Sharing Personal Details

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DerpiesFreud

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Lets say X was abused as a child,now as an adult X chooses not to tell friends & family,can anybody think of a reason why? Im confused....

Or Y was also abused,but now openly shares it with the world,like noncalantly mentions being abused in casual conversation,again the motive eludes me

or Z who decides to become an activist and has talks about it?

what makes them so different? :confused:
 
nukefission said:
Lets say X was abused as a child,now as an adult X chooses not to tell friends & family,can anybody think of a reason why? Im confused....

Or Y was also abused,but now openly shares it with the world,like noncalantly mentions being abused in casual conversation,again the motive eludes me

or Z who decides to become an activist and has talks about it?

what makes them so different? :confused:
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They're individuals and deal with the subject matter differently?
We're not assimilated to The Borg and don't react upon the wishes of The Collective ;)
 
Shake&Bake said:
They're individuals and deal with the subject matter differently?
We're not assimilated to The Borg and don't react upon the wishes of The Collective ;)
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Yes but I`m wondering why....

X being quiet possibly due to shame?unresolved trauma/issues etc? or simply not feeling that its nessasary to mention too the world?

Y talking uuh dont know :confused:

Z had a life changing event and doesnt want other people to be abused so he/she is trying to support anti abuse?

I get the feeling I am not making sense....not even to myself
 
You're explaining the most likely reasons why in your 2nd post.

I don't get what more there could be to it?
Perhaps you need more violence outside of anime :p
 
nukefission said:
Yes but I`m wondering why....

X being quiet possibly due to shame?unresolved trauma/issues etc? or simply not feeling that its nessasary to mention too the world?
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Maybe they've moved on and it's no longer significant in their lives? In which case it has nothing to do with it being unresolved or to do with shame but simply a non-issue.

Y talking uuh dont know :confused:
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I've actually met people like this. Happily speaking to you about something totally unrelated and then suddenly, "...that was back about the time when I was raped..." That totally knocks you for a six. I have no idea how to respond to that apart from, "Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that!"

It's incredibly unsettling to just have someone (especially someone you don't know from a bar of soap) blurting that out to you like it was yesterday's news, but that's how some people deal with it as well.

Z had a life changing event and doesnt want other people to be abused so he/she is trying to support anti abuse?
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I think that, generally, people who go into activism try to make people aware of their struggle, of the damage it can cause, of what people who go through trauma like that endure and yes, I think that's their own way of coping too: "It happened to me, I want to stop it from happening to someone else." And I think that's a very noble and constructive way of coping.

In the end though, as Shake&Bake said, people deal with things differently and some are more comfortable to share personal details than others are. What's important, I feel, is to just listen and let people express themselves in whatever way they choose and just support them as much as you can, especially from the perspective of someone who has only a very vague idea what they're going through.

In all three of your examples there could be a plethora of reasons why they react the way they do, the only way to know would be to ask that individual person for their own reasons.
 
It took me 35 years to talk about what happened to me, and this is only to the SO and a few close friends.

I probably should have opened up when I was younger but there are and where many factors why I never did.

I dealt with this on my own and I don't suggest this to anyone as it did have a major impact on my life.
 
Also depends on the personal timeline.

After my trauma, for the first few years I didn't want to speak about it to anyone, I wanted to pretend it hadn't happened, thought I could just move on with my life.

Then, after a breakdown and after I started counselling I suddenly wanted to talk about it to everyone - friends, strangers, dates, generally scaring people away with intimate details they didn't really want to hear and didn't really know how to deal with.

Eventually I resolved things within myself so I now only speak about at appropriate times, to appropriate people, in appropriate situations and hardly even think about it outside of those situations.
 
The simple answer to your question, OP, is because different people deal with traumatic events in different ways, depending on the kind of support network they have, their maturity levels, their cognitive ability to understand the experience, their psychological state of mind ................. and a million other factors.
 
joelus said:
Also depends on the personal timeline.

After my trauma, for the first few years I didn't want to speak about it to anyone, I wanted to pretend it hadn't happened, thought I could just move on with my life.

Then, after a breakdown and after I started counselling I suddenly wanted to talk about it to everyone - friends, strangers, dates, generally scaring people away with intimate details they didn't really want to hear and didn't really know how to deal with.

Eventually I resolved things within myself so I now only speak about at appropriate times, to appropriate people, in appropriate situations and hardly even think about it outside of those situations.
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Very true but unfortunately mine is very close to home, literally.

So if I do talk about it or inform people I will be destroying families that don't need destroying.

I am still very much in contact with the person
 
Personality differences I presume. Why are some people introverts and others extroverts?
Some people might see things for what it was, fate, it is what it is, not my fault, I'm cursed, shyte happens, why me, etc etc.
Some people are also mentally stronger than others.
Some people don't care what others think of them while others do. A simple example; some grown men do not care how bad they look in public places wearing slippers or fat women wearing tights.
 
ant_man said:
Very true but unfortunately mine is very close to home, literally.

So if I do talk about it or inform people I will be destroying families that don't need destroying.

I am still very much in contact with the person
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But if you do not talk about it you may destroy yourself. Just saying. I do not see why an abuser should enjoy protection.
 
blunomore said:
But if you do not talk about it you may destroy yourself. Just saying. I do not see why an abuser should enjoy protection.
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It did destroy me for many years, but what added to all of this was my sexuality.

