Flanders
Honorary Master
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2003
- Messages
- 19,349
- Reaction score
- 16,283
A couple of times but only ever in self defense. I'm really not a stirrer by any means and it literally takes a fist flying in my direction for me to even consider retalliation.
Most memorable though was a good few years back after a mate and myself had left a pool hall. A little runt and his inbred friend had left about ten seconds later. They had been inside with a large group of their other rowdy inbred friends and it was clear they were all bad news so we'd chosen to steer clear of them and just do our thing. Runt and his right-hand-man had a couple of females in tow and, in the carpark, one of the girls passed a comment our way to the effect of "rawr" or the ol' "kss-kss" type thing. Since it had been done so blatantly in the presence of runt and company, my friend, assuming these ladies were fair game, responded with something equally cryptic and they carried on their merry way. We thought nothing more of it so, at my car, we decided to have a little spliff and call it a night.
10 minutes later, with a fifth of a spliff remaining and us feeling just about as placid as we could humanly be, the drama began. A car, laden with an assortment of inbred specimens from earlier came screeching to a halt behind my car, blocking us in. Then another car did the same behind it, and another! So there were three cars (to be fair, one was an overloaded nissan 1400 bakkie) loaded with booze-fuelled neanderthals all wanting a piece of the two confused looking stoned dudes standing next to their parked-in vehicle.
Runt exited what I recall being a ridiculously suped-up opel monza with its pistons visibly firing through a massively oversized cheese-blower, and, with minions close behind, (naturally) they stomped towards us. I realised it had to be about runt's lady friend (or at least that was going to be their excuse) and I immediately got in between him (runt) and my mate. With cars on either side and after a few moments of pushing, shoving and colourful language from their brave gang, I declared loudly that if anything was going to go down, it would be between my mate and runt exclusively. I had no other choice - there were ten of 'em right behind runt, all waiting to get stuck in and I knew that on his own, runt didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell. Right then, my brother who had also been inside, came out due to the commotion and, in a moment of brazen stupidity, (or ingenious distraction - I still don't really know) he shouted something at the herd to the effect of "bring it on, you ****ing cowards!"
Next thing I remember is all hell breaking loose. My only two allies in the world at that moment had been engulfed by a swarm of inbreeding personified and I was swinging for my life. After what seemed like a minute of hitting, taking hits and generally doing what I had to do to live, time seemed to slow down (maybe it was the weed kicking in with one last wave due to my hugely elevated heart rate). One of the inbreeders tried to wind me one but got it horribly wrong and he missed. I grabbed his arm, spun him round and pushed it up his back 'til he squealed like a piggy. With my other hand, I grabbed him round the back of his neck and did the only thing I could think of in that moment - I proceeded to repeatedly smash his face into the nearest hard object. That object just so happened to be the bonnet of my car - d'oh! Both my hands were now occupied and since I have no training in the art of dealing with one opponent, let alone three or four others, I just kept going while being pummeled in the side of the cranium by face-splat's other friends who had singled me out. Where my brother and mate were at that stage was but a blur. I was seeing red now and the punches I was receiving were quite painless and were in fact egging me on. I kept working on face splat and then suddenly I heard a female screaming and shouting directly in my ear. Whether she was runt's lady or another in the troop I'm not sure, but it was evident that this was a last-ditch effort to get me off face splat as their heroic friends weren't having much luck. She'd jumped on my back and was kicking and screaming like a banshee. She eventually let go but came at me with her teeth and sunk them into my kidney area and bit down with full force until her teeth nearly touched through my jumper. That was by far the most painful blow I received during this episode.
And then...it was over. To my utter surprise I was still on my feet and, although quite shaken up, I was okay. I was sporting a shiner that would last a week or two and my car's bonnet was pretty dented. The inbreeders, apart from one who was dragging himself off the tarmac where my brother had last been seen, were now gone. My brother came up to me and asked if I was alright and I had to laugh at the gigantic bump he was sporting on his forehead. our mate was nowhere to be seen. We walked around the corner and found him lying oh his back in a pretty bad way. He'd had at least half of these cowardly a-holes, including runt, beating on him. Someone who'd seen what had happened from inside a pizza joint, came out and put their jacket under my mate's head and not even 30 seconds later, some ******** had come along, ripped out the jacket and run off with it!
He was okay though. He had some serious black shiners that would last more than two months and his pinky finger was knocked 90 degrees out of joint. It didn't take long for the jokes to start flying though. At the time, he lived with his mom and on our way home I asked him what on earth he would tell her. He replied though a bloodied set of lips..."sht, mom. I slpped in thr showr!"
