Seeking advice from experienced managers

thestaggy

thestaggy

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What do you do in the following scenarios;

- There is a character clash with a colleague to the point that you cannot actually handle any sort of contact with the person beyond work-related matters. The person seeks you out for discussion, but they just rub you up the wrong way (general negativity, sarcasm dialed up way too high). The person is very good at what they do, so my personal approach has been to give the person what they need to get their job done but not encourage discussion beyond trivial matters such as the weather.

I am studying at the moment and part of my degree involves management, so I am aware that comfortable employees are happy and productive employees, so I am just worried that my own demeanor towards said person may affect them. As I said, I do my best to meet their work-related needs, but beyond that I am very withdrawn towards the person.

- You reach the time of the year where the sight of some of your staff members makes you want to bang your head against a wall and sometimes even bang their heads against a wall. I have a strong relationship with all of my staff, our site regularly receives praise from HO because they can literally forget about us. We work well together, I involve them in decision making processes, I lend an understanding ear when they have personal issues, etc, but now I just want to not see most of them for 3-weeks. I just feel drained at the moment and I'm considering not even attending the end-of-year function because I just want to get away from them as soon as possible.
 
thestaggy said:
What do you do in the following scenarios;

- There is a character clash with a colleague to the point that you cannot actually handle any sort of contact with the person beyond work-related matters. The person seeks you out for discussion, but they just rub you up the wrong way (general negativity, sarcasm dialed up way too high). The person is very good at what they do, so my personal approach has been to give the person what they need to get their job done but not encourage discussion beyond trivial matters such as the weather.

I am studying at the moment and part of my degree involves management, so I am aware that comfortable employees are happy and productive employees, so I am just worried that my own demeanor towards said person may affect them. As I said, I do my best to meet their work-related needs, but beyond that I am very withdrawn towards the person.

- You reach the time of the year where the sight of some of your staff members makes you want to bang your head against a wall and sometimes even bang their heads against a wall. I have a strong relationship with all of my staff, our site regularly receives praise from HO because they can literally forget about us. We work well together, I involve them in decision making processes, I lend an understanding ear when they have personal issues, etc, but now I just want to not see most of them for 3-weeks. I just feel drained at the moment and I'm considering not even attending the end-of-year function because I just want to get away from them as soon as possible.
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This happens a lot and there is not a lot one can do

You say it is just one person?
If so I can almost guarantee that other people think the one person is a di***ead as well.

Do
- Go to your Year End Function. Not going just shows management you can't deal with conflict. Its one night.

- Speak to another peer informally (not the di***ead 's mate).
Ask his/her advise. Listen to the advise and maybe make the odd subtly change

- If that doesn't work - Speak to the di***ead - Say you may be imagining things but you pick up that maybe he has a problem with you. Say you would like to fix it. Put the ball in his court.

Dont
- Withdraw. It reflects on you
- Call him a di***ead (that was for illustration)

There will always be di***ead s at work. Leaving your company and going to another will just make you encounter a new di***ead

Management see how people handle conflict. If nothing else they will admire that you tried to resolve it.

BTW - There is a decent chance that management think your colleague is a di***ead as well.
 
Not much more that you can do about your colleague other than keeping it professional from your side and terminating off topic discussions in a civil manner.

Getting a perfect office environment where everything is kumbaya is virtually impossible. As a manager you want to maintain the harmony to extract maximum synergy from your team(s). If that employee is bothering everyone, then the manager should have a quiet word with him/her.

It does sound like you need some vacation time to de-stress and recharge your batteries.

Edit: and yes, go to the year end function!
 
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Prank them until they leave or change their behaviour....

(Actually... watching The Office is very therapeutic as you realise there are probably other more screwed up people than you out there...)

[video=youtube;YrblkMd-KMs]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrblkMd-KMs[/video]
 
thestaggy said:
What do you do in the following scenarios;

- There is a character clash with a colleague to the point that you cannot actually handle any sort of contact with the person beyond work-related matters. The person seeks you out for discussion, but they just rub you up the wrong way (general negativity, sarcasm dialed up way too high). The person is very good at what they do, so my personal approach has been to give the person what they need to get their job done but not encourage discussion beyond trivial matters such as the weather.

I am studying at the moment and part of my degree involves management, so I am aware that comfortable employees are happy and productive employees, so I am just worried that my own demeanor towards said person may affect them. As I said, I do my best to meet their work-related needs, but beyond that I am very withdrawn towards the person.

