Miscarriage vs stillborn vs death

lkpat said:
As with anything, ESPECIALLY for the person (in this case the woman) who pins a lot of hopes and dreams on someone, an event.... losing that hope or dream is going to hurt. There's no way to explain it to a man who doesn't carry the child and doesn't think much about what the future holds in that regard. It's an enormous commitment for the woman... to the point of risking her life and putting her body on the line to give birth... again, hard to properly explain unless you're committing the same amount of time and effort and thought to it...
Add to that the different hormonal balance and brain chemistry and you can do nothing but be a listening ear and try to understand. Just don't claim to understand or know how she is feeling, that would be absurd, but sympathize.
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Thank you so much
 
And we have now hit the denial phase... she's insisting the doctors made a mistake, how could they not detect a heartbeat but when she was there a couple of weeks ago they told her everything was perfectly fine... now she wants a second opinion elsewhere...
 
A miscarriage typically refers to the loss that happens before the fetus is viable, while a stillbirth occurs after viability. About 10% of pregnancies result in miscarriage, and approximately half of those miscarriages are attributed to genetic abnormalities in the fetus.
Any form of loss is emotionally challenging, and a woman experiencing this may undergo stages of grieving. Being supportive and providing space for her to express her feelings can be immensely helpful.
 
Mvu said:
And we have now hit the denial phase... she's insisting the doctors made a mistake, how could they not detect a heartbeat but when she was there a couple of weeks ago they told her everything was perfectly fine... now she wants a second opinion elsewhere...
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Um....

Not to be funny...

We have been through this with one of our couple friends.

Offer support leave it at that.

This part of the conversation is typically only reserved for the couple or husband and wife.

This goes way beyond what you would typically be involved with unless you are prying or really close. And if you are really close then you really shouldn't have been "this close". Remove yourself say you will be there if they need any help and leave this for the couple to resolve.
 
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Snyper564 said:
Um....

Not to be funny...

We have been through this with one of our couple friends.

Offer support leave it at that.

This part if the conversation is typically only reserved for the couple or husband and wife.

This goes way beyond what you would typically be involved with unless you are prying or really close. And if you are really close then you really shouldn't have be "this close". Remove yourself say you will be there if they need any help and leave this for the couple to resolve.
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Fully agreed. Here's where professional help / trauma counselling comes in to play.
 
Thank you all for the advice... but how do I suggest counseling?

She's my ex, we have always been close and the guy passed on, so I guess that's why she's sharing this with me?
 
No option is better than the other. They are all traumatic and something you can never forget.

My wife once had a miscarriage with identical boys at 25 weeks. It would have been the first twins ever in the family.
 
Death is death. Basically an entire life, and future, and all that would've been and would've achieved has been snuffed out. Thats the sadness behind death. None of the 3 are better. All are equally bad.
 
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Mvu said:
Next step I will suggest she goes for counselling
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Like have you considered why she, your ex, is sharing this with you? It's deeply personal. Sure, you can have a platonic relationship, but yours isn't previously based on that. It makes things super awkward, especially for her current spouse.

Maybe I'm too old and young people interchange relationships and people easily, but I would have quietly cut her out and continued with my own life.

Edit: Sorry I got the story wrong. Nvm above.
 
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r4nd0m said:
Like have you considered why she, your ex, is sharing this with you? It's deeply personal. Sure, you can have a platonic relationship, but yours isn't previously based on that. It makes things super awkward, especially for her current spouse.

Maybe I'm too old and young people interchange relationships and people easily, but I would have quietly cut her out and continued with my own life.
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The father of the baby has passed on. So either dead himself, or she's left him.
 
We are lucky with our two daughters who are 44 and 42 respectively. Both are married

The older one discovered when she was 22 that due to some uterine abnormality she would not be able to have children. Even today an operation to rectify this is considered extremely risky
 
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