DSTV Joke!

S

silverdelange

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Posted this on the DSTV site...

Firstly, let me just say that I am not trying to be rude, ugly or by any means racist, but you really have to start looking at who you have controlling your channel advertisements. The only real channel we spend time on is the "Food Network". I have experienced the following problem on many many channels before but the Food Network takes the cake.

Imagine that you are watching Mystery Diners on 175. All is well until the advertisement break. THEN, when the ad break is finished at least five whole minutes of the show has elapsed and no one knows what the hell is going on anymore. Plots have emerged and we have to try and guess what the hell is going on. Is this what we are paying for? To be force fed advertisements with cleverly placed ANC color references on the choir singers of all places and then miss a whole chunk of the shows we are paying our hard earned cash to watch?

Please get rid of the people behind the scenes eating snot on their posts and start delivering the material the public is paying for.

Derek.

PS: I know Mystery Diners is fake as ass. Just like to look at the ass.....
 
You have two problems here. Firstly, you're watching DSTV. Secondly, you're watching the Food Network.

I'm not sure which needs solving first.
 
Quantum Theory said:
It's not one of those LOL type of jokes... I came here to laugh.
Click to expand...

How about this then?

Microsoft's Latest Venture
News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play.
It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a package for startups, aimed at the housewife and gigolo niches.
While Contraceptive98 does not address nontraditional copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year.
OPERATION: Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install the package.
At installation, the Condom98 software checks for minimum hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements. After installation, operation commences. One precaution is that the user must be sure they have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and the user gets the message, it is now safe to turn off your partner.
DRAWBACKS: Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time its used.
CONCLUSION: Contraceptive98 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag, and is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software, that is) will add missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore, uninterruptible Power Supply and Onboard Camera.
Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic that "Our contraceptive products will help users do to each other what we've been doing to our customers for years."
Click to expand...
 
silverdelange said:
Firstly, let me just say that I am not trying to be rude, ugly or by any means racist, but you really have to start looking at who you have controlling your channel advertisements.
Click to expand...

Indulge me.. do you per chance have any idea of who controls the ad space and which race they are? :confused:
 
Dean said:
Indulge me.. do you per chance have any idea of who controls the ad space and which race they are? :confused:
Click to expand...

Wait. I didn't read this properly the first time. Is he saying that the ads are messed up, because the people controlling the ads are not white?
 
Quantum Theory said:
Wait. I didn't read this properly the first time. Is he saying that the ads are messed up, because the people controlling the ads are not white?
Click to expand...

No mention of which colour, I'm interested to know which race is best at ad placement though. Any ideas?
 
Quantum Theory said:
Wait. I didn't read this properly the first time. Is he saying that the ads are messed up, because the people controlling the ads are not white?
Click to expand...
No, I think his implication is that the people's race can be ascertained due to the lack of perfection as he perceives it. Because white=right, you know.
 
Dean said:
No mention of which colour, I'm interested to know which race is best at ad placement though. Any ideas?
Click to expand...

Normally the international channels (like Food Network) uses vertical blank to signal the start and end of ad breaks. The ads are then inserted automatically. I'm not sure if they use black or white computers for this purpose.
 
Quantum Theory said:
Normally the international channels (like Food Network) uses vertical blank to signal the start and end of ad breaks. The ads are then inserted automatically. I'm not sure if they use black or white computers for this purpose.
Click to expand...

I guess the computer colour doesn't matter, because no one here is trying by any means to be racist.
 
ANC bogeyman behind every door.
 
Last edited:
Silverdelange, how much are you paying per month for the joke?
 
silverdelange said:
Posted this on the DSTV site...

Firstly, let me just say that I am not trying to be rude, ugly or by any means racist, but you really have to start looking at who you have controlling your channel advertisements. The only real channel we spend time on is the "Food Network". I have experienced the following problem on many many channels before but the Food Network takes the cake.

Imagine that you are watching Mystery Diners on 175. All is well until the advertisement break. THEN, when the ad break is finished at least five whole minutes of the show has elapsed and no one knows what the hell is going on anymore. Plots have emerged and we have to try and guess what the hell is going on. Is this what we are paying for? To be force fed advertisements with cleverly placed ANC color references on the choir singers of all places and then miss a whole chunk of the shows we are paying our hard earned cash to watch?

Please get rid of the people behind the scenes eating snot on their posts and start delivering the material the public is paying for.

Derek.

PS: I know Mystery Diners is fake as ass. Just like to look at the ass.....
Click to expand...

1) Are you saying the ad is going on longer than what it should, and that the show starts, while the broadcast is still showing ads? That's silly and deserves a clap.

2) So the choir singers are wearing ANC colours? You mean the same colours of our flag? The one of the country we live in? So displaying the colours of our flag is.... "talking to anc supporters"? Seems you're stretching a bit on this one. And then makes me question your credibility of aforementioned statement.
 
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