Hi there,
I thought I would just share my store about suffering abuse from SO
i believed that this relationship that I entered into would be my last; this was a person I chased after for years. We always used to hang out together in clubs, and out at major pride functions. We constantly chatted as we only ever saw each other twice or thrice a year. We always had stimulating conversations and we always enjoyed each other company.
However as time began pass, the cracks in each others personalities began to show; i also slipped down an old habit of mine which was using coke, often candyflippiing coke and mdma. We had our first fight because of my short, but heavy use of substances - I will say that I do not regret it, I never had en excuse for why I used hard drugs. I kind of enjoyed while I was on it. The day i quit was the day I lost that he took a piece of my ear off. That was the first fight.
Within 3 month I suffered an orbital fracture, fractured cheek bone and nearly dying. I have mostly recovered from the physical damage I have sustained.
What I am struggling with right now is the mental scars of what happened. I do believe I am partially to blame - and I am not condoning what I suffered, I do not see any reason as to why I should be blamed and I also believe that he should have let his temper go so far. I am also not trying to play the victim either. I dont see the point in it.
But i digress. The emotional and mental scars that I have been suffering have been torture. I am unable to sleep on back, I have vivid recollections of our last fight which leave me shaking. I have sought help from a professional, two in fact.
As much as I lost my main braai tong and someone who I valued and who I was able to connect intellectually and I am now left with sheer anger, feelings of major inadequacy, I feel like i do not know myself anymore and I live in fear that my ex may pop up behind me and deliver a hard blow to my head. Thankfully I am able to recognize that the feelings I am feeling are real and I mitigate the effect it has on people around me like my family, colleagues and friends. This has not been an easy ordeal for me to live through. It is still early days and I am positive that I will make a full recovery
As an openly gay man(sometimes lol) I have always been aware that abuse is quite prevalent in the LGBT community. Be it physical, emotional or financial - much like in hetrosexual relationships. This is a topic that is often never discussed, much like in general society.
I dont wish this on any one, not even my worst enemy.
I put myself through some **** thinking I was happy, drugs included
I do not expect any one to offer me advice, and I really do think i am looking for advice, attention or support - I feel like i would not deserve it right now.
I would like to offer this piece of advice, as difficult as it is right now to believe. The second this happens to you speak about it, speak on it and tell those close to you. Rally their support and let them show you and reassure you that you are safe and secure.
Thanks for letting me vent <3
I thought I would just share my store about suffering abuse from SO
i believed that this relationship that I entered into would be my last; this was a person I chased after for years. We always used to hang out together in clubs, and out at major pride functions. We constantly chatted as we only ever saw each other twice or thrice a year. We always had stimulating conversations and we always enjoyed each other company.
However as time began pass, the cracks in each others personalities began to show; i also slipped down an old habit of mine which was using coke, often candyflippiing coke and mdma. We had our first fight because of my short, but heavy use of substances - I will say that I do not regret it, I never had en excuse for why I used hard drugs. I kind of enjoyed while I was on it. The day i quit was the day I lost that he took a piece of my ear off. That was the first fight.
Within 3 month I suffered an orbital fracture, fractured cheek bone and nearly dying. I have mostly recovered from the physical damage I have sustained.
What I am struggling with right now is the mental scars of what happened. I do believe I am partially to blame - and I am not condoning what I suffered, I do not see any reason as to why I should be blamed and I also believe that he should have let his temper go so far. I am also not trying to play the victim either. I dont see the point in it.
But i digress. The emotional and mental scars that I have been suffering have been torture. I am unable to sleep on back, I have vivid recollections of our last fight which leave me shaking. I have sought help from a professional, two in fact.
As much as I lost my main braai tong and someone who I valued and who I was able to connect intellectually and I am now left with sheer anger, feelings of major inadequacy, I feel like i do not know myself anymore and I live in fear that my ex may pop up behind me and deliver a hard blow to my head. Thankfully I am able to recognize that the feelings I am feeling are real and I mitigate the effect it has on people around me like my family, colleagues and friends. This has not been an easy ordeal for me to live through. It is still early days and I am positive that I will make a full recovery
As an openly gay man(sometimes lol) I have always been aware that abuse is quite prevalent in the LGBT community. Be it physical, emotional or financial - much like in hetrosexual relationships. This is a topic that is often never discussed, much like in general society.
I dont wish this on any one, not even my worst enemy.
I put myself through some **** thinking I was happy, drugs included
I do not expect any one to offer me advice, and I really do think i am looking for advice, attention or support - I feel like i would not deserve it right now.
I would like to offer this piece of advice, as difficult as it is right now to believe. The second this happens to you speak about it, speak on it and tell those close to you. Rally their support and let them show you and reassure you that you are safe and secure.
Thanks for letting me vent <3