- You reach the time of the year where the sight of some of your staff members makes you want to bang your head against a wall and sometimes even bang their heads against a wall. I have a strong relationship with all of my staff, our site regularly receives praise from HO because they can literally forget about us. We work well together, I involve them in decision making processes, I lend an understanding ear when they have personal issues, etc, but now I just want to not see most of them for 3-weeks. I just feel drained at the moment and I'm considering not even attending the end-of-year function because I just want to get away from them as soon as possible.
Click to expand...

From Experience:

If you have a good worker but your personalities clash. It's best to be the lesser and just accept things how they are. Remember your performance is based on the performance of your staff. If it means you need to be the lesser when it comes to general chit chat and that person just rubs you the wrong way. Finding good employees aren't easy, and this employee makes you as the manager look good. So just eat their shyte. But the moment their performance falls below par, you have the upper hand ;)
 
thestaggy said:
What do you do in the following scenarios;

- There is a character clash with a colleague to the point that you cannot actually handle any sort of contact with the person beyond work-related matters. The person seeks you out for discussion, but they just rub you up the wrong way (general negativity, sarcasm dialed up way too high). The person is very good at what they do, so my personal approach has been to give the person what they need to get their job done but not encourage discussion beyond trivial matters such as the weather.

I am studying at the moment and part of my degree involves management, so I am aware that comfortable employees are happy and productive employees, so I am just worried that my own demeanor towards said person may affect them. As I said, I do my best to meet their work-related needs, but beyond that I am very withdrawn towards the person.

- You reach the time of the year where the sight of some of your staff members makes you want to bang your head against a wall and sometimes even bang their heads against a wall. I have a strong relationship with all of my staff, our site regularly receives praise from HO because they can literally forget about us. We work well together, I involve them in decision making processes, I lend an understanding ear when they have personal issues, etc, but now I just want to not see most of them for 3-weeks. I just feel drained at the moment and I'm considering not even attending the end-of-year function because I just want to get away from them as soon as possible.
Click to expand...

Take a holiday. In all honesty, from what you have said, it seems like the only problem is your mindset. If the individual is good at what they do and everyone is performing their jobs then your options are to, suck it up and do yours, quit and find another job. You aren't there to make friends and in any work environment there are bound to be some people you don't get along with. I'm currently working in a foreign country with a bunch of people I don't get along with at all, but everyone acts professionally and we do what we need to in order to perform. That's just the way it goes.
 
Pitbull said:
From Experience:

If you have a good worker but your personalities clash. It's best to be the lesser and just accept things how they are. Remember your performance is based on the performance of your staff. If it means you need to be the lesser when it comes to general chit chat and that person just rubs you the wrong way. Finding good employees aren't easy, and this employee makes you as the manager look good. So just eat their shyte. But the moment their performance falls below par, you have the upper hand ;)
Click to expand...
There's another way around that...

Mentor him/her as part of a career development program. Part of that is to analyse the person; strengths and weaknesses. And this is where you bring in the irritating traits!
 
If you don't have the strength of character to seek a resolution in a professional manner then don't expect a resolution to any conflict. One has to deal with all manner of people, your position requires a level of conduct that rises beyond the personal differences and there are usually ways to deal with it. Management is exactly taxing because it's not about being friends but about getting results and being friendly is a conduct on your behalf that encourages work performance. Sometimes a straight professional demeanor with focus on company standards/work ethic is well advised as otherwise it'll just be favouritism to those you gel with. Consistency of your approach to all that report to you is a defining characteristic that reflects on you and not necessarily your report.
 
JimmyRott said:
Take a holiday. In all honesty, from what you have said, it seems like the only problem is your mindset. If the individual is good at what they do and everyone is performing their jobs then your options are to, suck it up and do yours, quit and find another job. You aren't there to make friends and in any work environment there are bound to be some people you don't get along with. I'm currently working in a foreign country with a bunch of people I don't get along with at all, but everyone acts professionally and we do what we need to in order to perform. That's just the way it goes.
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With you on that. Sometimes brilliant buggers, just do not have (time for) social skills. They can be damn annoying at times, but always will be your go to guy, when you need to get stuff done/solved. Suck it up, and do not take it personal and if he is just a douche, well again suck it up.
 
MickeyD said:
There's another way around that...

Mentor him/her as part of a career development program. Part of that is to analyse the person; strengths and weaknesses. And this is where you bring in the irritating traits!
Click to expand...

I like how you think. You sly bastard
/Notes taken
 
Where I work at the moment, I declined to go to the year end function. It is considered duty to preserving the good relations I have with everyone.
 
