Relationships/Regrets

J

Jonny Two Shoes

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Will probably get flamed for this :D

So how many of you have still suffered from serious bouts of depression, sadness and regret from a relationship that has been over for more than a year? Like so much it still drives you emotionally crazy sometimes and you lock yourself away from people around you.

How did you get over it?

The thing is I am in a relationship with another girl I care for who thinks the world of me and I think this is very unfair on her that I still think about the previous relationship :( I just can't help it and I thought after this long I would be over it by now :/

EISH sucks being young :p a lot to learn still 'ey? :rolleyes:
 
Got over it by simply realising that person was not really what I made them out to be. I believe the only reason I kept my mind on that relationship when it was already over, was because of self sabotage, my speciality. Its easy to idolize someone who is no longer there, causing crap in your life, bugging you with little things, attaching conditions to everything, judging you.. Yes its easy to look at something no longer in front of you and pretend that its better than it really is. If it was that good, you would both still be together.
 
I am a bit cold in that aspect as once we break up she becomes a "0.00" to me :o

But I do know that action in itself is made to protect me and my feeling.

IMO really look at why you are still feeling pangs of regret because your previous relationship ended, and see what you can do about it.

Good luck!
 
Not really on topic of what you're chatting about, but I broke up with my girlfriend of a few years on Wednesday.

Now that the anger is subsiding I actually do miss her and want her in my life, but I realise that she's probably cultivating (or cultivated?) another relationship in the mean time. Who am I to mess it up for her?

She's happier without me and can do the stuff she wants. Admittingly, I was too controlling. But who am I to mess up her happiness by bringing her 'back'? The same issues are bound to resurface.

I just focus on her and realise - despite how I'm feeling - she's happier single or in a more loving relationship.
 
Remember the bad times, the arguments, fights, whingeing etc, and you will find that you probabily dont have the same negative issues coming up with your new lady.
That is the quickest easiest way of moving on and enjoying what you have now.
 
HumanoidTyphoon said:
Got over it by simply realising that person was not really what I made them out to be. I believe the only reason I kept my mind on that relationship when it was already over, was because of self sabotage, my speciality. Its easy to idolize someone who is no longer there, causing crap in your life, bugging you with little things, attaching conditions to everything, judging you.. Yes its easy to look at something no longer in front of you and pretend that its better than it really is. If it was that good, you would both still be together.
Click to expand...

Yep. You're probably missing the space that they used to fill - except that the space was the shape they were in your mind, where they were perfect and never did anything wrong. The thing to realise is that they never actually fitted that shape at all, your mind just tried to squash them into that shape.

That might sound odd, but I know what I mean - just can't really put it into words.
 
Nanfeishen said:
Remember the bad times, the arguments, fights, whingeing etc, and you will find that you probabily dont have the same negative issues coming up with your new lady.
That is the quickest easiest way of moving on and enjoying what you have now.
Click to expand...

True. :)
 
A part of me just wishes I could go back in time :/

Oh well. But you all have given good advice so far :) thanks :)

What makes it worse though is that I recently found out that the previous relationship stood a chance. Basically the girl planned to get back with me after her 1 month trip to the UK (it seems she broke up with me to get back with me after making me want to value her more). However in my moment of insanity I went girl hunting very soon after the break up thinking that if I found a nice girl it would ease the pain and I can forget. I thought if I gave the new girl everything I never did for the previous one it would all be fine.

Well as it turns out I am the best thing this "new" girlfriend (she's not new anymore as we have been together for a year since mid December) has ever seen and she is so into me it is scary. I care for her though but....ya...thats about it :( and I feel too bad about it to hurt her.

I will find a way though somehow. I think what I need is to be single again but I really don't want to hurt my girlfriend. I already broke up with her for a few days once and it tore her apart...I thought about what I went through and I thought that I was just being silly so I got back with her again. :confused: F'k I am so dumb.

Issues!!!! Who needs 'em lol.
 
Nope.

There are however some people from my past I would like to get revenge on for being total *******s and wasting a year or two of my life :D
 
I Know exactly how you feel. Took me the better part of 8-9 months to get over my ex/love of my life/future wife.
Felt like a **** for most of those 8-9 months as she had no problem moving on after we broke up.
Just like you i thaught I would never get over her but I think about 2 months ago I just realised that I was over her. Just like that. You just have to realise that sooner or later you have to move on with your life.
 
Fern9do said:
I Know exactly how you feel. Took me the better part of 8-9 months to get over my ex/love of my life/future wife.
Felt like a **** for most of those 8-9 months as she had no problem moving on after we broke up.
Just like you i thaught I would never get over her but I think about 2 months ago I just realised that I was over her. Just like that. You just have to realise that sooner or later you have to move on with your life.
Click to expand...

I hope that is the case :) thanks

One more snag though...the previous girl is good friends with my sister-in-law. So I will probably see her in future and hopefully it doesn't haunt me when she is around.
 
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