Easy peasy - in BOLD:
Highlanders and Rebels have both surprised this year but the Highlanders are going to enjoy a home ground advantage. They'll also want to return the SB points they robbed me of last week against the 'canes so expect an even to and fro that will eventually favour the home side.
The BUMbees will hold the Blues off, despite neither living up to their potential in some of the recent upsets, although the hosts are not enjoying the best record here. This match will be the one of equal stands. Hell, thinking about it, maybe the blues could pull it off.
The day I choose the inbreeding pig fücking piss guzzling 'canes over the BULLS is the day I hope my kids disown me - even the ones I haven't acknowledged. If the BULLS want a decent tour, they start it with this win. Which they will get.
The Reds are hosting their own nosebleed courtesy of the resurgent Western Force, who seem determined to upset the apple cart. Good on them. The one solace we can take out of this game is that either way, some mutton-fücking goat-sucking wooly-willy tugging bunch of perverts will lose. I mean australians.
The Cheetahs are going to fall to the Chiefs who feel strong after their Loftus draw. Unfortunately. Lemme go home and cry for a bit. Wife-beating niece-raping malt liquor making hillbillies gonna get them a win today.
Oh Jesus please LIONS please please please. The Crusaders have been trading on name for years. If they even get out of the starting blocks, the Lions must be ashamed. If the Crusaders were a country, they'd be France and they'd still believe they're champions after their great victories of the past that included a civil war. Crusaders fans die from choking. Often on their own jizz.
Stormers. Stormers stormers stormers. The 2014 SuperRugby season has begun. Please, feel free to join the rest of us by burying those buck-tooth walrus-faced sheep-shagging guttersnipes commonly called the Waratards (because Retards is offensive, if not mostly accurate). I still don't know what a stormer is. They should try a name change to Storm Troopers.