OutOfTheBox
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- May 3, 2006
- Messages
- 118
- Reaction score
- 0
This morning I was a satisfied Telkom customer, this afternoon I am an Afrihost customer, this rapid change in alliances was brought about by;
1. The telephone system, this is a great way to get closer to Buddha as you ponder how the fastest computer is still a lot slower than the dumbest receptionist, but not any closer to finding a solution to your problem.
If you don't offer an option (3) "I do not wish to listen to the same music again and again, nor do I wish to hear the mindless bot offer me more things that you can likely stuff up". Silence would be real good, that way I can try reciting some mantra that might help me make it through the maze of your voice mail system. The good news is I thought up some lyrics during my extended stay that work real well with your one and only tune, the melancholic one, and as a result very ironic one. I suppose the psychologists told you that if we hear a sad tune, then it will make your customers problems seem less sorrowful. They were wrong the following came to mind.
I want to die.
I really want to die.
Please give me a gun.
I don't suppose you will have much use for them, nor I your mindless whine. The next exec that stands up at the board meeting and says "A new decade a new tune" is in for a big promotion as finally this is something you can technically achieve.
2. I spoke to Julie, not her real name as the bots might get wind of her honesty and send her for reprogramming, She herself could not login into the matrix, that spiteful controlling billing system that spewed up its internals over my new wide screen last weekend. Yes horror of horrors, badly written Telkom code spewed onto my screen after a failed logon, Telkom tell me this is impossible which bring me to point 3.
3. I spoke to Steve, not his real name as he is fully programmed and the revolutionaries amongst the Telkom staff might target him, he spent a good deal of time trying to persuade me that is was possible for a cumulative total to go from 1.2G to 200M then to 1.7G. He was good but not that good, if he had mentioned Schrödinger's cat he would have had me sold, but I figured if Telkom can't even bill their packets correctly, then they sure as **** can't send them back in time. Maybe somewhere, like in the very middle of the Large Hadron Collider, you might find a packet going back in time, but here in Durban Steve, they tend to spoil all the fun and go forwards.
So I was left with the choice of either employing a psychiatrist to help me with my visions of badly written Telkom code coupled with time and space warp delusions or find a new ISP.
Telkom is proof that the Matrix will never happen in this century, this is a company that is run by systems, where the staff are powerless to do anything and far from taking over the world it's a flippin train wreck.
Someone should stand up at the next board meeting of Telkom and say "How come a receptionist with no further education can beat a supercomputer at routing customer queries, are we missing something ?"
Can you imagine phoning home and your mum answering, "If you wish to speak to me press 1, If you wish to speak to your father press 2, If you wish to speak with your sister press 3"
Why not ? Because it would taking too flippin long, and you would think her a moron, and that my friends is what your customers think about you.
###########
Spelling edits only.
1. The telephone system, this is a great way to get closer to Buddha as you ponder how the fastest computer is still a lot slower than the dumbest receptionist, but not any closer to finding a solution to your problem.
If you don't offer an option (3) "I do not wish to listen to the same music again and again, nor do I wish to hear the mindless bot offer me more things that you can likely stuff up". Silence would be real good, that way I can try reciting some mantra that might help me make it through the maze of your voice mail system. The good news is I thought up some lyrics during my extended stay that work real well with your one and only tune, the melancholic one, and as a result very ironic one. I suppose the psychologists told you that if we hear a sad tune, then it will make your customers problems seem less sorrowful. They were wrong the following came to mind.
I want to die.
I really want to die.
Please give me a gun.
I don't suppose you will have much use for them, nor I your mindless whine. The next exec that stands up at the board meeting and says "A new decade a new tune" is in for a big promotion as finally this is something you can technically achieve.
2. I spoke to Julie, not her real name as the bots might get wind of her honesty and send her for reprogramming, She herself could not login into the matrix, that spiteful controlling billing system that spewed up its internals over my new wide screen last weekend. Yes horror of horrors, badly written Telkom code spewed onto my screen after a failed logon, Telkom tell me this is impossible which bring me to point 3.
3. I spoke to Steve, not his real name as he is fully programmed and the revolutionaries amongst the Telkom staff might target him, he spent a good deal of time trying to persuade me that is was possible for a cumulative total to go from 1.2G to 200M then to 1.7G. He was good but not that good, if he had mentioned Schrödinger's cat he would have had me sold, but I figured if Telkom can't even bill their packets correctly, then they sure as **** can't send them back in time. Maybe somewhere, like in the very middle of the Large Hadron Collider, you might find a packet going back in time, but here in Durban Steve, they tend to spoil all the fun and go forwards.
So I was left with the choice of either employing a psychiatrist to help me with my visions of badly written Telkom code coupled with time and space warp delusions or find a new ISP.
Telkom is proof that the Matrix will never happen in this century, this is a company that is run by systems, where the staff are powerless to do anything and far from taking over the world it's a flippin train wreck.
Someone should stand up at the next board meeting of Telkom and say "How come a receptionist with no further education can beat a supercomputer at routing customer queries, are we missing something ?"
Can you imagine phoning home and your mum answering, "If you wish to speak to me press 1, If you wish to speak to your father press 2, If you wish to speak with your sister press 3"
Why not ? Because it would taking too flippin long, and you would think her a moron, and that my friends is what your customers think about you.
###########
Spelling edits only.
Last edited:
