If Telkom owned SAA

keng

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Department of Aviation: Having recently acquired SAA which we recall you stating cost you small change, can you explain the recent high incidence of plane crashes on route to Europe?

Steve: White I don’t want to go into the technical stuff as flight is a relatively new technology. Suffice to say that every plane is fueled to fly the same distance.

D of A: We have had a lot of complaints from the deceased relatives.

Steve: A recent survey undertaken by Markignore states that 82% of survivors are happy with our services. We cannot be held responsible if people try to abuse our limited kilometer policy.

D of A: The Airbus is designed to fly thousands of miles surely you could supply them with extra fuel? Isn’t this the reason why these planes were built in the first place?

Steve: You must remember that we have limited resources and cannot willy nilly give consumers what they need. Resources must be shared. If people want to fly international that’s their choice. Personally I recommend people staying within the national loop.

D of A: Steve is there any truth in the rumor that having tried out the International Space Station ,Mark Shuttleworth has scrapped enough together to fly business class with you guys?

Steve: I think you’re all picking on us and its not fair. Why don’t you pick on BA or KLM.

D of A: Steve who’s the national carrier?
 
Steve White: "The Boeing 777ER was never meant for kilometer-hungry applications. People who need to fly far should buy a leased-jet"
 
D of A: Why is the maximum allowed weight of a passenger capped at 60 kg's?

Steve: A recent survey undertaken by "Fatifica" states that 94% of people surveyed in Ethiopia weight less than 60 kg, hence our generous cap. The other abusive passengers weighing more than 60kg can always buy an additional ticket (from agents like 'AllYouCanEat') that will provide them with an extra seat. Flying was never designed for the "hungry hogs"...
 
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Brilliant (when I saw the title I got scarred) - write a whole cartoon about this - it would be come a collectors item :D

D of A: Why is it that your prices are so high?

Answer: Well everything costs money - the main reson os that the cost of international airspace is very high due to our remote location.

So what - its lame - ban me for it ;)
 
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DOA:Steve would you like to share your thoughts about the SNO sharing South African international airports with SAA. We think that sharing the existing infastructure would benefit both parties.
Steve: Sorry, SNO?
DOA:Steve come on we all know your'e simply in denial. You know who they are.
Steve: No honestly I haven't the foggiest idea.
DOA: STEVE! You're starting to try our patience.
Steve:No seriously, SNO? Let me think. (long pause) Yep I seen to recall the term but please that was years ago. Can you give me a hint?
DOA:Are you considering a involuntary career switch?
Steve Oh that SNO. Your'e talking about that Chinese Company.
DOA:Indian actually.
Steve:Sorry, I meant Asian company. Eh no I haven't managed to award myself a nice fat bonus yet.(laughs to self)
DOA:Steve will you answer the question.
Steve:Which question was that? About my job or about the SNO?
DOA:Silence
Steve:Just joking (nervous giggle)
DOA:Still silent
Steve:We are not sure that their planes could use our runways?
DOA:And why is that Mr White?
Steve:Well our runways are specifically designed to only accommodate SAA approved planes. We wouldn't want any accidents now would we?
DOA:That is a lot of nonsense, and you know it. SAA flights land on overseas runways all the time so why is it a problem only here in SA?
Steve:Well in readjusting our tariffs (liar read profits) we had some backlash from the air traffic controllers union.
DOA:Backlash?
Steve:Yes they wanted paying.
DOA:And so?
Steve:Well we had to let them go didn't we. Bastards wanted a 1% increase.
DOA:And the flight engineers and maintenance staff gave you a similar bit of up hill did they?
Steve:Yep.
DOA:Same bit of creative wage negotiation with them?
Steve:Yep. Cabin crew baggage handlers, you name it.
DOA:So what you are really telling us is that you have no airport staff. And it would be reasonable to assume that you couldn't accommodate the SNO even if you needed to?
Steve:We have a wonderful call centre.
DOA:Wonders about polling Thabo for reinstatement of death penalty.
 
DOA: And the Pilots union?
Steve: We gave the rase very quickly - they threatened to start up a hate website so we had to compensate them
 
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