Leaving behind everything to be with a partner.

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bigboy529

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Just thinking out loud here.
A person gets a boyfriend / girlfriend and from day 1 nobody of this persons friends or family likes the partner. As years whent bye nobody could still get a liking in the partner, not friends or family. This person know that the family don't like the partner because they had discussions and fights about it before. Friends don't like hanging out with the person anymore because of the partner and even if no friend have brought it up like the family did, by now if the person doesn't realise something is wrong, he / she is very stupid.

The person started losing friends because they don't want to hang out with the partner, family only hangs out with the couple if they absolutely must.

They are getting married and I can see that this person will lose all friends and a previously very close family will also slowely drift appart. The prospect of making new friends are also quite slim, in the past couple years I've known them, they haven't made any new friends, I suspect this is mainly because of the partner.
The partner literally only has 1 friend and also doesn't get along with his / her family very well, but it's not hard to guess why, in my opinion this is generally just a very unlikable person.

There's true love, not caring what others think etc, but is it really worth throwing away your entire life, all friends and family to be with a person? As I see it they will eventually end up all alone without any friends or family, only with each other.

If they are happy who am I to judge, I just find it weird that someone will practically throw away year long friends and family to be with a single person.
 
Surely there must be a problem if friends AND family don't like the person? And how good can these close friends be if they never raised any issues. And what did the family say about her that led to arguments. Sounds like you haven't even given us the beginning of the story so how can we give advice or opinion. Was she a convicted felon? Does she have weird teeth? Is she thick as ****? I sometimes see people and hate them immediately but for someones friends and family to not like a person for no good reason doesn't make sense.
 
I've never seen this in my life, and I've seen plenty of SO's integrated with friends and family who otherwise definitely wouldn't. It's seldom a big deal. What in the heck is wrong with this person that you're losing all friends and family?
 
There's true love, not caring what others think etc, but is it really worth throwing away your entire life, all friends and family to be with a person?
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Red flags throwing family and friends away (if the new partner "requires" it). That is how abusive people destroy their victims support structure.

s years whent bye nobody could still get a liking in the partner, not friends or family
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If everyone has a problem with this person, then this person is the problem. I can understand maybe parent(s) don't like the new boy/girlfriend.. but friends too? Run.. and don't look back!
 
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The object of the game (life) isn't to make others happy, it's to be happy yourself

The real question is, is your friend happy? If the answer is "yes". Then leave them be. If he/she is happy with how their life is with their partner, and you don't like him/her, and it makes you stay away from them on purpose, consider your own loyalty and caliber as a friend (or family member)

Again, is your friend happy? Why can't you be happy FOR him/her then? Why can't you (or any of the friends/family) see that and when/if you hang out, focus on that instead of liking / not liking this partner?

If this partner was toxic in the way that they got your friend or family member to do drugs/sell their blood/get aids/do dangerous frivolous things/pierce themselves/tattoo on the forehead and overall a bad influence with a life spiraling out of control, then sure, by all means, step in, say something, but who are you to tell someone else that who they chose and are happy with in their life, what to do to make you and / or their friends and/or their family happy?
 
bigboy529 said:
Just thinking out loud here.
A person gets a boyfriend / girlfriend and from day 1 nobody of this persons friends or family likes the partner. As years whent bye nobody could still get a liking in the partner, not friends or family. This person know that the family don't like the partner because they had discussions and fights about it before. Friends don't like hanging out with the person anymore because of the partner and even if no friend have brought it up like the family did, by now if the person doesn't realise something is wrong, he / she is very stupid.

The person started losing friends because they don't want to hang out with the partner, family only hangs out with the couple if they absolutely must.

They are getting married and I can see that this person will lose all friends and a previously very close family will also slowely drift appart. The prospect of making new friends are also quite slim, in the past couple years I've known them, they haven't made any new friends, I suspect this is mainly because of the partner.
The partner literally only has 1 friend and also doesn't get along with his / her family very well, but it's not hard to guess why, in my opinion this is generally just a very unlikable person.

There's true love, not caring what others think etc, but is it really worth throwing away your entire life, all friends and family to be with a person? As I see it they will eventually end up all alone without any friends or family, only with each other.

If they are happy who am I to judge, I just find it weird that someone will practically throw away year long friends and family to be with a single person.
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Fortunately it's up to the two involved. For some it works for some it doesn't. I haven't lost friends, the wife has due to us not living where she grew up and went to school. But she made new friends. Not that friends are that important to us anymore as we have kids. We're more family focussed as opposed to being with friends all the time. We see them from time to time at a braai and what not. But family to us now comes first. And we both like it that way.

I guess it changes as you get older.
 
I have been in a similar problem myself.
I had a few friendships destroyed by an ex that no one liked.
and that lead to my friends having the idea that I am a bad judge of character, making it very difficuilt for future partners to be accepted by my group of friends.

my wife really struggled in the beginning as my friends all thought she was just a fling (cant blame them for thinking that I was a man whore at the time)
and 5 years later the last 2 people who still did not like her came to me and said "I dont get why she makes you happy, but she makes you happy, and I am happy for you"

what I would recommend is try and see why they are happy together, and be happy for them.
if you have expressed your concerns to them and they did not listen let them learn the hard way.
 
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