Most memorable though was a good few years back after a mate and myself had left a pool hall. A little runt and his inbred friend had left about ten seconds later. They had been inside with a large group of their other rowdy inbred friends and it was clear they were all bad news so we'd chosen to steer clear of them and just do our thing. Runt and his right-hand-man had a couple of females in tow and, in the carpark, one of the girls passed a comment our way to the effect of "rawr" or the ol' "kss-kss" type thing. Since it had been done so blatantly in the presence of runt and company, my friend, assuming these ladies were fair game, responded with something equally cryptic and they carried on their merry way. We thought nothing more of it so, at my car, we decided to have a little spliff and call it a night.
10 minutes later, with a fifth of a spliff remaining and us feeling just about as placid as we could humanly be, the drama began. A car, laden with an assortment of inbred specimens from earlier came screeching to a halt behind my car, blocking us in. Then another car did the same behind it, and another! So there were three cars (to be fair, one was an overloaded nissan 1400 bakkie) loaded with booze-fuelled neanderthals all wanting a piece of the two confused looking stoned dudes standing next to their parked-in vehicle.
Runt exited what I recall being a ridiculously suped-up opel monza with its pistons visibly firing through a massively oversized cheese-blower, and, with minions close behind, (naturally) they stomped towards us. I realised it had to be about runt's lady friend (or at least that was going to be their excuse) and I immediately got in between him (runt) and my mate. With cars on either side and after a few moments of pushing, shoving and colourful language from their brave gang, I declared loudly that if anything was going to go down, it would be between my mate and runt exclusively. I had no other choice - there were ten of 'em right behind runt, all waiting to get stuck in and I knew that on his own, runt didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell. Right then, my brother who had also been inside, came out due to the commotion and, in a moment of brazen stupidity, (or ingenious distraction - I still don't really know) he shouted something at the herd to the effect of "bring it on, you ****ing cowards!"
Next thing I remember is all hell breaking loose. My only two allies in the world at that moment had been engulfed by a swarm of inbreeding personified and I was swinging for my life. After what seemed like a minute of hitting, taking hits and generally doing what I had to do to live, time seemed to slow down (maybe it was the weed kicking in with one last wave due to my hugely elevated heart rate). One of the inbreeders tried to wind me one but got it horribly wrong and he missed. I grabbed his arm, spun him round and pushed it up his back 'til he squealed like a piggy. With my other hand, I grabbed him round the back of his neck and did the only thing I could think of in that moment - I proceeded to repeatedly smash his face into the nearest hard object. That object just so happened to be the bonnet of my car - d'oh! Both my hands were now occupied and since I have no training in the art of dealing with one opponent, let alone three or four others, I just kept going while being pummeled in the side of the cranium by face-splat's other friends who had singled me out. Where my brother and mate were at that stage was but a blur. I was seeing red now and the punches I was receiving were quite painless and were in fact egging me on. I kept working on face splat and then suddenly I heard a female screaming and shouting directly in my ear. Whether she was runt's lady or another in the troop I'm not sure, but it was evident that this was a last-ditch effort to get me off face splat as their heroic friends weren't having much luck. She'd jumped on my back and was kicking and screaming like a banshee. She eventually let go but came at me with her teeth and sunk them into my kidney area and bit down with full force until her teeth nearly touched through my jumper. That was by far the most painful blow I received during this episode.
And then...it was over. To my utter surprise I was still on my feet and, although quite shaken up, I was okay. I was sporting a shiner that would last a week or two and my car's bonnet was pretty dented. The inbreeders, apart from one who was dragging himself off the tarmac where my brother had last been seen, were now gone. My brother came up to me and asked if I was alright and I had to laugh at the gigantic bump he was sporting on his forehead. our mate was nowhere to be seen. We walked around the corner and found him lying oh his back in a pretty bad way. He'd had at least half of these cowardly a-holes, including runt, beating on him. Someone who'd seen what had happened from inside a pizza joint, came out and put their jacket under my mate's head and not even 30 seconds later, some ******** had come along, ripped out the jacket and run off with it!
He was okay though. He had some serious black shiners that would last more than two months and his pinky finger was knocked 90 degrees out of joint. It didn't take long for the jokes to start flying though. At the time, he lived with his mom and on our way home I asked him what on earth he would tell her. He replied though a bloodied set of lips..."sht, mom. I slpped in thr showr!"
