and my siblings, my dad has now been diagnosed with clinical depression and has been checked into hospital. I'm not a physch and there might be other reasons for his current condition (medical perhaps) but I have to think that gritting your teeth and just carrying on, sacrificing your own personal happiness and dreams for the sake of your family year after year also has it's limits...

I've learnt a huge lesson from this, you have to take care of yourself first and that starts with knowing yourself and your limits and making sure you do strive for the dreams you have in your heart because thats what gives you the fuel you need to carry on.

Anyway, just wanted to know if anyone else has been through something similar? How do you support someone through this? Also any suggestionson something I could do with my dad? 4x4ing, hikes etc?

Cheers
 
Interesting... I see friends wanting to get married and having babies at a young age. It makes one think to rather follow your dreams FIRST.
 
Take care of your dad. Get him out of hospital. And, unless you do this very often, just talk to him. Try and find out whether there are other things bothering him. Pm me with details if you feel like it. I'm no shrink but I have an apt for figuring out people and it seems that's what you want right now.
 
Get you father to do some exercise. Walking is excellent. The brain secretes endorphines that the body loves. It's a "feel-good" hormone.

Don't give your father any choice in the matter. He will not want to do it. You must be the ****ing drill-sergeant to get your father going.
 
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That was my dad basically except he's still that hardcore "I won't cry infront of anyone" type guy. He worked in a stable job that he hated because he had a family to support and couldn't follow his own dreams. If you think about it the early 70's was still that stinge of "do the right thing, do the safe thing" blablabla.

a scene from Fight Club pops into my head:

"So I called my dad, what do I do now? And he said, I don't know, get married..."

My feeling is your dad pushed it too far for too long because of his sense of committment to you guys. I'm not sure if he still needs to take care of any of you, but give him a chance to express who he is and do what he wants to do, however silly. He might even be embarrassed about it.

My dad had a good sense and took a huge risk in following his dream when I was still in high school. Sat me and my younger sister down with my mom and explained what he wanted to do... and he's been doing it for ... ****... 13 years now!

He is only now thinking about retirement so he can be less busy and not have to worry about anything else except him and my mom and their grand children.

Get your dad to watch the movie Fight Club with you... I'm sure he's never seen it. Then talk about it casually afterwards to see what he says and if he didn't get the fundamental part of Fight Club (I shouldn't be talking about this :D ) is that to be truely free and happy is doing what you want and not being bound by anyone or anyTHING in this world. Throw caution in the wind.

You seem like a sensible person and I'm sure your siblings has been raised with the same qualities. Let the old man run with his passion... even if it's sitting at home watching Ricky Lake and bitching about "today's kids" ;)
 
Picard said:
Get you father to do some exercise. Walking is excellent. The brain secretes endorphines that the body loves. It's a "feel-good" hormone.

Don't give your father any choice in the matter. He will not want to do it. You must be the ****ing drill-sergeant to get your father going.
Click to expand...

Chocolate does too ;) I know exersize helps, but in the long run it won't. I won't say I'm clinically depressed but I've been depressed for a long time (you can even read some of my **** on here :D )

In the end it doesn't matter WHAT you do, you have to train your mind and emotional state. Being happy isn't as much about the endorphins your body excretes as much as it's about you being HAPPY. It helps, hands down truth be told it helps. But the mind is a wonderful thing and it truely is powerful. Even the most fit people who love gym and exersize will show symptoms of depression.

The factors are too many to discuss, but one thing is just to let go, to stop trying to control everything and realize "Hey, this is the only life I'll live, why am I not doing it for myself"

Sometimes your judgement gets clouded and you end up whirling down and repeating the same mistake over and over and over again.

I hope his dad recover, gets the help he needs and continue to build up from this
 
Picard said:
Get you father to do some exercise. Walking is excellent. The brain secretes endorphines that the body loves. It's a "feel-good" hormone.

Don't give your father any choice in the matter. He will not want to do it. You must be the ****ing drill-sergeant to get your father going.
Click to expand...

Good advice. I have a sister-in-law who is in a institution due to a nervous breakdown, not nice is all I can say.

She went for a complete loop the last two years - result of wrong medication and nothing to do. This has now been corrected, her new medication helps and she keeps herself busy. She walks alot and this makes a big difference to her physc.
 
Thanks all

Thanks all for the replies, personal stories and advice guys. He does walk a lot and I suspect he does this to overthink stuff. And this might be the key. All this thinking and regretting and living in the past and not realising all the things to do today. Anyway, he will be out by the end of the week and staying with me for a while.

I've started running so I'll get him to try this as well with a definite goal for us to run together in a 8 or 10km race in the next month or so.

Thanks again all....
 
Show him

how much you appreciate him, how much he has gained through you guys whilst feeling he had compromised all his happiness?
 
Alan said:
+100

What were you're father's symptoms?
Click to expand...

Hi there, he can't sleep and hadn't for about 4 days despite being on medication (not sure what these were). I'm not sure what the others were but I'll find out soon...

Cheers
 
It's Psych just by the by.

Sorry to hear about your father nkpza. All you can really do is be a shoulder to cry on and a rock to lean on while he fights his own demons. There isn't much anyone else can do but be there for him when he needs you. The only one who can help him is himself.
 
Good luck and hope you find a way to manage things with your dad and to make it easier for him ... who knows how things may improve .. sooner than you think!

On a lighter note, every time I see a new wrinkle when I look in the mirror, I dread getting to an age like 50 or 60 ... but i guess when you are there, wrinkles are the least of your problems :)
 
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