1441568916 said:
Where I work at the moment, I declined to go to the year end function. It is considered duty to preserving the good relations I have with everyone.
Click to expand...

The problem here is they want us to pay for ourselves. If I have to pay, I want to go to a decent place (I don't even need to choose it).

Bit off topic, I suppose.
 
If the person concerned is not being directly sarcastic and negative about you, it's difficult to counter. Watch out for the passive aggressive personality, these are the hardest to manage and the most destructive. You haven't really given't any detail about whether this person is negative about work, the project, etc., or just life in general.

I tend to be be direct. I try not to be confrontational, as that doesn't work out so well for me when I do.
 
satanboy said:
The problem here is they want us to pay for ourselves. If I have to pay, I want to go to a decent place (I don't even need to choose it).

Bit off topic, I suppose.
Click to expand...

I feel your pain. Why must one pay for oneself to go sit in some restaurant to watch your colleagues (the majority of which you wouldn't socialise with anyway) scoff themselves and get drunk.
 
Biscuit1018 said:
This happens a lot and there is not a lot one can do

You say it is just one person?
If so I can almost guarantee that other people think the one person is a di***ead as well.

...

BTW - There is a decent chance that management think your colleague is a di***ead as well.
Click to expand...

smallearth said:
If the person concerned is not being directly sarcastic and negative about you, it's difficult to counter. Watch out for the passive aggressive personality, these are the hardest to manage and the most destructive. You haven't really given't any detail about whether this person is negative about work, the project, etc., or just life in general.

I tend to be be direct. I try not to be confrontational, as that doesn't work out so well for me when I do.
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I will elaborate a little here and answer both.

Yes, it is one person.

Yes, said person does have a reputation for being ''tiresome''. They've developed a reputation for a source of negativity and complaints. When I was entrusted with my position, one of the first things a senior asked me at a function was ''So, how is X?'' with a dirty little smirk.

No doubt they think I am a plonker at times as well, but I do my best to be civil. By rubbing the wrong way and negativity I mean the negativity in everything, life in general, lots of complaining. I know, things are not all rosy and I can have a moan as well, but we don't have to fixate on them at every turn. There is a time and place to focus on the negatives. We're dealing with quite a bit of nonsense with regards to work, so I'd like to keep things light-hearted when discussing things away from work.

As for the other aspect, I think I used the incorrect descriptor. I'd say more sardonic or cynical. It isn't very pleasant, at least for me.

I fully understand that people are different and you cannot get along with or please all of them, but there are times when I feel like I was a real pr*ck just now and I feel unprofessional for it. I've had a few chats with staff helping solve clashes between others and ironed out differences between myself and a staff member, so I'd like to think that I can come to amicable resolutions, but those were work related. This one is more of a personality thing which for me is trickier. I cannot fault the person's work ethic, commitment and performance but I just can't handle them for too long when not discussing work matters. I must add that I had no prior training or relevant education before being chucked in (something I am grateful for, though), so a lot of it I either learnt by trial and error or I am in the process of learning via studying.
 
I would advise you set a clear and appropriate boundary between yourself and that person. It sounds like this person is working on your personal boundaries.

And don't try to be nice. Just be professional. People like that spot a 'nice guy' a mile away.

And yeah, I've had a difficult staff member before who I've passed off to another dept. I met said manager a few months later and said, 'So how is ....?', yeah with a very cynical (and somewhat sadistic) smile.
 
thestaggy said:
Yes, said person does have a reputation for being ''tiresome''. They've developed a reputation for a source of negativity and complaints. When I was entrusted with my position, one of the first things a senior asked me at a function was ''So, how is X?'' with a dirty little smirk.
Click to expand...

Is the person in question aware of his effect on the team? If your company is willing to spend a little, an industrial psychologist can come in and work on team dynamics + provide personal insights that each individual can take on for themselves (one-on-one sessions). We've done this before with varying degrees of success. This may also provide you with the input into management styles that you were not given upfront.

The second part is more directed at you - are you doing the management part of the job because it is the next logical step in your career or because it's what you want to do?
 
@OP: Is moving out of management and into an "individual contributer" role an option for you? I've been a manager three times now - after a while I just want to do the work myself and not deal with the politics at all (there's always some politics regardless, but not at the same level). I found it to be a good way to get my head straight and destress. I've made the manager to IC transition 3 times so far without a pay hit. Currently I am actively avoiding managment opportunities ;)
 
Beware the drama triangle. Don't get sucked into one of the roles
 
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