I was going through the normal phases of being confused, straight or gay.

I never did want to speak about what happened to me as I have forgiven the person for what they did.

I needed to do that in order to move forward in my life.
 
blunomore said:
The simple answer to your question, OP, is because different people deal with traumatic events in different ways, depending on the kind of support network they have, their maturity levels, their cognitive ability to understand the experience, their psychological state of mind ................. and a million other factors.
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Explains a lot...
ant_man said:
It took me 35 years to talk about what happened to me, and this is only to the SO and a few close friends.

I probably should have opened up when I was younger but there are and where many factors why I never did.

I dealt with this on my own and I don't suggest this to anyone as it did have a major impact on my life.
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wow,I still haven`t told anyone and its quite a burden,not that I`d tell anyone though
but I might have to,before I suffer a psychotic incident of sorts :erm:
joelus said:
Also depends on the personal timeline.

After my trauma, for the first few years I didn't want to speak about it to anyone, I wanted to pretend it hadn't happened, thought I could just move on with my life.

Then, after a breakdown and after I started counselling I suddenly wanted to talk about it to everyone - friends, strangers, dates, generally scaring people away with intimate details they didn't really want to hear and didn't really know how to deal with.

Eventually I resolved things within myself so I now only speak about at appropriate times, to appropriate people, in appropriate situations and hardly even think about it outside of those situations.
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I get the feeling this is what might happen to me :erm:
seek counseling?therapy?
I have absolutely no idea...did it help you guys/girls?
 
nukefission said:
Explains a lot...

wow,I still haven`t told anyone and its quite a burden,not that I`d tell anyone though
but I might have to,before I suffer a psychotic incident of sorts :erm:

I get the feeling this is what might happen to me :erm:
seek counseling?therapy?
I have absolutely no idea...did it help you guys/girls?
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It might help, it's worth a try if you are having a difficult time. It helped me in some respects, being able to talk about it helped a lot.
I would go to a counciller first (cause they're cheaper) or an NGO. If you were sexually assaulted, for example, you could go to Rape Crises who provide free or cheap councelling. A councellor will refer you to a therapist if they think you need more assistance than they can give. It's also a personality thing, you need to find someone you feel confortable talking to and opening up to. After years of silence it's not easy and it may take some time to even reach a point where you feel able to talk about the issue that vrought you them in the first place. You need to build up trust. But they are trained to know how to help you open up about stuff without pushing you too hard or pressurizing you.
 
I was pretty much stuck helping myself out while growing up, it's difficult to decide what is best, you may need to talk to people but they need to be understanding and prepared for what you need to say, else things can become very bad.

I've had a very good life, but I'll never shake this ugly feeling, to myself I'll always be terrible and disgusting now and it's the one thing I've constantly tried to change. I spoke about my problems to people growing up and I feel like all I did was make their lives ugly, and I wish I was more mature at the time of speaking to them.

People are different, but the way you grow up largely affects who you are today nuke :)
 
STS said:
I was pretty much stuck helping myself out while growing up, it's difficult to decide what is best, you may need to talk to people but they need to be understanding and prepared for what you need to say, else things can become very bad.

I've had a very good life, but I'll never shake this ugly feeling, to myself I'll always be terrible and disgusting now and it's the one thing I've constantly tried to change. I spoke about my problems to people growing up and I feel like all I did was make their lives ugly, and I wish I was more mature at the time of speaking to them.

People are different, but the way you grow up largely affects who you are today nuke :)
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I made some very silly and stupid mistakes over the years, I think due to the fact of trying to run away from it all.

It does eventually catch up to you and that is when you need to face the past and what impact it has on you.
 
Its hard to pin down. It depends on their journey to adulthood, their experiences and so forth the events that shape their personality.

Same reason some people when kicked down prefer to stay down, others just dust themself off and move along or others fight back.

Its a unique thing per individual. Ask yourself why you are where you are in life and you will understand
 
nukefission said:
Lets say X was abused as a child,now as an adult X chooses not to tell friends & family,can anybody think of a reason why? Im confused....

Or Y was also abused,but now openly shares it with the world,like noncalantly mentions being abused in casual conversation,again the motive eludes me

or Z who decides to become an activist and has talks about it?

what makes them so different? :confused:
Click to expand...

X hasn't completely recovered and sees it as a point of pain.

Y wants attention.

Z has overcome it and wants to help others.
 
Chevron said:
X hasn't completely recovered and sees it as a point of pain.

Y wants attention.

Z has overcome it and wants to help others.
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As expected,holy shierwarw therers a huge bug in my room brb

ant_man said:
I made some very silly and stupid mistakes over the years, I think due to the fact of trying to run away from it all.

It does eventually catch up to you and that is when you need to face the past and what impact it has on you.
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I`m worried about when it does catch up with me....I can see it comming
RiaX said:
Its hard to pin down. It depends on their journey to adulthood, their experiences and so forth the events that shape their personality.

Same reason some people when kicked down prefer to stay down, others just dust themself off and move along or others fight back.

Its a unique thing per individual. Ask yourself why you are where you are in life and you will understand
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Good answer
@ STS
Thanks for the answer,A lot to think about...A lot to handle,there`s a good counseling place nearby me,I think I`ll pay them a visit
 
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