hilarious jokes

Anish

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Nov 16, 2008
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31
A blonde chick found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. Bored, the lawyer kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence (lawyers like easy prey). Finally,

the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers he’d give her $50.00. The

lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?” Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.

The blonde then asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

The lawyer looked puzzled. He spent nearly an hour, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls, trying to find the answer. Finally,

angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.


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Once a dumb guy applied for a medical school and these were the answers he wrote in his entrance exam -:

Antibody - against everyone
Artery - The study of the paintings
Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria
Caesarean section - a district in Rome
Cardiology - advance study of poker playing
Cat scan - searching for lost kitty
Chronic - neck of a crow
Coma - punctuation mark
Cortisone - area around local court
Cyst - short for sister
Diagnosis - person with slanted nose
Dilate - the late British Princess Diana
Dislocation - in this place
Duodenum - couple in blue jeans
Enema - not a friend
Fake labour - pretending to work
Genes - blue denim
Hernia - she is close by
Impotent - distinguished/ well known
Labour pain - hurt at work
Lactose - people without toes
Lymph - walk unsteadily
microbes - small dressing gown
Obesity - city of Obe
Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize
Proteins - in favour of teens
Pulse - grain
Pus - small cat
Red blood count - Dracula
Secretion - hiding anything
Tablet - small table
Ultrasound - radical noise
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - very close

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Three women are about to be executed for crimes they committed. One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead, and one’s a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready… Aim…” Suddenly the brunette yells,

“Earthquake!” Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready… Aim…” The redhead then

screams, “Tornado!” Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did and knew exactly what she needed to do. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She also says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready… Aim…”

The blonde shouts, “Fire!”

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One day Li'l Johny says to his father:

I want to get married.

Father: Oh, so do you have someone special in your mind?
Johny: Yes , Grandma
Father: What? There is a problem now, you want to marry my Mother?
Johny: Why not? You married my mother

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The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two."
The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said, "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world."
"I'm glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us," she replied.


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Soldier says ,"Sir , we're surrounded by enemy from all the sides!".
Then , the General says ,"Great ! Now we can attack in any direction !! :D"

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At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy.

"No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret."

"I don't know about that," huffily answered a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one."

"You'll let it out some day," the man insisted.

"I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever."


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Keep laughing , folks :D
 
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