'Magic penis' killing set for trial date

Lycanthrope

Lycanthrope

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Malalane - A trial date is expected to be set on Thursday for 12 people arrested in connection with setting a pastor alight after accusing him of using a magic penis to sleep with women.

The nine men and three women, aged between 28 and 50 will appear in the Boschfontein periodical court in Mpumalanga on charges murder and arson.

The villagers, among them a community induna (headman), were arrested on February 24 after Albert Malwane, a pastor of the Izwi Zion Christian Church, was burnt to death a day before.

Mpumalanga police spokesperson Leonard Hlathi said that Malwane had been dragged from his one-roomed house in the Etitandini informal settlement near Jeppes Reef south of Malalane and taken to a hill, where he was set alight.

Malwane's house was also burnt and his wife and daughter went into hiding.

Community members had accused him of talking to animals and using an invisible penis to sleep with women in the informal settlement.

They also accused his wife of turning into a snail and terrorising the community.

The villagers also complained that Malwane's family had used muti to make then sick after Malwane's death.

One of the accused had to be carried into the Boschfontein periodical court when the 12 appeared in court on April 8.

Timothy Malwane, the father of the deceased, believes a curse was released at the pastor’s funeral.

The 12 accused have not been asked to plead.
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Source: News24

Okay, look, I have no idea if this has been posted before so forgive me if it has but, honestly, I wouldn't even know what to search for: magic penis, snail wife, pastor voodoo? Seriously, where would I begin?

But, back to all seriousness: TERRORISED BY A SNAIL!?!? :wtf:
 
We live in one backward country wow... Wish I had a magic penis. It could grant wishes when you rub it. (Yes I stole that from HIMYM :p)
 
The magic anatomy bits I might understand - but why the @!$#%*& would the wife turn into a snail? And how does that terrorize people??

"Oh now, that b@stard's wife ate my lettuces and left slimy trails on my stoep. Burn him!"
 
Shows the community has no backbone!!
Seems the pastor had all the bone he needed.
lol.

This is actually funny. Really funny.
Makes rural georgian neighbourly feudes look..... upmarket.
 
As I wrote on MyG (posted this article there too), the more I think about this... Living in an informal settlement, shacks, impoverishment and all that goes with it... if the biggest concern you have in life is being terrorised by... A SNAIL... things can't really be THAT bad, can they? O.o' I mean, seriously, we need some perspective on this matter.
 
Though tragic, I cannot help but laugh myself sick from this. I think I shall turn into a snail and go terrorize the community with my invisible penis now - please excuse me.
 
nanonyous said:
Though tragic, I cannot help but laugh myself sick from this. I think I shall turn into a snail and go terrorize the community with my invisible penis now - please excuse me.
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So it was YOU!!


;)
 
snail_has_a_stick_Funny_LOL_pictures-s500x375-43805-580.jpg


Oh noes!
 
Sysem said:
We live in one backward country wow... Wish I had a magic penis. It could grant wishes when you rub it. (Yes I stole that from HIMYM :p)
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The worst part is that stupid people like this are considered fit to vote.
 
So by their logic I can say some snail/raven/etc have appeared to me and told that XYZ bank manager have to give me a million or else XYZ bank manager will die?

How quaint.
 
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