Men in happy relationships...is this true?

As a man in a committed and happy relationship I...

  • fap to other women and my SO knows

    Votes: 30 30.9%

  • fap to other women and my SO doesn't know

    Votes: 31 32.0%

  • don't fap to other women.

    Votes: 22 22.7%

  • Other - please elaborate on the thread

    Votes: 14 14.4%
  • Total voters
    97
N

NorahQ

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Using an ALT account for obvious reasons. Let me start by first declaring that I'm a female. I know it's not Friday but its bugging me so I needed to post.
I had a really disturbing conversation with my SO today and I'm hoping to get some clarity on this issue.
My SO has said that he and ALL men "spank the monkey" to other women in their lives besides their SO...i.e. to their female colleagues, friends, online connections etc. etc.
I am totally faithful to him and would never dream of looking at another man in a sexual way, and even worse to fantasise about them.
I simply can't believe that ALL men that are in happy relationships with their SO would do this.
It sounds so pervy and downright disrespectful to the woman in your life... not to mention hurtful.
He says it's totally normal and there is nothing wrong with doing it.
SO.... I need to know if this is true.
Please can the men of MYBB (and only the ones in happy committed relationships) answer my poll and maybe give some insight into why you do it OR don't do it.
 
NorahQ said:
My SO has said that he and ALL men "spank the monkey" to other women in their lives besides their SO...i.e. to their female colleagues, friends, online connections etc. etc.
Click to expand...
Sounds like a wuss who instead of owning his own behaviour, uses the excuse that 'all men do it'.

That said - what do you expect a guy to think about when he jerks off? I mean - don't you ever masturbate - what are you thinking about in that moment? I don't think he's going into it with the goal of thinking about Suzie from accounts, but rather that when he's feeling horny and jerks one out - Suzie from accounts (or whoever) just pops into his head to keep the fantasy going - that's how guys have been jerking off since the beginning.
 
Humans evolved to be monogamous—capable of forming long-term bonds, but not hardwired to be strictly monogamous. Modern life has amplified and institutionalized monogamy, making it a dominant global norm.

Monogamy in its strictest sense—one partner for life—is more cultural than biological. Anthropological studies show that:

Historically, polygyny (one man with multiple wives) was common in many societies. About 80% of human cultures have allowed it.

Monogamy became dominant in Western culture through religious, legal, and economic systems. Ancient Rome, Christianity, and later European laws all promoted monogamy as a societal norm.

I love my wife, I also appreciate beautiful women, she knows it. I am a man, it is normal to notice beautiful things. It's not like I will act on it.
 
saor said:
Sounds like a wuss who instead of owning his own behaviour, uses the excuse that 'all men do it'.

That said - what do you expect a guy to think about when he jerks off? I mean - don't you ever masturbate - what are you thinking about in that moment? I don't think he's going into it with the goal of thinking about Suzie from accounts, but rather that when he's feeling horny and jerks one out - Suzie from accounts (or whoever) just pops into his head to keep the fantasy going - that's how guys have been jerking off since the beginning.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the comment. I get that men do that when single. Are you in a serious relationship? Please can you vote so I can get an idea if this really is how men generally behave even while in a good relationship?
Now I look at his colleagues with new eyes as I realise what’s been going on in his head. Also makes me wonder about the men I work with and if they have such thoughts as well.
 
NorahQ said:
Are you in a serious relationship?
Click to expand...
I'm not.
NorahQ said:
Now I look at his colleagues with new eyes as I realise what’s been going on in his head. Also makes me wonder about the men I work with and if they have such thoughts as well.
Click to expand...
Don't conflate the private thoughts of someone jerking off with a creep who's hitting on you at the watercooler.
 
saor said:
Sounds like a wuss who instead of owning his own behaviour, uses the excuse that 'all men do it'.

That said - what do you expect a guy to think about when he jerks off? I mean - don't you ever masturbate - what are you thinking about in that moment? I don't think he's going into it with the goal of thinking about Suzie from accounts, but rather that when he's feeling horny and jerks one out - Suzie from accounts (or whoever) just pops into his head to keep the fantasy going - that's how guys have been jerking off since the beginning.
Click to expand...
Why would anyone jerk off to a mental image of their SO? It's a fantasy, reality is in the other room.

Besides, statistics show that the world's biggest wankers are married men.
 
My honest opinion on this, is that you are jealous of your husband's thoughts..

I am very sure that you have those intrusive thoughts, that you would never act on(not necessarily talking about sexual desires here) and it's the same thing for men.. we may think about whoever is on our mind when whacking the mole, but we would never actually act upon it (those men who don't cheat, of course)..
 
Yes. Not sure that it counts though, seeing that its an open relationship.

We openly tell each other who we find hot. I don't see how you can only find a single person sexually attractive, and don't expect it of anyone.

Hell, we just finished banging over what started as an instagram thirst trap. :ROFL:
 
WAslayer said:
My honest opinion on this, is that you are jealous of your husband's thoughts..

I am very sure that you have those intrusive thoughts, that you would never act on(not necessarily talking about sexual desires here) and it's the same thing for men.. we may think about whoever is on our mind when whacking the mole, but we would never actually act upon it (those men who don't cheat, of course)..
Click to expand...
Yes of course that is obvious. I am jealous that he is lusting after other women that he comes into contact with. I would think most women would be upset about it.
 
NorahQ said:
Yes of course that is obvious. I am jealous that he is lusting after other women that he comes into contact with. I would think most women would be upset about it.
Click to expand...
Would you rather he actually acted on those urges..? Cheat on you..?

Or would you prefer he polishes his helmet every once in a while thinking of another woman instead in the privacy of his own home, alone with his hand..?

Way to go for wanting to punish the man for being honest and open about it..
 
Last edited:
NorahQ said:
Using an ALT account for obvious reasons. Let me start by first declaring that I'm a female. I know it's not Friday but its bugging me so I needed to post.
I had a really disturbing conversation with my SO today and I'm hoping to get some clarity on this issue.
My SO has said that he and ALL men "spank the monkey" to other women in their lives besides their SO...i.e. to their female colleagues, friends, online connections etc. etc.
I am totally faithful to him and would never dream of looking at another man in a sexual way, and even worse to fantasise about them.
I simply can't believe that ALL men that are in happy relationships with their SO would do this.
It sounds so pervy and downright disrespectful to the woman in your life... not to mention hurtful.
He says it's totally normal and there is nothing wrong with doing it.
SO.... I need to know if this is true.
Please can the men of MYBB (and only the ones in happy committed relationships) answer my poll and maybe give some insight into why you do it OR don't do it.
Click to expand...

He is 100% correct.

It's not about you, it's about natural urges and instincts that cannot be "thought" away.

Men see every woman as a potential seed bank. That's just the way it is. It's instinct.

The purpose of life is to survive and replicate. That is the bare bones of it.

And it doesn't matter if he is your BF or husband, his instinct is telling him to replicate.

So yes, it takes a lot of strength for a man to be monogamous, and you should be glad that he is able to keep it in his fantasies rather than acting it out.

You've got one of the good ones. Don't punish him for being honest.
 
Hop on one of the porn sites and see if you can find a category for things like colleague, boss, friend etc. Fantasies don't just switch off because you are now married.
 
The thing is… I’m not sure he will be faithful. He has flirted with a colleague behind my back, making suggestive comments and I called him out on it. He’s also direct messaged a women on TikTok behind my back. A very attractive blond women that he did fap to.
So I’m worried those urges are leading him to cheat.
 
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