How to deal with harassment

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kalevra

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I've just started dating a girl - 2 months now.

She has a friend who's in a very abusive relationship... My gf has stuck her neck out to get her friend counselling and has helped her get out of the relationship.

The f**k head abuser still sends my gf messages (or tries to phone like 25 times) at 3am on weekends, probably when he's **** faced, the messages are disturbing either calling her every name in the book or apologising trying to get my gf to help him get his ex back - he's completely wacked. (she never replies or answer the calls - neither do I - not sure if answering is gonna get him off - although not answering hasn't put him off at all)

My first thought is to find him and beat the living **** out of him every time he sends something. I'd prefer to play this one smart - I think he's probably an expert at playing dirty so I'll lose on his turf...

What is the best possible way for my girl to handle this - what can we do to teach this fuxer a lesson legally... Restraining orders (do these actually work) ... Block him from calling her etc? Can we sue him (not familiar with the law but is this not Criminal Injuria)

Any help would be appreciated - never knew a-holes like this actually existed...

AFAIK - my
 
I'm struggling to figure out what make relationships tick.

All I know as of yet, is that if I ever give a girlfriend of mine any amount of grief, she will drop me like a hot potato.

And I will probably do the same.

My only advice to this girl would be to continue the relationship ... but to be a bitch. Don't break off the relationship ... ween him off the relationship gradually. Make him beg to end it.



EDIT: But I'm drunk at the moment because I don't work tomorrow (did I mention I'm on a 3 week holiday) so my comments may not be entirely thought through.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
ignore him completely. don't give him the time of day. i know it is annoying but if you play his game you are giving in to him. he will eventually get the message and stop.
 
Picard said:
I'm struggling to figure out what make relationships tick.

All I know as of yet, is that if I ever give a girlfriend of mine any amount of grief, she will drop me like a hot potato.

And I will probably do the same.

My only advice to this girl would be to continue the relationship ... but to be a bitch. Don't break off the relationship ... ween him off the relationship..
Click to expand...

Appreciate the advice but it's not what I'm asking...

She's been for psychotherapy and the therapist has helped her plot out the best course of action...

What I need is help on dealing with the harassment...

Background info: she's been with the idiot for many years - not the first time she's left him and gone back - but those are matters the psych is dealing with - don't see a point in discussing them here since I don't believe I - or most of the forumites would be qualified to comment on these and as I've explained that's not what I wanted help with.

Completely agree with you - would be dropped like a hot potato... I just want to help move this situation into the past with going to jail for it - if you know what I mean
 
Celine said:
ignore him completely. don't give him the time of day. i know it is annoying but if you play his game you are giving in to him. he will eventually get the message and stop.
Click to expand...

As I've mentioned above ignoring him hasn't worked... He never receives any messages back and none of his phone calls are ever answered - this has been going on for months now...

They guy is obviously psycho if he can go on for months doing this...

This is passed the stage of ignoring... My gf has nightmares and has trouble sleeping because of it - he's literally traumatising the both of them.
 
Found this link on harassment law and how to go about setting up a protection order...

http://www.justice.gov.za/legislation/acts/2011-017.pdf

My only concern is that this will exacerbate the situation and with the police not providing the assistance they should I'm afraid this would provoke a more aggressive attack from the fuxer...

I'm trying to avoid bashing his head in if possible...
 
Go to the family court and get a restraining order .
 
kalevra said:
As I've mentioned above ignoring him hasn't worked... He never receives any messages back and none of his phone calls are ever answered - this has been going on for months now...

They guy is obviously psycho if he can go on for months doing this...

This is passed the stage of ignoring... My gf has nightmares and has trouble sleeping because of it - he's literally traumatising the both of them.
Click to expand...

This is harassment right? That is illegal, right?

I'm not a legal expert, but can't you ask your lawyers to send him a final notice of some sorts encouraging him to stop contacting her in any form or risk a lawsuit (and follow through with the lawsuit if the douche indeed carries on harassing her)?

I reckon you phone up some lawyers and get their opinion.
 
FNfal said:
Go to the family court and get a restraining order .
Click to expand...

Thanks - busy looking into doing this...

Just want to research and be as prepared as possible.

Want to find out about the sms evidence etc and if the service provider keeps records or if my gf will need to provide sent sms' as evidence...

Also more info on the process - want to create as little trauma to the woman as possible - they've both suffered enough as a result of this psycho
 
kalevra said:
Thanks - busy looking into doing this...

Just want to research and be as prepared as possible.

Want to find out about the sms evidence etc and if the service provider keeps records or if my gf will need to provide sent sms' as evidence...

Also more info on the process - want to create as little trauma to the woman as possible - they've both suffered enough as a result of this psycho
Click to expand...
Your GF and her friend as well as you need to go and get a retaining order just show them some of the SMSs that is enough.
 
doesn't your phone have a list of numbers to ignore?

I would do the restraining order thing- The police may not be the quickest to respond, but I don't believe you will have a problem if he violates the order. One of my friends had a psycho ex who laid a physical abuse charge against him after they broke up. The police were pretty quick to respond.
 
ave said:
doesn't your phone have a list of numbers to ignore?

I would do the restraining order thing- The police may not be the quickest to respond, but I don't believe you will have a problem if he violates the order. One of my friends had a psycho ex who laid a physical abuse charge against him after they broke up. The police were pretty quick to respond.
Click to expand...

Yeah I've just seen there is a blackberry app you can use to ignore numbers... Must jst see if this will act sms' as well...

Thanks for info - will definitely recommend the restraining order.
 
Just know that the law is relatively toothless when it comes to stuff like this. I have heard of many situations like this and the legal route generally just made it worse as it costs you money and does not really have any real penalties that are easy to enforce. I would consider changing my number and dealing with it that way. Probably the easiest way to go about it.
 
Cius said:
Just know that the law is relatively toothless when it comes to stuff like this. I have heard of many situations like this and the legal route generally just made it worse as it costs you money and does not really have any real penalties that are easy to enforce. I would consider changing my number and dealing with it that way. Probably the easiest way to go about it.
Click to expand...

I see your point but he's the type that's not put off easily... I wouldn't put it past him to get the number some how... My GF has her own business and it's a company cellphone number so that's going to make it quite easy to get...

I think he needs a good solid anonymous ass whipping.... Hypothetically speaking of course :twisted: since I don't condone violence and would never do anything like that ;)
 
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