Is it normal to not have any friends?

Zurg

Zurg

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I don't know if I'm just a c*nt, if people dislike my face or what but I'm pretty much the textbook definition of someone with social anxiety disorder or S.A.D (spoke to a medical professional), when I'm around people I trust and feel accepted by I come out of my shell.

Slowly but surely I've pushed myself further and further out of my comfort zone, I've gotten new hobbies and tried to make new friends but the social awkwardness is too much to handle at times (especially when I feel rejection or resistance), to put it into perspective I can't eat in front of people unless they are family or close friends. For those of you that remember this is the reason why I had a breakdown when working retail and went through that dark phase of my life, its the reason why I abused cannabis (I wanted to be numb) in the past which also caused the depression I was experiencing.

Regardless of everything that has happened I'm in a much better mental space now that I have goals, sober, exercise regularly and have a plan for the future.

I'm very much a creature of habit and love spending time alone but sometimes it would be nice to be around genuine people who actually care, who doesn't only reach out when they need or want something.
 
Go to your local bar. Drink. Talk to people.

Go again. Drink again. Talk to people again.

Go a third time. Note the people who were there the last two times. They are now your friends.

Bonus: you don't have to text and ask if they're coming to the bar, because they’re already there.
 
I have chosen the life of not having friends. I have dogs, other people's cats, and a parrot, and whatever wild life runs in my yard. In town, I am everyone's friend. It is just that I don't want any connections or intimacy with other people's lives.

For the most part I am a watcher and not a talker. Also, a night owl.
 
3WA said:
Go to your local bar. Drink. Talk to people.

Go again. Drink again. Talk to people again.

Go a third time. Note the people who were there the last two times. They are now your friends.

Bonus: you don't have to text and ask if they're coming to the bar, because they’re already there.
Click to expand...

More a case of acquaintances though: regulars at a bar are regulars for a reason. I love my bar fleas, far more entertaining than the Friday threads.
 
3WA said:
Go to your local bar. Drink. Talk to people.

Go again. Drink again. Talk to people again.

Go a third time. Note the people who were there the last two times. They are now your friends.

Bonus: you don't have to text and ask if they're coming to the bar, because they’re already there.
Click to expand...
So perhaps I should have mentioned before, I have a really addictive personality so alcohol is out of the question.
 
Fulcrum29 said:
More a case of acquaintances though: regulars at a bar are regulars for a reason. I love my bar fleas, far more entertaining than the Friday threads.
Click to expand...

Every friend starts of as an acquaintance, but there's no short-cut. A deep friendship takes time and shared experience.

To have a friend, they have to be doing what you like doing, near where you are. That way, you see them regularly. So you may as well make friends with the people who are near you and doing what you like doing.

RiceZA said:
So perhaps I should have mentioned before, I have a really addictive personality so alcohol is out of the question.
Click to expand...
Ah, that's what I get for skimming the OP. I see you mentioned it. Maybe make friends at the AA then?
 
3WA said:
Go to your local bar. Drink. Talk to people.

Go again. Drink again. Talk to people again.

Go a third time. Note the people who were there the last two times. They are now your friends.

Bonus: you don't have to text and ask if they're coming to the bar, because they’re already there.
Click to expand...
OMG you don't know if he can handle his dop.
This might leave him with still no friends and a broken nose.
 
RiceZA said:
I don't know if I'm just a c*nt, if people dislike my face or what but I'm pretty much the textbook definition of someone with social anxiety disorder or S.A.D (spoke to a medical professional), when I'm around people I trust and feel accepted by I come out of my shell.

Slowly but surely I've pushed myself further and further out of my comfort zone, I've gotten new hobbies and tried to make new friends but the social awkwardness is too much to handle at times (especially when I feel rejection or resistance), to put it into perspective I can't eat in front of people unless they are family or close friends. For those of you that remember this is the reason why I had a breakdown when working retail and went through that dark phase of my life, its the reason why I abused cannabis (I wanted to be numb) in the past which also caused the depression I was experiencing.

Regardless of everything that has happened I'm in a much better mental space now that I have goals, sober, exercise regularly and have a plan for the future.

I'm very much a creature of habit and love spending time alone but sometimes it would be nice to be around genuine people who actually care, who doesn't only reach out when they need or want something.
Click to expand...
Join a hiking group, or do Kontiki tours abroad. You will meet a lot of great friends.
 
Regarding the social anxiety & relating to people, some book recommendations:

https://www.amazon.com/Not-Nice-Ple...z&qid=1668016149&sprefix=dr+az,aps,294&sr=8-2
A lot of obvious stuff in here but sometimes the obvious stuff is what you need to hear. His books are decent first forays into this category of self-help books.

https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Real...refix=susan+campbell+getting+r,aps,320&sr=8-1
One of my favourite books. Can pull any random highlighted sentence and it's good stuff.

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3WA said:
Every friend starts of as an acquaintance, but there's no short-cut. A deep friendship takes time and shared experience.

To have a friend, they have to be doing what you like doing, near where you are. That way, you see them regularly. So you may as well make friends with the people who are near you and doing what you like doing.
Click to expand...

Horses for courses. As Stone Cold would say, **** friends drink beer... There was a time in my life when I used to drink a lot and I have been binge-clean for four years now, and I have learned a long time ago, that whiskey only tastes as good as the company you are in.

This being said, I know a great deal of the importance of a meaningful friendship, and it is a rare occurrence in one's life.

I used to be that guy people called when they were in trouble.
 
At the end of the day you get out what you put in.

People aren’t going to come to you and magically be your friend. You need to work at it otherwise nothing comes of it.

And friends don’t need to fall into the conventional social norms. The best people I know today I met on Xbox Live and became real world friends with down the line only

At the same time don’t expect a deep and meaningful relationship from more than a handful of people. As you get older those become less and less and I would like to think that’s perfectly normal.

Going to a bar is not it.
 
Friends are not always what they portray, unfortunately you only find this out by learning a few life lessons. I only have one True Friend that I have known for over 30 years! The other "friends" are just there. I have lost faith in a lot of people over the years who have portrayed friendship and quite honestly, I do not miss them at all.
What keeps me sane is my wife and my animals, now there is true friendship.
 
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