Help with finding time to do stuff

Similar boat here, 3 kids ages 4, 3 and 1 with no family around. If you want to get things done, you learn to include them. If i need a haircut, on a Saturday morning, I would take at least one of them with me. Need to go get a few things from Checkers or builders or wherever, take 1 or 2 of them with me. Yard work or pool cleaning duties, you get them to play outside during that time. It can be tough but it's one of those things that just has to be done. As they grow older it becomes easier. Also, get a babysitter on a Saturday morning/afternoon instead of the usual evenings and use that time with your SO to get things done.
 
The_MAC said:
This is my scenario and strategy, albeit, our circumstances are different, but perhaps you can pick up a tip or two.

3 kids - 9, 6 and 3 years old. Both me and the wife work full time. The 2 older ones are at school, 3 year old is in creche.

We have a nanny, and I will rather give up half our other luxuries than get rid of her, this is how we claw back I would say at least 50% of our time i.e. washing clothes, ironing, cleaning house, preparing food, babysitting etc. I don't have time for all of that, and prefer to spend all my spare time with my family and on myself.

I wake up at 04:00 to run, by 05:00 I am back, by 06:00 the kids are up and getting ready for school - this is my "me" time in the morning, I get to exercise, shower and have coffee before the madness begins. Trick with this is you have to be in bed early-ish. Then I always do the school drop off giving my wife 30min to do some exercise and then shoot off to work.

Me and my wife tag-team a lot in order to give ourselves more "me" time e.g. I run on the Saturdays, she looks after the kids. Later in the day she goes out with her girlfriends, I keep the kids busy - otherwise you never find alone time.

As a couple, we fortunately have family around, so leverage off that for weekends alone away etc. And then the nanny steps in during the week for date-nights etc.

In terms of involving the kids, absolutely, even if they are babies, pop-them in their high-rise chair, jolly-jumper, whatever, and place them close to where you are doing your chores, they get entertained and you get the job done.

In closing, as they get older, it gets easier - I would say around 3 years then you are better off, and then around 5-6 years old you slowly get out of the woods because then they are fairly self-sufficient.

PS: Work-life balance is critical, don't sell your personal time to your company, you will never get it back, and if you die, they will forget about you in 1 week.
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Absolutely THIS!

I learned some really hard lessons about how a +12-hour workday affects your loved ones, especially your spouse and kids!

OP - making time for yourself can be quite tricky but instead of worrying about all the things that you can't get to, enjoy the time with your little ones whilst they are little. Sure, your pool may be green for a couple of months extra and your car may not be as clean but enjoying the time with the kids whilst they are so young is truly priceless. Before you know it, they are capable of handling themselves without you having to worry about them diving headfirst into the danger zone at every opportunity they get. Your pool will still be there and your car will still be there and guess what - they will help you to clean both :)

Just don't give them your clippers until they are at least 10 ;)
 
Firstly. In a few years time you going to wish for these times you spend with them. When they getting older like in their teens they are going to want to spend less time with you. So rather enjoy and embrace it now for the next few years.

Secondly it is difficult not knowing what the situation is with your wife. Is she really sick or just lazy and depressed. Is she working?
I think it is very important to get children to a GOOD nursery school from a young age. Before 2 years old. It is essential for their social skills and good nursery schools will stimulate and develop your kids brain way more that their mother at home, especially if she is not well, or lazy/depressed or sits on her phone the whole day.

So if you can afford it send them to a nursery school. Or let wife get half day job and pay for it. She can then do all other house work in the afternoon and you both can just enjoy kids when you get home and on weekends.

But like I said, enjoy these times, they are short. when they 4 years and older they can join you with all these things you want to do. And they will have "some" manners and control when you tell them to sit and behave while you cut your hair.
 
One more contribution to make. If you are an outdoor person, get either of these, ideally all three. We use all three, and all 3 kids sat in them as they grew up. They have grown up outdoors and were included in our adventures. It's either this or you sacrifice a lot of exercise/outdoor time. And it's a win-win, you get exercise, they get outside.

PS: Not my pics or kids :)

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What's your average screen time/TV time? There is always time to get the essentials done - just look for where you are wasting it elsewhere.
 
Been retired for 17 years. Still have to plan most days as there are always things to do. Help run 2 clubs. TV - maybe 2 hours a day and I like listening to music
 
The Darkness said:
What's your average screen time/TV time? There is always time to get the essentials done - just look for where you are wasting it elsewhere.
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This is a good point. We don't watch a lot of TV, maybe 30-60min per day, 2-3 times a week in the evenings (and mainly my wife).

One of the kids recently misplaced the media-box remote, so the TV has been off for nearly a week.

My wife started reading again, and I was doing some woodwork for a small project - TV is a nice escape, but it also eats up all your free time, that and social media (hence why I do not have a single account, except LinkedIn)
 
>Reaper< said:
Hello fellow BB'ers

So lately it has been bothering me that I cannot find the time to do certain things like getting the car washed, cleaning the pool, getting a haircut... to name a few. This is besides finding time for myself... Which I just gave up on at this point.

I'm married and I have two kids, one is 2 years and 8 months and the other is 7 months old. The SO's health is also not a 100% so I'm helping more where I can. Between work and coming home and being completely consumed with family duties in the evening and and on weekends.

Last thing to mention is we don't have any family to help out so theres that and finances arent the best so we really can't afford to hire extra help at the moment.

I know there a probably tons of people in similar situations and wondering how others dealing with this or if they have any strategies?

Thanks in advance.
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This is just a very hard part of your life. Kids are at a stage where they need so much of you and your time.

I struggle with this as well, many things will fail and standards will drop. People will forgive.

One thing I can say is it gets better but you will also have to learn to love the hard things.

The mom has to carry the child and birth them, the dad has to carry this burden.
 
most modern men won't lift a finger... that's just the way it is, throwing money at a problem solves nothing and one learns / teaches nothing. Crossfit / cycling / golf / gym / running isn't work.. modern men are lazy, period.

If you are struggling with work around the house then you need to draw up a little roster, don't try and clean the entire house in one go, you'll burn yourself out and hate it. Just clean the bathroom today, that's it... then have a day off, the next day vacuum or mop the lounge, etc etc. If your wife cooks, then you clean up after, and if that cupboard door is loose then get a screwdriver and fix it, take out the trash. It all becomes second nature and the "norm" after a while.

Did we all learn nothing at school, the tortoise always wins the race...
 
I don't even have kids and struggle to find time for the same things, that must be rough as guts. Hope you get sorted soon!
 
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